It's always exciting when a close friend or family member gets engaged.
Sometimes making it hard not to wonder if we might be part of the special day as well by being in their wedding party.
It's hard not to feel slighted when that doesn't come to fruition.
It hurts even more when it feels like this friend or family member doesn't even seem to want you at the wedding at all.
The sister of Redditor TellStrange6712 was soon to be married.
While the original poster (OP) was excited for her sister's wedding, she was more than a little surprised by her involvement in it, or lack thereof.
Making the OP even more surprised was the discovery that the mother of the groom was responsible for this.
Resulting in the OP taking a somewhat early departure.
Seeing how hurt her sister was, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not staying at a reception after the grooms mom had me banished to the back of the room?"
The OP explained why she made an early departure from her sister's wedding:
"So I need the internet to settle this because my entire family is split down the middle over what happened at my sisters wedding last month."
"Some context my sister let's call her jen has been with her husband, let's call him Tyler, for six years."
"I introduced them i was literally the reason they met at a party i threw so you would think i would have a special place at this wedding right?"
"Wrong."
"Jen calls me three weeks before the wedding and says hey we are doing assigned seating and 'I want you to know you are at table nine'."
"I said 'okay cool, where is table nine?'"
"And she goes 'its near the back'."
"i said 'near the back like how near?'"
"And she sent me the seating chart was behind the photographers table."
"Not a bridesmaid, not at the family table, not even in the middle somewhere."
"I was seated behind the people who were getting paid to be there."
"So i called her and asked what was going on and she said that Tyler has a big family and they needed the front tables.
"I said 'Jen, I introduced you two'."
"She said I know, but its complicated'."
"Turns out tylers mom, let's call her Linda had a problem with me from years ago."
"I once told tyler at a barbecue that he needed to step up when Jen was going through a really hard time and Linda overheard and never forgot it."
"So Linda basically got me banished to table nine behind the camera crew."
"I showed up to the wedding sat at my table smiled took my photos and left right after dinner."
"I did not go to the reception."
"I did not make a scene."
"I just quietly left."
"Jen has not spoken to me in three weeks."
"She says I humiliated her by leaving early and that everyone noticed and asked where i was."
"My mom thinks I should apologize."
"My dad thinks Jen owes me an apology."
"My friends think I should have just sucked it up for one night."
"But here is the thing;"
"I introduced these people."
"I sat behind the photographers and I still showed up and kept my mouth shut all night and leaving quietly after dinner is somehow the thing that caused a problem."
"AITA for leaving a wedding early after being seated behind the camera crew at a wedding I was basically responsible for?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for leaving her sister's wedding early.
Everyone agreed that the OP had no reason to stay at her sister's wedding when her sister clearly prioritized her husband's family over her own, even after the OP stood up for her:
"NTA."
"Not even a little bit."
"I hope your sister enjoys having MIL run her life."- ZookeepergameWise774
"NTA."
"You do not owe ANYONE, especially some toxic family your time or humiliation."
"You were shoved there to humiliate you in front of your family and her in laws, it was to show who was in charge, and let's be clear, your sister AGREED to this, it isn't complicated in the slightest."
"She allowed her wedding day to be used to attack her sister that introduced the groom and bride."
"She is lucky you bothered to turn up for the plastic chicken."
"I have to ask though, why do you care if she speaks to you?"
"Why do you want to speak to her?"
"She isn't on your side, that isn't the actions of a sister."
"That's an enemy with dna... she showed you her true colors, why aren't you believing her?"- bulldzd
"It shouldn't have been up to his mom."
"Idk who paid for the wedding or not but still, the seating for reception shouldn't be up to anyone else but the bride and groom imo ESPECIALLY when its family, not to mention the wedding would've never happened if it wasn't for you."
"NTA."- Special-Earth-7217
"NTA!"
"Your sister is gonna be miserable with that woman running her life."- Striking_Physics1894
"NTA."
"You're well within your rights to feel let down that day."
"You didn't make a scene and left after the main pleasantries were over."- arghhmonsters
"NTA."
"Why is the mother having any say about their wedding?"
"Sounds controlling."- No_Limit_2589
"NTA, however its time to back away from sister."
"If she comes at you wanting an apology or complaining you left remember 'its complicated' is in her own words an acceptable justification."- princessettey
"NTA."
"Just tell your sister you'll be happy to stay for the reception at her next wedding."- Beginning-Ice-1005
"NTA."
"You went, you sat where you were told, you posed for pictures, and then you left."
"You did as you were asked."
"Also, just my opinion, but with a MIL like Linda, I give it 3 years."- PikesPique
"NTA."
"Anyone saying otherwise does not know how wedding seating works."
"Sister should have been placed with the rest of the family at the brides family table."
"Putting her at the very back with last minute invites, friends of friends and staff is disrespectful."
"Now added to this, I would have thought the person who set them up would get better treatment than that."
"Do not apologize."
"The groom and your sister have no backbone."
"I hope she looks forward to her MIL buying into her marriage and her husband doing nothing about it."- Darthkhydaeus
"NTA the MIL is a control freak who has a grudge on you and took it out at the reception."
"It wasn’t her place to demand the bride seat anyone, especially her sister, away."
"Points to you for going as long as you did, that people noticed is good, but your sister not backing you is telling and will get worse over time as MIL now has her hooks in and will never let go."- SpicySweetHotPot
"NTA."
"You did your family duty."
"Mom is TA."
"Dad is right."
"Your sister chose to placate her mother in law."
"If / when you talk with your sister, you might what to point out that her MIL will now expect your sister to cave to the MIL's demands 100% of the time."
"Share time at the holidays?"
"Forget it."
"Do something different for vacations?"
"Nope."
"The MIL owns your sister."
"And her husband will just say, 'it's no big deal, it's better to just agree'..."
"You'll be over this whole thing, but your sister will be under her MIL's thumb until the MIL passes, or your sister gets divorced - whichever first occurs."- Timely_Tune_7607
"NTA."
"I understand why you left, but you missed an opportunity here."
"You should have stayed and sat at your hidden out of the way spot."
"Can you IMAGINE the talk that would have started."
"If you just politely sat and ate, telling anyone who asked that it was the seat your sister assigned you?"
"Why?"
"Oh, you don't want to tell tales, maybe sister will tell them if they asked."
"And pity your sister."
"She started her marriage already giving in to his mother."
"Start as you intend to continue."
"She will probably have no say in much of anything going forward if she can't even say no, my sister will sit with family. If her husband won't stand up and tell his mother no."
"Pity her."
"Seriously."- Shore_line43
It seems the OP's sister doesn't believe in the saying "family first."
Even after the op sprung to her defense, essentially securing her marriage.
The OP's sister had better reflect very carefully how much influence she wants her now mother-in-law to have over her life.
And if it's worth the many bridges she will likely burn if she lets it continue.
