Over many generations, knitting has become a worldwide pastime.
What was once looked at as only… “An older person’s hobby” has exploded in creativity and mass.
Thanks to TikToks, Instagram, and Etsy, knitting can also be a financial boon.
It can also cause strife amongst family members.
Who would’ve thunk it?
Redditor VividEyes13 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for rejecting my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]’s challenge and giving her instructions to learn how to knit?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a knitter and enjoy making all kinds of things, but for the most part, I knit things for my husband or me.”
“I don’t have the heart to buy nice yarn, a pattern, and put hours into making something for someone just to watch it be treated like crap.”
“I have no say over what others do with the things I give them, so I just don’t.”
“My MIL said, ‘I have a challenge for you, IF you’re up to it.’”
“She pointed at a picture on her phone and said that the challenge was for me to make her a Sophie scarf that would match a dress.”
“I asked her, why is she framing it as a challenge when it’s just her asking me to knit something for her?”
“She didn’t have an answer and just said if I’m up to the challenge, I can give it a try.”
“I asked my husband what I should do.”
“He said to just flat out tell her no.”
“But I figured it would be nice to at least meet her halfway.”
“I asked her to send me a picture of the dress and went to my yarn store to get yarn in a color I thought would be good and a pair of needles from my own stash.”
“I got her a ‘learn to knit’ book.”
“The next time I saw her, I gave it all to her and said that here is all the stuff she would need to make her Sophie scarf, except the pattern she’d need to buy herself.”
“She looked at it like what the heck and said in this pitiful voice, ‘Oh, you couldn’t figure it out?”’
“I said nope, I’ve made myself a few. “
“But I thought it would be better for her to learn how to knit, and she would be able to challenge herself.”
“She frowned at it but didn’t say anything else to me and just set the yarn aside.”
“She did, however, go to my husband and tell him that all she had done was give me a challenge, but I hadn’t even tried.”
“He heard her out but told her it was ultimately up to me.”
“I have unfortunately seen her posting on her FB about how she doesn’t get my generation and why we have to make everything so difficult.”
“I thought this would be an interesting question to pose to you all.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“YTA, passive-aggressive much.” ~ Visual-Ad6004
“OP stayed engaged with this topic far longer than necessary and made it more complicated.”
“Simply saying no from the beginning if not interested would have been the easy way to end the conversation and ensure it’s unlikely to come up again.”
“Instead, she made it sound like she was interested in helping and brought up the topic again to ask for photos, etc.”
“The book and supplies were a passive-aggressive way to reject the request/challenge and had the potential to escalate things.”
“It would have been completely fine to turn down the request and just move on, but the way things happened was drawn out and well beyond a simple no.”
“I’m not into the generational conflicts people like to bring up and don’t attribute it to that, but I admit that I also don’t understand OP’s behavior.”
“Except that it’s more likely that I’m in the same generation as OP, and not the MIL.” ~ darklogic85
“I totally agree.”
“OP sounds exhausting.”
“What could have been a ‘Nah, I don’t feel like doing that’ turned into trying to analyze the question with her husband, gathering information from the MIL that caused her to think the scarf was being made, buying supplies, a passive-aggressive suggestion, a pointless conversation between MIL and husband, and MIL still being mad.” ~ CptAgustusMcCrae
“I’m a knitter, and I completely understand not wanting to knit for someone else, and how annoying it can be when someone asks you to make something for them.”
“I have no people with OP not wanting to knit something for her mother-in-law.”
“But at the point when she asked for a picture of the dress, but didn’t say no, it really seems petty and passive-aggressive.”
“It would’ve been different if she were honest about not gift knitting, and offered to help her MIL learn to knit if she was interested.”
“But otherwise, ‘no’ is a full sentence; just act like a grown-up.” ~ Winterwidow89
“ESH. This whole interaction is freaking weird.”
“Your MIL making it into a ‘challenge’ is freaking odd, but it feels fairly obvious to me that she’s insecure about asking you to make her a scarf directly.”
“You and your husband clearly picked up on the fact that this is her way to ask you.”
“Everyone’s got their little quirks or mannerisms when they’re uncomfortable asking for something.”
“As an outsider, it feels like she was just trying to be playful?”
“I have older family members who do this whole ‘song and dance’ instead of just asking for something plainly.”
“You could have just said no, or even asked if she’d like to learn instead.”
“But instead, you buy her the materials and tell her to make it herself.”
“That’s incredibly passive-aggressive.”
“It’s clear that she had no interest in learning how to knit herself.”
“So yeah, you did assist with making this situation weirder when you could have just told her no.” ~ Shiraoka
“Honestly, while you’re NTA overall, your response is annoying.”
“You don’t want to spend time and money to make something that won’t be appreciated, so you spend time and money (admittedly less time) to give her something she won’t appreciate?”
“There is NO way you thought she would appreciate this.”
“This wasn’t about meeting her halfway; this was about you making a ‘f**k you’ gesture because you’re annoyed at her.”
“So YTA for pretending otherwise.” ~ glib_result
“I know a bunch of knitters, and I’ve been told that.”
“I learned about qiviut yarn on a trip to Banff, and I didn’t buy any then, but it was in the back of my head.”
“I asked one of my knitting friends if I could get some if she’d make me a scarf (a very tiny one), and she straight up said she didn’t make things for other people and didn’t know any other knitters that did.”
“I was a little bummed, but I wasn’t going to be pissy about it.”
“A few years later, I bought a qiviut smoke ring made by a native artisan from a place in Anchorage, so it was all good.”
“OP just should have said that she didn’t knit for other people, but that a Sophie scarf is easy to learn, and she’d love to teach MIL, and left it at that.”
“MIL was an a** about the way she made the request, but it sounds like she’s kind of like that anyway, but OP really kind of escalated here.” ~ jenorama_CA
“I’m saying YTA only because you dealt with this in an unnecessarily passive-aggressive way.”
“If this is a frequent thing she does, that would change my verdict, but otherwise just say no.” ~ Professional-Scar628
“YTA. This was so completely unnecessary and passively aggressive.”
“You could have just said no.”
“No is a full sentence.”
“Just say you don’t want to do it.”
“But instead, you got in your car, drove to a store, shopped all around, bought a bunch of stuff, and gave it to your MIL as if it were some kind of gift… when all you had to say was no.”
“You weren’t being nice, so stop pretending.”
“Even if your MIL was also indirect about her request, and even if she is always asking you to do things you don’t want to do, you were the a**hole here.” ~ jennyfromtheeblock
“YTA. She phrased her request in a weird way, but at the end of the day, she was asking you to knit her a scarf.”
“Instead of just saying no, you chose a really passive-aggressive response.” ~ ShillinTheVillain
“YTA and getting weirdly hung up on the word ‘challenge.'”
“That’s just an expression and a way to ask for a favor.”
“It’s weird that you felt affronted by it.”
“Either say no, I don’t have time to knit the scarf, or sure, I’ll knit the scarf.”
“Edited to add, as someone who has recently lost their MIL, I think you should consider knitting the scarf.”
“She’s trying to connect with you, and she won’t be around forever.” ~ pandabrads
“YTA. She was asking for you to make it.”
“Just use your words and say no.”
“What you did was really passive-aggressive and unkind, which is what you were trying for.”
“You did an unkind, passive-aggressive thing, and you know full well YTA because you did it with the intention of being as a**.”
“Which you were.” ~ Perle1234
“I knit, and I love making things for people I care about.”
“Scarves are so low investment compared to a pullover or cardigan.”
“I have a hard time believing your MIL would abuse a scarf to the point of truly upsetting you.”
“How simple it would have been to make her a lovely scarf and present it to her happily, just to do something nice.”
“YTA, and it sounds like you really enjoyed being an AH too.” ~ 17Girl4Life
Your free time is yours, OP.
That is true.
But Reddit is not really with you on this one.
How difficult could it be to have just made the scarf?
Maybe you can explain to her that you felt insulted by how she presented the idea to you.
Perhaps you both can work on it together and mend the issue.