Lying is not really okay, except maybe to preserve someone's feelings about how they look in that t-shirt they love, and it's alarming how quickly some people default to lying out of convenience.
It's a quality that most people don't want in a lifelong partner because of how it could poison their marriage, and that's valid, agreed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor bumbl3beee3 went to a baseball game with their brother, not yet realizing that it overlapped with their brother's anniversary dinner that he was voluntarily standing his fiancée up for.
When he later expected the Original Poster (OP) to cover for him and say he couldn't get out of work, they couldn't bear to lie to their future sister-in-law about where he'd actually been.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my brother's fiancée why he really missed their anniversary dinner?"
The OP's brother missed his own anniversary dinner to go to a baseball game instead.
"My brother told his fiancée he missed their anniversary dinner because he got called into work."
"I knew that wasn’t true because he was with me at a baseball game."
"I was unaware of their anniversary when he invited me, but I knew he was lying when I heard him make the excuse to her after the fact."
"He must have noticed my reaction, because he begged me not to say anything because he’d already lied and 'it would only make things worse.'"
The OP couldn't cover for their brother.
"A few days later, his fiancée was talking about how lucky she was to have someone who cared so much about his job, and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut."
"I told her where he actually was and that it was why he missed their anniversary dinner."
The OP was blamed for the consequences.
"She immediately left, and now their wedding is on hold."
"My brother says I ruined his relationship over 'one stupid lie.'"
"My parents think I should’ve stayed out of it because it wasn’t my business."
"But I think she deserved to know she was being lied to."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some immediately debunked the OP's parents' comment, pointing out that it became the OP's business when their brother expected them to uphold his lie about the baseball game.
"NTA. What the f**k do they mean 'not your business'? He literally MADE it your business when he used you in his cover story." - WrittenInTheStars
"NTA. Don't lie in front of me and then make me part of that lie without my consent." - OneMinuteSewing
"'My brother says I ruined his relationship over 'one... lie,' and my parents think I should’ve stayed out of it because it wasn’t my business.'"
"HIS lie."
"And somehow he tried to make it seem like OP is the one who lied??"
"But, the parents acting like this is why this man is old enough to be engaged and is still such an infant in his behavior." - OffKira
"You also didn't go out of your way at all to tell her; it came up very naturally."
"I would categorize 'going out of your way' as bringing it up in convo or texting or calling the fiancée specifically to rat him out."
"When it literally comes back up in conversation by her choice at an in-person event, and now he’s expecting OP to just sit there and agree, 'Yes, he’s such a good man working those extra hours just for you, babygirl,' that’s a whole other level of expectation about this lie." - katieironfist
"Even if it was the one lie, it was HIS lie. But once he tried to strong-arm OP into going along with it, maybe he figured it was no longer his lie alone; it was their lie; therefore, he didn't bear the full responsibility for it."
"(I am trying to think as a childish person, it's difficult, LOL.)" - SpeedDemon241428
"It ABSOLUTELY would have gotten worse if OP agreed to remain silent."
"The brother would have probably kept using him in his cover-ups as he holds this lie over his head." - IceSeeker
"NTA. He made it your business when he begged you to not say anything. You didn’t go out of your way to tell her. He went from being a man she admires to one who lied to her about something she clearly cares about."
"I would definitely want to know this about the person I was about to marry."
"And I don’t agree with the comments saying that it depends on whether or not you knew it was his anniversary when you agreed to go to the game."
"He either made the baseball plans already knowing it was his anniversary and that he would lie to her about it, or forgot it was his anniversary and should have just told her as soon as he realized he already had plans for that day." - AnxietyAttactuary99
"Nobody wants to be held accountable for their actions anymore. It's like morality isn't important, just let people do what they want to whoever they want, and if you feel icky about it and call it out as wrong, you're the one with the problem." - Rich-Pirate-4745
"NTA. They don't see it now, but you saved your brother the cost of a divorce. Because he was heading in that direction anyway." - elusivemoniker
"NTA. It's not fair or appropriate to tell someone else they have to lie on your behalf. Your brother doesn't get to demand you lie to his fiancée to maintain his deception."
"Based on your story, she was talking to you about the anniversary, and you didn't go out of your way to snitch or insert yourself in someone else's business."
"This is a problem entirely of your brother's making, and he deserves whatever consequences come from it (and his fiancée deserved to know that he's a liar before committing to marriage). I'm baffled by your parents' responses." - JRM34
Others reassured the OP that the fiancée deserved to know the truth, and if this was a dealbreaker for her, then that should be respected.
"I doubt it was one lie if it ruined the relationship singlehandedly."
"The brother calling it 'one stupid lie' is already downplaying the one he was trying to get OP to keep."
"I think he's lied to his ex-fiancée more times than he's letting on, and this was the finishing touch for her." - lemon_charlie
"If I were her, I'd be grateful for you. You would have been a good sibling-in-law. NTA." - pianoandpasta
"NTA, you didn't ruin the relationship. Your brother did. If he's already willing to skip important dates and then lie about it, the marriage was probably doomed anyway, so you saved them both a lot of time and money." - fyrelight3
"NTA. She had a right to know, especially about something that shows a pattern of lying. You didn’t 'ruin' the relationship." - JustAChubbyTexan
"If the game meant so much, he could have ASKED his fiancée if they could have their anniversary dinner a day earlier or something. I’m sure there are some women that would be okay with that."
"Or ask her to go to the game instead of the OP! My wife loves baseball and loves going to games and likely would love to do that for an anniversary if our anniversary overlapped with the season." - Pizzacato567
"I don't know, skipping your anniversary to go watch a baseball game might be enough for me to consider breaking up. Over baseball? Do you know how many hundreds of games a season there are?"
"Go marry baseball instead, I guess."
"And that's from a dude's perspective. I don't even care about anniversaries really, but lying to me on our anniversary to skip our milestone dinner to go watch f**king baseball is something else."
"Also, if you lie about something like that, what else are you gonna lie about down the line? That's a trust-shattering event right there." - Same-Suggestion-1936
"NTA. Making up lies about where you’ve been instead of just being honest is a great way to ruin a relationship. You didn’t ruin anything; he did that himself and didn’t wanna face the consequences." - nrhsd
"Not only did he lie to his fiancée, but he skipped their anniversary dinner to attend a ball game. It wasn't just the lie itself, but the reason behind the lie."
"Skipping such an important event to attend a sports game and then lying about it is definitely a relationship-ender to a lot of people."
"Plus, trust is very fragile, and once broken, it's very difficult to fix. Fiancée may feel that she can no longer trust the brother, and I don't blame her one bit." - ULF_Brett
"Not only did he go to the ball game instead of the anniversary, but he was the one that INITIATED the ball-game-going..."
"It would have been bad enough if OP had invited him to it, and instead of saying, 'Sorry, can't, anniversary dinner, he went, 'Sure, I'd love to, let me just call my fiancée quickly and tell her I have to work.'"
"But instead, he DELIBERATELY PLANNED something else for that day, including planning to lie to her to go do what he wants to. The amount of premeditation here is staggering." - Future-Crazy-CatLady
"NTA. It sounds like there’s a lot more going on in the background. If your brother can’t or won’t have a real conversation with his fiancée, that’s a prickle, and they shouldn’t be married yet." - RunnerGirlIT
The subReddit could not believe that the OP's parents sided with their brother instead of the OP about telling the truth to their future sister-in-law. She deserved to know the truth, and if that information was enough for the relationship to end, then so be it.
There were countless ways that they could have had an anniversary dinner and the baseball game that involved just a little tweaking of plans, and it would have kept the truth intact. The fact that the brother preferred lying out of convenience spoke volumes.
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