Who pays for weddings in parts of the world colonized and settled by Britain—Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the United States—adopted the customs of the United Kingdom. The bride's parents paid for everything.
If the groom's family contributed, it was usually for just the rehearsal dinner.
Those customs have changed over the past few decades. More weddings are seeing contributions from both sides of the family. And morecouples ard choosing to pay for everything themselves.
A bride-to-be turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over a last minute expense for her upcoming wedding.
No_Yesterday5968 asked:
"AITA for asking my bridesmaids to contribute to matching pyjamas after already paying for everything else?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (the bride) am getting married soon and I'm wondering if I handled this situation badly."
"For some context, I've paid for everything for my bridal party. I've covered their bridesmaid dresses, hair, makeup, accessories and accommodation for the wedding. I've never expected them to pay for any of those expenses because I wanted to treat them and make things as easy as possible."
"Literally no expense for them. I haven’t had a bridal shower or hens party."
"My maid of honour (MOH) originally suggested that we all wear matching pyjamas for the getting-ready photos. At first, I assumed she was going to organise them since it was her idea and she said she was going to, however it somehow ended up becoming my responsibility."
"The bridesmaids picked out a set of pyjamas they loved, but they're $140 each. With four bridesmaids plus myself, that's around $700 just on pyjamas that will only be worn for a small part of the day."
"They kept asking me when I was ordering them and whether I'd done it yet, so I sent a message to our group chat explaining that while I liked those pyjamas too, they were more expensive than I could justify paying on top of everything else I'd already covered."
"I said that if they specifically wanted those ones, I'd need everyone to contribute towards the cost. I also offered to buy a cheaper matching alternative myself if they didn't want to chip in."
"Instead of understanding, one of my bridesmaids told me it was inconsiderate to ask them to pay and that I'd have to wait until payday because they had no money to contribute."
"Now I'm second-guessing myself. I genuinely wasn't trying to dump costs on them, I just felt that after paying for their dresses, hair, makeup, accessories and accommodation, asking them to contribute if they wanted a premium brand of pyjamas wasn't unreasonable."
"I also gave them the option of me purchasing a more affordable matching set instead."
The OP later added:
"I'm not American, all bridal party is Australian. Marrying Irish man, however wedding is in Australia. I’m potentially moving there after the wedding, so that’s why were having the wedding in Australia, sort of a goodbye to all my family and friends at the same time."
"I'm definitely the organiser of my friends group. If something's getting planned, it usually falls to me because organising isn't really everyone else's strong suit so I’m not surprised a hens or shower hasn’t occurred."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA, but this is why I hate weddings. I think the pictures will still be cute in clothes that aren’t $700." ~ Just-Forever6684
"There's probably a perfectly good match to the one they picked out for even $40-60 a pop, they're just mad because before OP set the boundary they were viewing every price tag as $0." ~ CapeOfBees
"And you'll notice when the bride is paying, they want the expensive ones, but when they have to pay, that's asking too much." ~ Deep_Cupcake_8853
"Someone in my daughter's wedding party mentioned this idea the night before the wedding. One of the bridesmaids ran out to Target with my credit card and grabbed the pajamas that came in the right sizes. They cost something like $25 each."
"Everything really doesn't need to be so difficult. Every time I read one of these stories, I can hear people on the bridal industry cackling over their potential profit." ~ dasher2581
"I mean, this bride is paying for everything including accommodations. Her friends suck."
"If the reasoning is that they’re simply doing poorly financially, then they should be grateful that the bride is willing to pay for a cheaper alternative herself. Instead, they’re throwing a tantrum over it." ~ LostMichiganian
"It'd be different if 1) the matching PJs were OPs idea and 2) OP was the one that picked out the expensive PJs. Under those circumstances, it'd be more understandable for them to expect OP to cover the cost."
"However, this whole idea wasn't even OPs, it was her maid of honor who came up with it and it was the bridesmaids themselves who decided on the PJs. OP is willing to cover the expense for the 'cheaper' PJs....her bridal party is being extremely entitled and unreasonable." ~ IceRose81
"They are doing an uno reverse on the bride. Usually when the bridesmaids are paying for things it is the bride that is pick out unreasonable stuff or demanding an expensive multi day bachelorette party that she is t chipping in for.
"But now since she is paying, they want the moon and stars."
"OP, it is YOUR wedding; do you even care about the matching pajamas idea?" ~ myssi24
"The bridesmaids should have just said 'That's OK, we can't afford it either, let's go with the less expensive option' OR, and this is wild, get dressed for the wedding without every second having to be a glamorous photo op."
"It never even occurred to me to ask my bridesmaids to put on pjs that matched while we got prepped for the wedding. But, I'm old."
"Back in my day we got proposed to without a camera capturing it, just a nice setting, me and him (actually it was on a ski lift at Mt Thredbo, quite a cute moment, but alas, no photos, and no family hiding behind trees to cheer us on)." ~ Mauinfinity-0805
"my boyfriend and i will have a court house wedding & then save all the money for the honeymoon. $700 for pjs for a day is nuts, the way weddings have escalated in the past decade under social media is too much."
"I was my friend’s MOH, and afterward she told me she was upset I didn't organize more trendy events like random mimosas or elaborate games. i lived 2k miles away and rented a place for a month by her just to do so much help, paid for the combined bachelor/bachelorette party and made individual shirts for all 14 people."
"Still wasn't enough because she’s influencer-lite and upset I didn't do the elaborate 'get ready w the bride' trends. She was writing her wedding speech the morning of! like it was so, so much to do, the most beautiful and perfect time and event, and still things weren’t good enough."
"Feels like the mindset of 'best day ever' creates a lot of stress or can color how things look in hindsight." ~ clackagaling
"NTA. If you're paying for everything else for them, then how is it inconsiderate of you to ask them to pay for the pajamas they want to wear? Funny how $140 is too much for pajamas when they're paying for it, but not when you are." ~ ScaryLove6945
"The worst part is that OP is actually willing to cover the cost of 'cheaper' pajamas and even with the more expensive ones, they're willing to cover part of the costs, and she's just asking that her bridesmaids contribute to PART of the expense. The bridal party is just being inconsiderate and greedy." ~ IceRose81
"NTA. You’ve already paid for almost everything, so it’s reasonable to say no to $700 pajamas. If they want the expensive set, they should definitely contribute." ~ milkandlillies
"Agreed! They’re taking advantage of the generosity and trying to get themselves a new pair of skims or other luxury brand on OPs dime."
"Which is gross, and I’m sorry your friends are being like this. No matter what happens, please do not buy them those pajamas!" ~ theodore-726
"I've been in several weddings, and I always had to pay for everything. Dresses, shoes, accessories, makeup, hair, lodging, reception dinners, rehearsal dinners, and don't even get me started on the destination weddings and bridal showers with airline tickets, hotels, fine dining, ugh.
"OP's bridesmaids here are getting off easy. PJ pics would be cute but not $700 cute. OP is NTA." ~ Johnny_2Times
"NTA, that's pretty greedy of them. It's like when someone goes to dinner knowing someone else is paying and orders all the most expensive things, then gets mad when they're asked to contribute a bit because they know they're taking advantage." ~ xMissingMusic
"Worse. It's like when someone goes to dinner knowing someone else is paying and orders all the most expensive things, then demands to be taken out to a separate place for very expensive after-dinner cocktails and gets mad when they're asked to contribute to the cost of the unplanned drinks." ~ No_Lemon6036
"NTA. If they want fancy pajamas, they can buy themselves fancy pajamas." ~ Momjamoms
"NTA, pajamas‽‽‽"
"You mean the items of clothing they will DEFINITELY get a lot of use out of (unlike the common complaint of bridesmaid dresses)?"
"This is ridiculous of them, and I would be side-eyeing them being considered friends, sorry if that seems harsh." ~ Nevilles_Remembrall_
OP is being very generous with their bridesmaids. No one thought it was unreasonable for OP to push back against a last-minute $700 expense proposed by her maid of honor.
