Dad Asks If He's Wrong To Ditch Friend's Wedding On Halloween So He Can Take Young Son Trick-Or-Treating

We're in a perpetually busy and fast-paced world, and sometimes, it might feel like we just can't do it all.

At times, we might literally not be able to do it all, because two events will overlap and compete for our time, demanding that we choose between them, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Fresh_Oil3942 was invited to a wedding that was four hours away for some old college friends that he hadn't seen since his college days, and while he was excited to see them and celebrate their love, he was also a little hesitant, because they organized their wedding to be on Halloween.

Since he was a big fan of Halloween and wanted to raise his young son with the same spirit, the Original Poster (OP) debated skipping the wedding to focus on Halloween festitivites, since the wedding would not include any Halloween elements.

He asked the sub:

"Would I be the a**hole (WIBTA) for not attending a wedding that takes place on Halloween?"

The OP's friend was getting married on Halloween.

"My (35 Male) partner (35 Female) and our child (3 Male) were invited to a wedding that takes place on Halloween."

"The wedding (in the USA) is fancy dress/standard wedding attire (no costumes), and I asked if there would be candy for the little ones (no), which I entirely understand. It's their wedding, their choice."

The OP was much more interested in trick-or-treating with his son.

"However, my son is finally at an age where he sort of gets Halloween, and I was excited to take him trick-or-treating because I look forward to making memories with him, and I don't want to lose out on them."

"I don't think bringing him to a fancy wedding on Halloween would be fun or fair to any of us. He's not going to want to sit through the ceremony, and we're going to have to leave the reception early so that he can sleep."

"I explained to my friends that I wasn't sure if we could make it, and their response was to tell me that it's their wedding, a once-in-a-lifetime event, and that he could 'miss one Halloween' because he 'wouldn't remember it.'"

"Again, I get that he might not remember it, but I would."

The OP debated what to do.

"The wedding is also going to be a four-hour drive from where we live, and the reception will be held at night. Again, they won't be doing anything related to Halloween, so we will miss out on Halloween entirely between the wedding, reception, and travel time back and forth."

"I'm also not sure how I feel about Trunk-or-Treat, if one is even being offered on a day other than Halloween itself. I know my son will just be excited to dress up and get candy, but that's if we can even find an event.

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, yes, I want to support my friends, even though we haven't seen them since college."

"On the other hand, I feel like I'd be doing wrong by my son if we go. I don't want to miss out on creating memories with him. Even if he can't remember this particular Halloween, I'd remember, and I'd be able to show him pictures and tell him stories about it."

"WIBTA if I didn't attend?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some stated that the OP had the same right to skip the wedding as the couple had to host the wedding on Halloween.

"NAH. You get maybe 10 Halloweens with your kids where they’re excited to dress up and enjoy the experience. A wedding is also a centering event for the bride and groom."

"The mistake here was asking about the candy and telling them you may not come because of Halloween. You could’ve simply RSVPd no and if asked said you had other family commitments and send your regrets." - Jenfer1322

"I think you probably get even less than 10 Halloweens with your kids. Yes, their wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event for THEM. So is your child’s first Halloween to YOU."

"You are never wrong to prioritize your child over someone else. You are never wrong to decline an invite that is on a holiday (or for any reason, honestly)."

"If you plan your wedding on a holiday, you can’t get mad when people don’t come." - JustKindaHappenedxx

"NTA. An invitation is not a summons, and they’re free to decline for whatever reason they want, but what’s with all the Hallowedding bashing in this sub? They don’t owe the couple their attendance, and the couple equally doesn’t owe anybody any explanation/justification for the way they chose to hold their special day." - Standard-Traffic-741

"He's three. Do a compromise this year because at this age, he's not spending hours trick-or-treating. If you care about your friends, attend their wedding."

"You could have RSVPed no and made an excuse. But to not go for an hour of ToT is kinda nuts. I love Halloween, and we do a week-long costume extravaganza with my kids. The dressing up is the party they really enjoy."

"Treating everything as transactional is weird if they are good friends." - shabammmmm

"OP's friend is trying to guilt them into coming on a holiday. Can’t expect understanding but not extend it yourself. The friend has every right to set her own wedding date and choose her own theme, but OP also has the right to pass."

"The only thing that’s kind of a**holey is trying to convince OP to change their mind about spending a holiday with family." - targetcowboy

"You get MAYBE 10 halloweens with your kid before they’re too cool to trick or treat with you. Not even, because the first few, they’re unaware/uninterested. So, really you only get like maybe five that they’re truly engaged."

"I understand a wedding is a 'once in a lifetime,' event. However, I prioritize my children’s childhood. It’s so fleeting, and those memories are truly so priceless. If this were a REALLY good friend, I’d go and make it up with various costumed events with kiddo around Halloween time. However, I really can’t fault you for making this choice at all. NTA." - SmutWithClass

Others pointed out that the happy couple was missing the opportunity to have a spooky and fun wedding night.

"Whyyyyy would you get married on Halloween and NOT have a spooky costume and candy wedding?" - NegativeMusician2211

"It seems rude, honestly, to co-opt a holiday and not include it in your theme." - Ok-Cheetah-9125

"So many people are brushing off the fact that 'not everyone likes Halloween' means there are people that DO like and value Halloween. Personally, it’s my favorite holiday. I wouldn’t give up my child’s first Halloween over a distant friend's wedding."

"Nothing wrong with planning an event on a holiday if that’s how it works out for them, but that comes with being understanding that you’re not always going to rank first in other people’s lives, families, or events. OP’s friend is missing that part." - Vegetable-Ad7930

"Why pick that day then if you aren’t a Halloween lover and going all out on that theme?! There are 364 other days they could have chosen!" - Tangerine_74

"The problem is that the couple doesn't understand why a regular wedding on Halloween would stop people from going. They're arguing about it as if their special day should be everyone's special day." - VolatileCornbread

"It’s not lame to have your wedding on Halloween, it’s lame to have a wedding on ANY holiday and not include parts of that holiday in the event. Why is that date even important to you if not?"

"That’s gonna be your anniversary every single year. If you don’t LOVE that holiday, what are you even doing? Just taking it from everyone else for a year for no reason." - FortunaRedux

"I am getting married on Halloween, and we have encouraged people to dress up!! These people are odd."

"I'm imagining fall colors, candy bowls randomly placed throughout the reception hall for a scavenger hunt feel, different colors for all of the bridesmaids, and costumes welcome at LEAST for the kids and teens attending. I think it'd be so cute to see the bride and groom randomly get photo-bombed with a tiny vampire or Glinda or Frankenstein's Monster." - luminous-fabric

"NTA. It's really rude to pick a holiday and then get upset when people have prior plans for the holiday. It's a f**king holiday. And some people REALLY LOVE Halloween and plan for it months in advance." - Blankenhoff

"NAH. In my honest opinion, this is no different from choosing to have a destination wedding. You're doing the wedding you want, but you also have to accept that most of your guest list will be unable to attend."

"One cannot plan your wedding for a major holiday like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and then be shocked and/or hurt when many of your guests are unable to attend, even close friends and family members."

"While it's understandable that certain dates may be intimate and special to the couple themselves, that does not take precedent over the rest of the world wanting to celebrate Christmas Day with their own family, or trick or treat with their own children." - dragonsandvamps

"Given the situational awareness of a couple planning a wedding on Halloween that is not Halloween themed, I highly doubt this will be a 'once in a lifetime' event for them anyway..." - leon_gonfishun

While the OP's son was only three and this likely wouldn't be his son's biggest trick-or-treating experience, it was his very first one, and the subReddit understood why he wanted to protect it, especially since the wedding wasn't for a close friend.

What really upset people was not just that the couple was refusing to recognize that Halloween is an important event every year, meaning that they would miss the wedding, but the fact that the couple wasn't factoring in any tiny details about Halloween into the wedding at all. If you're going to get married that day, you might as well embrace it; more people might even show up!