Wedding dress shopping has turned into such a big deal that many bridal salons require appointments, and there are multiple reality shows, filmed around the world, to capture the dress selection experience.
Frequently, brides bring an entourage to their appointment that may include members of their bridal party, friends, family members and future in-laws. Some salons have waiting lists that are months long, meaning a missed or canceled appointment may take months to reschedule.
So what if someone flakes on showing up for the appointment? If the tardy or missing party isn't the bride, should the appointment be postponed or canceled?
A bride-to-be who didn't think she should scrap her appointment because of her mother's poor planning turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Dramatic_Ford4734 asked:
"AITA for not waiting on my mom before trying on wedding dresses?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My wedding is less than a month away. My parents live about 4 hours away and are in the middle of moving to Florida."
"We got engaged 3 weeks ago and are getting married in a month. We just want to be married! We’re both very traditional, don’t live together, and won’t until the wedding night. I’m ready to start our lives together. We both are. So we chose not to have a long engagement."
"Since my mom was going to be back in Texas this weekend packing up their house, I planned my wedding dress shopping around her being here. She had known about the appointment for over three weeks."
"The plan was for my bridesmaids, my mom, my grandma, my fiancé's mom, and me to stay in a hotel Friday night and have a girls' night. Saturday was my bridal appointment at 12 PM and bridesmaid dress shopping at 1 PM."
"Friday morning, my mom called and said she and my grandma weren't staying at the hotel because they still had too much to do. I was disappointed, but told her I'd see her the next day."
"We were meeting in Dallas, about halfway between us."
"Saturday morning around 9:30, I called my mom, and she didn't answer. I called my grandma, who said my mom was still asleep. I told her they needed to leave soon or they'd be late, so my grandma woke my mom up and they left."
"On the way to David's Bridal, I kept trying to call my mom, but she wasn't answering, so I had no idea where she was or if she was coming."
"We arrived around 11:45. At 12:00, my mom finally answered and said she was 5 minutes away. We waited. At 12:05, she still wasn't there, and nobody wanted to keep eating into my appointment time, so I started trying on dresses."
"At about 12:10, after I had already started, my mom called again. My sister-in-law (SIL) answered. She asked if I wanted to talk to my mom, and I said no because I was upset. My mom told my SIL that she had accidentally put the hotel into her GPS instead of David's Bridal and was still about 15 minutes away."
"I continued the appointment. My mom arrived around 12:30. When she walked in, I had just come out in my third dress. It ended up being the dress I chose. Everyone was taking pictures and my SIL was crying."
"My mom got to see the dress and was there when I chose it, but she missed the moment when I first came out in it and realized it might be 'the one'."
"Afterward, she called my dad crying because she felt excluded. She said she didn't realize Friday night was supposed to be a girls' night and that I should have switched appointments with the bridesmaids so I could wait for her."
"My dad later called me selfish for not waiting. He said a mother only gets to experience wedding dress shopping with her daughter once and she'll never get that moment back."
"My perspective is that she knew about the appointments for weeks, skipped the hotel night, overslept, wasn't answering calls, and then drove to the wrong location. We waited when she said she was 5 minutes away, but after she still wasn't there and then said it would be another 15 minutes, I felt like I needed to continue with my scheduled appointment."
"AITA?"
The OP later added:
"I definitely didn’t think about switching the appointments at the time. I didn’t think about it until later when my dad called me and told me that’s what I should have done."
"But I’m glad I had my dress picked out by the time we looked at the bridesmaid dresses because I ended up wanting a completely different color for them after seeing what I originally wanted, blush, next to my dress. We switched the bridesmaids' dresses from blush to wine."
"So realistically, it wouldn’t have worked anyway. The whole situation was just unfortunate. I hate that she wasn’t there. I kept looking at the door, waiting for her to walk in."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I think I might be the a**hole because I started my wedding dress appointment without my mom and continued trying on dresses before she arrived. She feels that I should have waited longer or switched appointments with the bridesmaids so she could be there from the beginning and see my reactions to every dress."
"Because she missed the moment when I first came out in the dress I ultimately chose, she feels excluded and believes I prioritized staying on schedule and having a nice moment with my fiancé‘s family over including her in an important mother-daughter milestone and without any of my family present."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) for not waiting for her mother.
"If it was so important, she'd have made sure she would be there by staying at the hotel or getting her a** out of bed or answering her phone or paying attention to where she was going. But it seems like the only thing important to your mother is herself."
"You had a one-hour appointment, and because of her own choices, she showed up 30 minutes late."
"If she feels excluded, it's completely her fault for taking multiple steps to make sure she was. Or was her real goal to bring all the attention to herself, and you didn't enable her like your father apparently does? NTA." ~ MohawMais
"NTA. When there is an event SO IMPORTANT TO ME (as the mom of my child) - an experience 'a mother only gets... once, and she'll never get that moment back,' then I'm going to make sure I'm up and ready to go in good time."
"I get that your mom is in the process of moving and has a lot to do, but she needed to prioritize this event that was so important to her by making sure she ended on Friday night at a decent enough time to get enough sleep and be clear with grandma that she absolutely wanted to be up by X time."
"Still, things happen. Rough night from being over-tired, wrong destination in GPS... But then your mom needs to STOP. Remember that - as important as this event is to her - it is even MORE important to you. You only get so much time for your appointment."
"Your mom is essentially telling you it doesn't matter why she was late or how late she would end up being. If you have to miss every second of your appointment time, waste EVERYONE else's time, that was OK with her - as long as you didn't try on a dress until she arrived. As folks say these days - that is some Main Character Syndrome."
"You all did wait 5 minutes for her, that is reasonable slack. But after that, she needed to recognize that she was the one who slept in, she was the one who programmed the wrong destination. All perfectly understandable if she was juggling a lot on her own plate. BUT she doesn't get to make you and everyone else pay the consequences for her."
"I know she mentioned switching with the bridesmaids. We have no idea if you could interchange them. Maybe not, if the assistant needs to be able to access specific dresses (bride vs bridesmaids) within specific windows."
"But even if it had been possible, she can't excuse all her misses and be upset if you didn't think of that solution in the moment after you were already anxious because she wasn't answering her phone or bothering to show up on time."
"And if there were risks to switching the two appointments, she definitely can't blame you for not wanting to add more risk to your already impacted appointment." ~ swillshop
OP set up a nice weekend for everyone to participate in her dress shopping.
Her mother chose not to participate, chose not to get out of bed on time, chose not to answer her phone, and then didn’t pay attention to where she was going.
That sounds like a mom problem.
