We can't always see the diamond in the rough for what it is.
But when someone else sees the potential and puts the work in to dig it out and help it shine, it would be better for us to be happy for them instead of jealous, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Bulky-Scale-7830 had played along when she and her husband bought a house, and her stepdaughter wanted to pick the bedroom that would belong to her.
But after a decade of one bedroom acting like a storage room, she decided to do something with it and renovate it into something lovely for herself.
When her stepdaughter was jealous that she'd renovated the room that she had passed up as a child, and even demanded that it be her room instead, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked that her stepdaughter and husband could not be happy for her.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not wanting to give my stepdaughter the room I finished renovating?"
The OP's stepdaughter chose the room that she wanted to grow up in.
"In 2017, my husband and I bought a house."
"Initially, Susan (now 16) was assigned to 'room A.' However, after a week of living there, she started complaining that she could hear every sound from our neighbor, who was partying a lot at the time. She also didn't like that her window faced a forest, and besides the neighbor's house, all she could see was darkness and trees at night."
"We ended up moving her to 'room B.'"
After more than a decade, the OP decided to convert 'Room A' from a storage room to something for her.
"Room A has been empty ever since, turning into a bit of a storage room."
"At the end of last year, I decided to take care of it and, using only my savings."
"I did a huge renovation. I replaced the windows, soundproofed the walls, etc., etc."
"I also bought new furniture, painted the walls, laid a carpet, replaced the lamp, etc., etc."
"Now it looks like a very cozy library, office, and little living room. And I love it."
Susan was very jealous of the transformation of Room A.
"But Susan isn't happy, and as soon as I started renovating, she started demanding that I give her the room back."
"Suddenly, she started claiming that her own room was too small (it's bigger than mine and my husband's, and the same size as our other two children)."
"She said she hated that all she could see through her bedroom window was a brick wall instead of the forest."
"She also said that it wasn't fair that I'd taken a room 'for myself' that had its own walk-in closet and so on."
The OP wanted to stand up for herself and keep the room.
"My husband is on her side, but I think it's unfair."
"My husband has two rooms in the basement to himself, one he converted into a gym and the other into a work office."
"Our children (7 Female, 12 Male, and Susan, 16 Female) have larger rooms than our bedroom, and much of the garden and main living room are converted for their needs. I don't have a space of my own that isn't also for them."
"Furthermore, neither my husband nor Susan's mother paid a penny for the entire renovation. I did everything myself."
"So I told my husband that if he cared so much, he should give Susan one of his rooms, but neither he nor Susan liked the idea, and now they're both mad at me."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some immediately called Susan out for only wanting the room after it had been renovated.
"This is giving toddler vibes from an almost grown young lady... so you're telling me she DID ABSOLUTELY NOT want that room until YOU were going to use it. I hate to bring it into conversation, but y'all the adults, and they the kids!"
"Everything you guys do is literally for them. So it sounds like she can most definitely get over it, so can dad! Way to speak when you have to escape rooms for yourself, but your wife can't have a foot? But letting the KID take the mile? Weird." - nasta96
"It’s not like Susan doesn’t have a room, is sleeping on the living room couch, and OP took the spare room for herself instead of giving Susan a room."
"Susan has a room, the room SHE chose, the one she demanded instead of Room A. It’s time for a number of people in that house to grow up and stop playing at 'yours is nicer than mine, give it to me!'" - BecGeoMom
"He has two rooms, and you have one. Tell him that his daughter previously complained about your room, and now that it has been redecorated, she wants it. Tell him point-blank that you will not give up your one room while he hogs two rooms."
"He can give up one of his rooms for HIS daughter and move his crap from one of his rooms to the room she will be vacating." - content_great_gramma
"Hubby and Susan both watched OP remodel that room. She soundproofed the walls, which was not a weekend project."
"They knew exactly what she was doing and, I suspect, who was paying for it."
:When she was done, all the hard work, physical labor, and money spent, suddenly they both decided that it should be Susan’s room."
"I suspect this happens to OP a lot in that marriage, which is why they expect her to capitulate. I hope she doesn’t." - Scenarioing
"Susan thinks it 'isn't fair' that you took a room for yourself in a house that you own? That's pretty bratty behavior, even for a 16-year-old. What's even worse, though, is that your husband isn't on your side."
"Why does he think Susan is entitled to the room that you put so much work into to make your space, despite the fact that she already has what sounds like a perfectly acceptable space of her own?"
"That's the biggest issue I see here, in addition to what sounds like his not standing up to his daughter in the face of her unreasonable demands as a parent should." - ww_adh77
Others also pointed out that it was time for the OP to have a space of her own after nine years of waiting.
"This is really concerning. Sounds like OP is just used to putting her own needs far, far behind everyone else's if she thinks she might be OR just for wanting a little space to herself." - HoldFastO2
"The room has been unused for nine years. At any time, Susan could have asked whether it could be renovated for her use. And husband/Susan's Dad absolutely could have done it over the past nine years, since he had no problem making two rooms for himself."
"I assume this wasn't a "surprise" where one day everyone came home, and the room was completely transformed. They waited until they saw the finished product and then demanded it for themselves. Like the story 'The Little Red Hen,' where the Hen says she's going to make bread and asks everyone for help, and they all say, 'No,' but then when the bread is hot from the oven, all of a sudden, they all show up wanting a slice."
"However, teens are weird, and it sounds like you have skills. Maybe offer to help her renovate her room or give her a small budget (if your finances are shared or have husband give her money) to update her space." - Roanaward-2022
"I think the bigger concern is...why does nobody seem to care that you're taking up as little space as possible, finally taking a room for yourself, and now being asked for more?"
"NOR, but I would consider this for your own mental health: why isn't your husband sticking up for you when you sunk your own money and time into this room (that she abandoned, mind you), and now you suddenly have to give it back now that it's nicer?"
"Is he going to pay you back? Is he going to give you one of his rooms?"
"Why don't you get a space to yourself?" - NegotiationLanky436
"NTA. Because when you're successfully married, there is no 'yours,' 'mine,' and 'ours'... at least not verbally. It becomes 'ours,' unless they have a prenup. When OP chose to put her money into their home, it increased their net value."
"But OP is NTA, and she is entitled to keeping her room. She didn't design it for the teenager. She put her efforts, creativity, time, and energy into making herself a woman cave."
"Stepdaughter has already made her choice. Just because she thinks she's entitled to cherry-pick her room doesn't mean she gets it. If the teenager and darling husband want to renovate the teenager's bedroom, they are welcome to do so." - Tight_Steak_232
"We home-schooled, and now that my youngest is done with it, I am slowly turning the room we used (what would have been the separate living room) into 'my' room that will be a combination office, library, and craft room."
"They prefer to game in their rooms so they can chat with friends, and I was more than happy to let them. Their posters came down, and my paintings went up. Tomorrow I'm disassembling one of the desks so I can eventually move a big chair into the space, and put up a stand for my LEGO Botanticals sets."
"They are happy for me because they realise I'm the only one who doesn't have any space to myself. I'd prefer it if there was a way to block it off a bit more - no doors, just a big double opening - but I'll take what I can get." - popchex
Some took a more petty approach and urged the OP to tell her husband to help her stepdaughter renovate her room, since she clearly wanted something new.
"Give the stepdaughter a dollar and tell her to go buy some creativity."
"I would have so much fun with that window facing a brick wall! I would not put curtains on that window; instead, I would put a frame around the window and then find kitschy, weird artwork to hang on both sides of the window. Have my own little crazy museum wall."
"But I'm weird like that." - simplyirresponsible
"NOR. OP needs to tell her husband that the stepdaughter was given the first choice of room A or B. She chose Room B."
"You took the lesser room. Your husband needs to stand up for you."
"If he won't, present him with the bill for the remodel and the estimated cost for upgrading room B. Tell him and your stepdaughter that when your husband writes you a check to cover the cost, you will take room B. That makes her father the bad guy." - Interesting-Long-534
"NOR. Both Susan and your husband can have a fun time renovating a room for her with their money and sweat." - m00n_p1ll0t
"I mean, I'm a contrarian a**hole, so I would give the room back... After I removed every single upgrade that was done to it, and moved them to Susan's (now mine!) current room."
"Shelving? Gone. Screw patching the attachment holes, either. Curtains, furniture, and light fixtures, all move with me."
"H**l, I'd take a weekend just to steam the new wallpaper off and paint the walls exactly how they used to be."
"Enjoy your old room, Susan, it's just like you left it." - MLockeTM
"The way I would fully factory reset this room, even if it meant hiring someone to do it."
"I have never been so angry on behalf of a complete stranger in my entire life."
"Seriously, if OP is forced to back down, she should remove everything from that room that isn’t red hot or nailed down and put it into a storage unit. (It will come in handy for after the divorce.)" - 1Kflowers
As much as it might make sense that a teen girl would want a beautiful, newly renovated room, it was totally her choice to pick the room she did and look at it while the OP did something with the space more than a decade later.
This had become a passion project for the OP and something that only she had spent money and time on, and if Susan wanted something like that, she could learn a thing or two about saving money and putting in the physical effort.
