Many brides approach their weddings with a clear vision.
The color scheme, the flowers, and the wedding party all represent a dream.
But that dream doesn’t always mesh with everyone attending.
The vision sometimes clashes with the comfort of the wedding party.
And that can be a major issue for a bride with conviction.
Redditor Fluffy_Vast_8210 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for altering a bridesmaid dress so it’s not so revealing?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My brother Joe (55 M[ale]) is about to marry Sue (27 F[emale]).”
“A few months ago Sue asked both me (60 F) and my sister June (53 F) to be bridesmaids.”
“I was touched, as I have only met Sue a few times (they live in another state).”
“Besides myself and June, there are four other bridesmaids, all under 30.”
“When Sue sent me the link for the bridesmaid dress, I was horrified.”
“I’m sure the dress will look lovely on her young friends, but I would not want to be seen wearing it in public.”
“It’s super sexy – plunging neckline, thigh-high slit, so clingy that it would reveal every lump on my rump.”
“Please understand that I am not a prude.”
“I am reasonably fit, and I enjoy dressing up, but I AM 60 years old.”
“I would not be comfortable showing that much skin at a formal event with all of our relatives present.”
“I called Sue and nicely asked if there was a more modest version I could wear.”
“She insisted this was the dress she wanted all her bridesmaids in.”
“She wouldn’t budge, and not wanting to cause family strife, I didn’t push it.”
“June doesn’t like it either, but she’s a marathon runner so she can pull it off!”
“So I ordered the dress several sizes too large.”
“I took it to a seamstress and had her take it in so it fits, but doesn’t cling so tightly to my backside.”
“Using some of the extra fabric she fixed the neckline so it doesn’t reveal so much boobage.”
“And she lowered the height of the thigh slit to a few inches above my knee, rather than nearly to my panties.”
“The adjustments are very subtle and hardly noticeable.”
“It actually looks great on me now.”
“When Sue heard I’d had the dress altered, she flew into a rage!”
“She texted me that she does not want a ‘chopped up dress’ in her wedding pictures.”
“I sent her photos of me wearing it, but she’s not having it.”
“Joe called and told me that I’ve been ‘disinvited’ from the wedding party, and they have replaced me with another friend.”
“I thought they didn’t want me at the wedding at all, so I canceled my hotel reservation (I hadn’t bought my plane ticket yet).”
“Clearly I’ve upset Sue, and I don’t want there to be conflict on her big day.”
“Plus, I’m afraid there would be awkward questions about why my sister is a bridesmaid and I am not. “
“It seems to me it would be less awkward for them to respond to any questions about me with vague ‘she was unable to make the trip’ answers.”
“I’m also not keen on spending more money on this event where I don’t really feel welcome.”
“I’ve already dropped several hundred on the dress, alterations, and matching shoes.”
“I let Joe know I still am very happy for him and will of course send them a generous wedding gift.”
“But he said they DID want me there, and now he’s not speaking to me at all, and Sue is telling June that I ‘ruined’ her wedding.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for altering the dress so I wouldn’t feel naked? And once that blew up, for not wanting to go to the wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“NTA because of the age difference, this marriage won’t last. in ten years your brother will be retiring and she will be in her late 30s.”
“Catch the next one.” ~ magog12
“Your brother is 55, and is marrying a 27???”
“Gross!!!”
“Also NTA! At least you got a nice dress.”
“Have some fun on that day instead.” ~ MildLittlRain
“NTA. If people care more about either power or appearances than about people or relationships, they have to be aware people may not respond as they’d wish.” ~ ea77271
“NTA. At 60, you can rock any style you want.”
“Don’t let anybody tell you any different.”
“Also, psssst, you just set off Reddit’s age-gap alarm.”
“Now the dogs are gonna start barking, and they won’t stop until this thread dies down.”
“Reddit goes collectively bonkers over age-gap relationships.” ~ zyzmog
“NTA. You shouldn’t send a gift.” ~ murphy2345678
“NTA. The bride should consider adjustments and alternations and not be so rigid.”
“You can’t take one dress and make it fit on everyone.”
“People come in all shapes and sizes.”
“She’s being narrow-minded.”
“You can’t force someone to wear a revealing dress.”
“Slight adjustments should be acceptable.” ~ REDDIT
“Wow… this is one of those wow posts… Def NTA!!!”
“But props to you for being so rigid that she can’t allow a more mature woman to choose not to wear a dress slit up to her unmentionables, really Sue?”
“#BridezillaModeActivated… and I would love to see OP have a nice little vacay the weekend of the wedding somewhere amazing, like maybe Hawaii this time of year.”
“You deserve it for maintaining such poise in the face of #JustAnotherMilienialTantrum #SlitGate.” ~ Dizzy-Ad-2248
“NTA and this is waaaay too much grade school drama for people in his age group.”
“Hell, even the 27-year-old gets no passes.” ~l ughsezboo
“NTA and I’m with you.”
“I wouldn’t attend at all and avoid all the drama.”
“I think even if you show up, Sue is going to make that an issue too.” ~ IgnotusPeverill
“Stay home.”
“The bride (and your brother) were extremely disrespectful to you.”
“She’s already telling everyone that you ruined her wedding.”
“Guarantee if you show up, she’s going to s**t talk you and make sure you’re miserable.”
“As to the generous gift, send her your beautiful altered dress.”
“In 30 years, she might appreciate it.”
“Miss 27-year-old can wear it to your brother’s funeral because I hate to say it, but unless something happens, she’s going to outlive him by decades.” ~ TraditionScary8716
“Eh, you could’ve talked to her about wanting to alter the dress first.”
“It sounds like she would’ve said no, but then you could’ve just gracefully exited the wedding party and saved the money on the alterations at least.”
“She’s 27, and she’s being an immature 27.”
“And your brother is aspiring to a similar maturity level despite being twice that age, presumably because he wants to recapture his sense of youth and/or because he can’t pull a more mature woman.”
“Attend if you think you’ll enjoy it, or it’ll be less trouble in the long run; only you can do that math.”
“But MY math says this coupling is unlikely to be worth the paper the wedding certificate is printed on in the long run, so going any further out of your way should be for you, not them.”
“They’ve shown they don’t care about your feelings, no need to worry too much about theirs.” ~ oliviamrow
“NTA. Sue’s acting like you ruined your dress completely, even though you paid a professional.”
“Also the age gap between the ‘happy couple’ is a little odd, she shouldn’t be surprised that a different generation wants to dress slightly differently.” ~ UnfairEntrance159
OP responded…
“Thank you! You seem to ‘get’ it.”
“I actually paid quite a bit of money to the seamstress, and she did a lovely job.”
“The dress barely looks different from the others at all, it just covers me up a bit more, which seems more appropriate for a 60-year-old woman.”
“I truly did think this was the best solution and would make everyone happy.”
“Boy was I wrong.”
“For context, this is my brother’s second marriage, and yep, she’s quite a bit younger than he is.”
“But they do seem to be genuinely in love, so I wish them well.”
“The wedding is next month, and I still haven’t decided if I should just bite the bullet and face the awkwardness by attending.”
Reddit continued…
“YOU weren’t wrong.”
“You were perfectly reasonable and gracious.”
“Your brother is marrying someone who has, to put it relatively kindly, some issues with maturity.”
“Her tantrums are something he’s going to have to get used to, as it seems they are quite effective.” ~ Significant_Ruin4870
“NTA. You didn’t ruin anything.”
“And there’s too much drama in this relationship.”
“That’s a fight you have to choose.”
“I’m about not 1 bit of drama. Or I walk.”
“That’s me, though.”
“Had you driven through the venue on a 4-wheeler during the ceremony? Ya.”
“You ruined the wedding.”
“Not this, though.”
“That’s respecting yourself.”
“And if that’s not acceptable to them.”
“How they feel about you respecting yourself.”
“Doesn’t even matter at this point.”
“Much respect to you.” ~ ComprehensiveBuy7386
“NTA. This is nuts.”
“I see absolutely no problems with having a decolletage adjusted; every woman has a different shape and different breasts, and the same dress could look lovely on one and scandalous on another, especially since as we age, the girls hang lower.”
“Same thing with the slit, every woman has different leg lengths, different thigh and hip shapes, and the slit could be risqué on one person but downright obscene on another.”
“Why would anyone insist on people being uncomfortable at their wedding or constantly adjusting to ensure that there is no wardrobe malfunction?” ~ Little_Loki918
“NTA. I would really like an update about how the wedding turns out.”
“It sounds like the bride is delusional expecting two older women to be okay with a super revealing dress alongside young women in their 20s.”
“She’s a drama queen and you sound like a genuinely nice person who’s a lot of fun.” ~ squirrelsareevil2479
“I’m just about 27, and my dad is 55.”
“I can’t imagine marrying with that age gap, but if I did I’d try to be empathetic to all the ages that would be included in the wedding party. NTA.” ~ Dinearrhea
“NTA. But you shouldn’t have told her what alterations you got done, just that you got it altered to fit you.”
“That’s what I did for my best friend’s wedding.”
“To this day I don’t think she knows what all I got done to that butt ugly dress so make it suit my body better.”
“It looked just like the other bridesmaids unless you knew how to look.” ~ sexdrugsjokes
“You probably should have discussed it with the bride in advance or even withdrew from the wedding party, but I get why you did it.”
“I couldn’t pull off that kind of dress either and wouldn’t be comfortable in it.”
“It sounds like the bride made a bigger deal than needed. NTA.” ~ Careless-Ability-748
“NTA. Honestly, I wouldn’t have let anyone know what I’d done to alter the dress and just show up the day of wearing it.”
“I’ve seen lots of brides who choose a color, and as long as your dress is the correct color, the bridesmaids choose the dress that they feel comfortable wearing!” ~ DoubleD3989
“NTA. But really you should have turned down the offer to be in the wedding in the 1st place and to just attend since you aren’t that close.” ~ QL58
“NTA. I admit I got a good belly laugh over the bride-to-be’s reaction.”
“You can tell your brother you’ll wear the dress at his next wedding because this one already has red flags all over it.” ~ empreur
“NTA. She’s acting totally insane.”
“This honestly reads like she’s trying to set you up for some kind of blackmail.”
“The whole situation is incredibly uncomfortable, between the age difference going on with your brother’s new wife And that wife-to-be’s behavior.”
“Yikes. I understand that you don’t want to cause family strife and it’s tough to be in awkward situations and the center of family drama, but honestly, as hard as that is, I wouldn’t give in on this. Just don’t go to the wedding.” ~ One-Rub-5666
“NTA. A wedding isn’t an excuse for making the people in your wedding party uncomfortable because of the clothes they are pressured to wear.”
“I think this is selfish AF.” ~ akaredshasta
“NTA. Sue is clearly a 27-year-old twit with no sense of class or decorum.” ~ MsTea69
Reddit has your back, OP.
And thankfully, now your dress has your back. (Pun intended)
You deserve to feel comfortable in what you’re wearing.
Sue and your brother seem to completely disregard other people’s feelings.
You do what makes you feel best.
If you don’t want to attend… don’t.
This is their issue, not yours.