Ending a relationship is never easy.
Even if it's abundantly clear that it's the right thing to do, there's bound to be hurt, confusion, and sadness.
Even so, there are some couples that do manage to break up amicably, and even remain friends after ending their romantic partnership.
Sometimes, much to the annoyance of their new significant others.
Redditor Exissueandsistef was soon to be married and wanted to invite their ex-girlfriend to their wedding.
Something the original poster (OP)'s fiancée was not at all comfortable with.
However, the OP remained firm in their intention to invite their ex, even if their fiancée remained completely unconvinced.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my soon to be wife that I am not banning my ex from our wedding because we are family?"
The OP explained why they remained intent on inviting their ex-girlfriend to their wedding:
"I dating Amanda for around a year when I was a junior in highschool."
"Theo relationship ended on a decent note, we just realized we weren’t a right fit and we moved on."
"When I was in college my mom started to date seriously."
"She had one and off stuff while I was growing up but nothing serious."
"She wanted to invite him to met me and it is Amanda’s dad."
"Amanda and I talked and concluded it was a little awkward but our parents seem happy."
"They got married soon after we both finished college and Amanda is technically my step-sister now."
"We moved past the awkward stage and we are good friends."
"I see her at all family events and she is in the sibling chat at this point."
"I am going to marry Jenny next spring and invites are going out soon."
"She knows all about Amanda and isn’t happy about it."
"She wants to not invite Amanda to the wedding because she is my ex."
"I told her she is family now and not just my ex."
"We got into a big argument and she doesn’t want a Amanda there."
"I keep telling her no because I know it will cause drama."
"And if Amanda isn’t invited then my mom’s husbands probably won’t come and it going to put my mom in a weird spot."
"Also I dating her in high school and we are on our late 20s so I find the whole thing silly and immature on Jenny side."
"Especially since Amanda didn’t do anything wrong."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for inviting Amanda to their wedding.
Everyone agreed that Amanda was family and thus was completely deserving of an invitation to the wedding, with many feeling that it was Jenny, and not Amanda, who the OP should think about disinviting:
"NTA-you find it all silly because it is silly."
"Your partner is being very dramatic and a bit weird."- Impressive_Moment786
"Is your wife this jealous and controlling of a TEEN AGED ROMANCE from years ago in other areas of your life?"
"She does realize that Amanda is going to be there for holidays and celebrations for the rest of your life, right?"
"This is a real red flag and you might do well to address it head on before it impacts other areas of your relationship."
"Premarital counseling is a good idea anyway so you're both on the same page for finances, children, pets, discipline, chores, etc but I really recommend it for irrational jealousy."
"NTA."- KingBretwald
"'Amanda is technically my step-sister now'."
"'She wants to not invite Amanda to the wedding because she is my ex'."
"She's being ridiculous."
"Amanda is literally family, your fiancé wants to start your marriage by ostracizing a member of your family?"
"Does she have any ability to think beyond the moment and how this could damage current family relationships?"
"Doesn't sound like it."
"You are NTA but honestly, I'd be wondering what other areas your fiancée will be showing this unreasonable level of immaturity."
"Money?"
"Jobs?"
"Moving?"
"Kids?"
"What else is she going to try and force because she doesn't have the capacity to understand it?"- IamIreneNTA
"Being jealous of the high school romance you had with someone- anyone- is a relationship disqualifying behavior."-darkchocolateonly
"NTA."
"Was extremely prepared to call you the a**hole but this situation is like a sitcom."- SmishSmashPattyBash
"NTA."
"And red flags galore from your partner."- _DontBeAScaredyCunt
"NTA."
"Sounds like Jenny knew from the beginning about you and Amanda's relation."
"She needs to grow up and realize that Amanda is not just your ex, but now your step-sister."
"You and Amanda dated in high school, Jenny needs to stop being hung up on that."- National-Report-5473
"NTA, and I would reflect on Jenny's behavior and stance on other aspects of your social/familial circle."
"If she's freaking out over a high school romance, ten years later and now with a 'step' attached to the ex, what else is Jenny going to freak out about and try to control?"
"Jenny sounds unreasonable at best and potentially controlling at worst."
"Figure this out before you get married."- alloguvnar
"NTA."
"I get its a weird situation, but Amanda is your step sibling now, it was just a high school fling, and its almost a decade and I assume both of you have moved on."
"I think your reasons why not inviting her would be a problem are valid."
"What would Jenny do in this situation if they are in your situation?"- Argylesox95
"Amanda isn’t technically your stepsister."
"She IS your stepsister."
"Your fiancée is wild."
"NTA."- MiniKash
"NTA."
"And I’d even offer/threaten to pause the wedding until this gets sorted."
"If your fiancée is going to go all hardcore drama on this, take note, marriage with her could be a hard road."- ThoughtIndividual114
"NTA."
"Time to pause the wedding prep and have couple's counseling."
"This option is way less expensive in the short run than marrying her and divorcing her because she's incredibly insecure and bombs your life."- JustWowinCA
"NTA."
"But seriously reconsider the marriage."- erl5050
"NTA."
"Are you sure you want to marry this girl?"
"I said 'girl' because clearly she hasn’t grown up yet."
"Your fiancé is being ridiculous."
"Not sure why you would want to put up with this for years to come."- Brilliant-Mess-9870
"NTA."
"This is so silly."
"You dated for a year in high school."
"Who cares?"- ConflictGullible392
"NTA."
"This is really a bit of a red flag."
"What happens if you're married and there are family get togethers on your side and Amanda is present?"- HoneyedVinegar42
"Info - if your family welcoming to your fiancée?"
"Do they make jokes about you and Amanda or behave in a way that could cause your fiancée to feel uncomfortable?"
"If not then NTA for sure, but it seems like such a weird thing to be upset over that I am wondering what the story would be from her perspective."- wannabyte
"NTA."
"Jenny needs to grow the hell up."- WheresMyMule
"NTA."
"She's quite literally family and you only dated for a year in high school, and it's been around ten YEARS since."
"Jenny needs to chill out on the jealousy/insecurity about a relationship that happened when you were a child."- cowboythesis
"NTA."
"But this is a very red flag of your fiancé."
"She’s telling you that she’s very immature, that she doesn’t understand human relationships and that she’s gonna react badly to all the jealous things."
"Be careful with her."- Juls1016
"NTA."
"Jenny is not ready to be in an adult relationship."
"This will be the 1st of many similar problems."
"You won't be allowed to interact with your mother at all if Amanda is around - no Christmas or birthdays, etc."
"Then there will be fights if you happen to look too long at a photo or laugh at a story your mom tells that includes Amanda."
"Then! "
"Add in the next jealousy victim, someone else you dated who you run into at a store or find out you work with their best friend."
"Jealousy doesn't have boundaries when the root of the problem is not resolved."
"Jenny needs to fix herself before she gets married."- seatrepairtech
There were a few, however, who at least understood why Jenny might be uncomfortable having Amanda there, even if they still agreed that the OP did nothing wrong by inviting Amanda to the wedding:
"NAH."
"I’m sorry but it perfectly reasonable to not want someone that has slept with your spouse at the wedding."- mrporter2
It is understandable for anyone to be apprehensive, even uncomfortable, about having their soon-to-be spouse's ex at their wedding.
Sitcoms like Friends and How I Met Your Mother both showed everything that could go wrong in those scenarios.
Even so, Amanda was not a serious, long-term relationship for the OP, but rather his high school sweetheart.
If the OP's fiancée feels threatened by this, then one can only imagine what else might set her off in this marriage.
Something the OP should carefully consider before saying "I do"...
