Friendships evolve.
We make friends as children, thinking these will be our best friends for life, only to lose practically all contact with them as we enter adulthood.
Even our relationships with those we remain friends with through thick and thin tend to change.
While many people take these changes in stride, others find it hard to sustain their friendships afterward.
Redditor Confused_as_alwayss had remained very close with a friend she made in childhood.
However, after her best friend went through a major life change, the original poster (OP) began seeing less and less of her.
Eventually, the OP stopped inviting her friend on outings, knowing her response would likely be no.
A decision that didn't sit well with the OP's friend at all.
Having second thoughts about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here", (AITAH).
"AITAH for telling my best friend it’s her own fault I don’t invite her anymore?"
The OP explained why she began making less of an effort to get together with one particular friend:
"I (30 F[emale]) have a best friend, Charlotte (31 F[emale]), who I’ve always been very close with."
"We’ve known each other since we were 10 and 11 years old, we’ve been through everything together and I truly consider her my best friend."
"Charlotte had a baby four years ago, my niece and goddaughter."
"Before her baby, we would go out with her husband and our friends quite often."
"We have a couple of bars here in my hometown that we love and would go to a few times a month, and we had a lot of fun."
"Obviously, when she became a mother, it was completely understandable that she couldn’t go out as much, and she started turning down offers to come with."
"This was no problem, I get it, and I was never upset or anything."
"As her daughter got older and she started having more free time, I continued to invite her out with us, but she always said she was tired, she didn’t have the energy, etc., again, completely understandable."
"I continued to ask over the last couple of years because I never wanted her to feel left out, but her answers went from being tired, etc to just no, I don’t want to go, I want to stay home."
"So eventually I did stop inviting her and told her to just let me know if she wanted to go out."
"In the last six months, she’s started to get upset when I go out with people because I didn’t ask her."
"Rather than telling me when she wants to go out, as we agreed, she’s been making me feel bad for not inviting her at all."
"She finally snapped at me and asked why I never invite her anymore, and I told her that I stopped inviting her because she always said no and that it’s not fair that she’s getting upset with me for something she’s been doing, and now she’s not talking to me."
"I really don’t think I did anything wrong, but her mother called me to tell me I was needlessly harsh."
" I am not only inviting her to bars, but we also do things like bowling, movies, and escape rooms, etc."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP did nothing wrong by not inviting Charlotte to any more outings.
Everyone thought that the combination of Charlotte never accepting the OP's invitations, as well as never making any effort to get together with the OP either, made her decision to stop inviting her to outings all the more understandable... even if some felt she could have worded her response a little more delicately:
"NTA."
"You invited her for years, she repeatedly said no, and you even told her to let you know when she wanted to go out instead."
"She's upset about being left out, but it's unfair to expect you to keep asking after turning you down so many times."
"Friendship goes both ways."
"You weren't harsh, you were honest."
"If she wants to start going out again, she can simply tell you, and you can start including her again."
"And who calls Mom to tattle and call you?"
'Are we 5th grade?"- Few-Conference-1579
"NTA."
"I saw in one comment you’re babysitting multiple times a week for Charlotte."
"I think you should ask Charlotte what was an action she has recently done to show she prioritizes you/ your friendship (an action that is one on one friend time, not daughter/family adjacent)?'
"You are not her nanny, you’re allegedly a childhood best friend!"- yeehawt22
"NTA."
"Ah Charlotte, what a web you've woven."- Beautiful_Hippo_5574
"NTA."
"And do not make first contact."
"You did absolutely nothing wrong."
"If she's adult enough to have a child, she can be an adult and use her words."
"Nobody gets invites for all eternity if they always say no."
"Her FOMO is not your responsibility."- AdultinginCali
"NTA."
"Did she ever reciprocate with any return invitations?"
"Did she even see you during those years?"
"It sounds like endless bid of friendship getting rejected over and over again."
"It can only go on so long before it stops."- Loud_et_Proud
"NTA."
"Why did everyone assume you only go out and get hammered LoL."
"You sound like you do a whole range of stuff and spend time with your Goddaughter and all that."
"She is just being a little bit petulant."
"She may also be depressed but she shouldn't take it out on you or send her mom your way."- QueenBruja18
"NTA."
"She's the one that must show initiative now."
"You're not ignoring her on purpose, and she's welcome to join any time she wants."- chuchofreeman
"Nope NTA."
"I’m a mum of 5, 3 of them were born one year after the other."
"And I had zero energy to do anything at all."
"My friends understood."
"And went out and did things together without me, and that was fine!"
"But I was the one that would organize something so I couldn’t bail when I did want to get out of the house, and they showed up every time."
"I can imagine she’s feeling left out (even if she says no, it’s nice to be invited somewhere), but after a while it gets old."- amzi95
"NTA."
"Friendships require effort, and she wasn't putting any in, so she missed out."
"Tell her Mum to take a seat, her daughter is in her 30's with a husband and kids."- Mean-Confidence3477
"What is she doing to continue prioritizing the friendship?"
"NTA."- bahahah2025
"NTA she sucks."
"And honestly it’s not like she’s been your friend."- Careless_Welder_4048
"I’d flip this around on her."
"Why is the onus on you to invite her out?"
'When was the last time she invited you out for anything?"
"NTA, obviously."- helius0
"NTA."
"And I think you’re being plenty understanding."
"Maybe there was some word choice that I’m not seeing or a matter of timing for that friend but on principle, I see nothing wrong with what you did."- Regular-Forever-3251
"NTA she's acting like a teenager."
"It's fine that she doesn't want to go."
"It's fine that she says no."
"It's fine that she likes being asked, and it's fine that you're tired of inviting."
"It'll be hard for her since she doesn't know when you're up to something, she's not a mind reader."
"Perhaps she could arrange something and invite others rather than mope around."- fck-rffld
"NTA."
"It doesn’t sound harsh; you were repeating your agreement is all."
"It feels like something else is going on with her, and it’s not about you not asking."
"Talk to her mom to explain in detail."
"It sounds like the new mom is stressed, and it’s not just about her friend not asking her to go out."
"You did talk to her about going out and when she wants to go out again to let you know; it was agreed."
"Maybe her mother doesn’t know that part."
"Then start inviting her out, but pre-planned weeks in advance and make sure the mom knows even before she knows so she can be support it making that happen to get a good few nights sleep beforehand."
"I’d feel bad to ask her out and have so many times thinking she knows everything about her friends are out and about, and she is maybe stuck at home or too tired."
"Sounds like torture, but if she was ready she can put her hat in the ring."- Tb1969
"NTA."
"I've found that the people who complain 'you never invite me anymore' never actually organize/invite other people to anything."
"I had one friend who complained about our movie/pizza nights, 'Why are these always at your place?' and I pointed out that he never invites anyone to his home."
"'Do you want us to invite ourselves to your home? Do we need to bring the pizza and beer?'"
"Maybe the father of these children could actually parent them for a couple hours and she could invite people into her home for drinks, snacks and conversation?"- Militantignorance
No one would argue that becoming a parent limits your social life.
However, even if you can't do what you once did, there is always a way to make time with your friends.
Something Charlotte doesn't even seem to consider.
