Marriage joins two families together. The hope is to makes a big united family.
However not everyone wants to just get along.
After the mother of the bride started getting upset over her own dress the mother of the groom was left with some hard feelings.
Redditor CommunicationOk3459 turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement.
She asked:
“AITA for picking my mother of the groom dress before the mother of the bride?”
The Original Poster (OP) went into detail about the wedding stresser.
“My (52) son, Mark (27) is getting married next spring. His fiance, Allie (26M), is great and very laid back and calm about the wedding and the details.”
“My husband and I are paying for a lot of the wedding if that matters. Allie got her dress about 2 months ago so now it is her Mother’s turn to pick a dress.”
“The thing is her Mother Diane (59) can be a bit difficult. I mentioned that I would like to start shopping for mine sooner rather than later because my husband and I spend the winter at our second home in another state.”
“I would like to have the dress in and alterations done before we leave. We do usually return for both Thanksgiving and again for Christmas but we are usually busy during this time and trying to fit in alterations could prove to be difficult.”
“Her mother said she probably won’t be picking out a dress until the fall at the earliest. I had Diane and Allie over for lunch a few days later so we could plan a few of the details and again mentioned that I would like to start looking for dresses.”
“Allie said no problem and we could go shopping the following weekend. Diane only said that it was proper etiquette for her to get her dress first.”
“I agreed and said she should come too. She refused and said she wants to wait.”
“I asked her if she knew what color or style she wanted and she gave me a list of pretty much every color that would complement the bridesmaids’ dresses. Allie asked her to pick 3 colors which she did.”
After this conversation OP thought the matter was settled, however the mother of the bride had a different idea.
“Allie, my daughter and I went shopping a few weeks ago and I found a great dress that is perfect for the wedding. I ordered it and everyone was happy.”
“Diane called me this morning and said she found a dress and when she sent it to Allie, it was the same color as mine (not one of the 3 colors she picked) and that she would like me to pick a new dress.”
“I politely declined because the dress was expensive and not returnable. She then suggested I use it when my daughter gets married (she is not engaged or in a serious relationship so I have no idea if or when or what type of wedding she would have).”
“I do not want to cause problems but I feel like I gave her the colors she wanted and the chance to buy her dress first, both of which she declined.”
“So AITA for not following this etiquette.”
Redditors judged this conflict of the mother-in-laws by deciding:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reached a consensus declaring OP was NTA.
“NTA. My bet is this is a power play – she found out what color you were wearing and decided on a dress in that exact color. tell her to wear what she wants, but you’ve chosen your dress.”
”Alternatively, if you’re feeling nice, tell her you’ll buy something else as soon as she pays you for the first dress, since you can’t return it.”~rishcash
“NTA and frankly, sounds like she is making up the BS of who gets first dibs. I will bet my second to last dollar that she deliberately chose the same color to make trouble.”
“So long as the bride is chill with it, she can deal with her mother. And tbh, unless you two are going to dance arm in arm, you are going to be apart from each other and it will just look coordinated and pretty.”~Avocadosarecool2000
“My mum wore white to my wedding. I went with her to pick it – she looked amazing! It was a lovely white 60s-style knee-length sheath dress with black piping and a a matching bolero jacket.”
“I literally told her to buy it because she looked so great. I wonder if someone said something to her after because she spent weeks after the wedding apologising for wearing white, as if I hadn’t basically marched her to the checkout with it.”
“Communication with these things is always key! And I think that’s absolutely where OP is NTA here because the bride came with her and picked the dress, and the bride told her own mother to get it together. All drama is coming from the MotB rather than OP.”~whimsical-editor
“Good lord, NTA. This woman can be a little difficult, you say? No kidding. She’s intentionally making this difficult.”
“I’m planning a wedding now too, and it sounds like your future DIL and I feel similarly about it: these details aren’t important. Wear your dress.”
“Her mother is also free to wear the dress she bought, if she wants. There will be relatively few pictures that contain both of you, and surely you’ll be separated by at least a couple people. No one else will care even a little what you’re wearing.”~MungotheSquirell
“This is about the MOB having control over MOG for some weird reason. I is also why he did the weird flex of getting he same color and then telling OP to change her dress.”
“She was given options but of course, she dismissed them, followed but then ignored the boundaries she was given because she almost immediately went out to purchase a dress after OP went and picked the same color.”
“This was deliberate. I’m actually shocked she told OP in enough time to get a new dress rather than waiting until the last minute and throwing a huge tanty when she doesn’t get her way.”
“NTA- you are partially paying for the wedding. The bride was good with your dress. MIL can pound sand.”~Ursula2071
The main focus of the wedding should be on the bride and groom, not a petty mother in law.