Parent Calls Out Sister-In-Law For Not Checking To Make Sure It Was Safe For Daughter With Allergy To Eat Meal

Creating a party or a dinner menu that adheres to many allergies is not easy.

So many people have so many food allergies.

It can feel impossible to plan a dinner.

But when it all goes well, does the planner deserve a medal?

Redditor Martyr_Stranded wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

""AITA for calling out my SIL?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I've been married for a long time, and my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] and her kids have gluten allergies."

"At every party or family event we host, we go out of our way to accommodate and even cook and buy separate food to make sure they are OK."

"I now have a daughter with an egg allergy, and at a recent family event on my wife's birthday they cooked (family vacation) and I asked if the mac and cheese they prepared was made with egg free pasta and cracker crust (to be sure it was ok for her to eat), and my SIL responded in a huff saying 'I don't know, maybe you can figure it out. Check the box or maybe Google it.'"

"It definitely threw me for a loop, and I was pissed, but I looked it up, and it was OK, so I fed my daughter."

"Yet the whole time I did so, I heard my SIL complaining to everyone that I asked about it and swore she told me she made a special batch for our daughter (which she did not, as it was all the same G[luten] F[ree] pasta)."

"After my daughter was done eating, she was still talking about it, so I asked why she was the one so upset about it."

"After saying she couldn't hear me (twice), I had to, in a louder voice, restate the initial exchange that irritated me and said, 'Why are you still talking about this? We don't need all this drama."'

"And then I dropped it."

"I was still upset since we are so inclusive of their GF crowd, and it bothered me that they either didn't consider my daughter's allergy or didn't care(?)."

"But I also wasn't looking for a big fight on my wife's birthday. Somehow my wife is upset with how I handled it, and I have no idea if the rest of the family understands how it went down."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA here for my part?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Her
• INFO - More Information Needed

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.

"NTA, but your SIL sure is." ~ anaisaknits

"NTA. I’m less familiar with gluten allergies, but when my son was allergic to eggs (he grew out of it), we had to carry an EpiPen at all times in case he went into anaphylactic shock."

"Serious business."

"Definitely worth double-checking about!"

"That being said, I never assumed anything was safe for him."

"When it was, I showed appreciation."

"But if it wasn’t, he just didn’t have any."

"There might have been a tone issue with the question?"

"I appreciate how frustrating that would be based on the prior circumstances."

"But when it comes to allergies, I always had a plan and a backup rather than assume others would be able to accommodate our needs." ~ Classic-Necessary858

"Reminds me of how my ex-husband and I always used to do all the cooking for his family gatherings."

"Part of his extended family is GF, and we always made sure to account for them."

"One Christmas, they hosted, and we were shown around their very flash kitchen, then shuffled away into the butler's pantry to prepare food and drink for everyone else."

"Someone else had brought cheese and bread, so we plated the cheese and popped the bread in one of the three ovens they had."

"Apparently, it was one of the dedicated GF ovens that we had not been informed about in any way, shape, or form, and the wife of my ex's stepbrother started berating us for trying to kill her kids."

"Like, this is your house."

"This information is not difficult to pass on to the people preparing your meal."

"Likewise, if someone else was preparing my meal and I had an allergy or intolerance, I would expect them to be able to tell me what ingredients they used."

"NTA - some people are just self-absorbed, out of touch, and/or like to create drama." ~ ross_styx

"I'm going with NTA, but that doesn't mean you handled the situation well."

"From your description, it sounds as though everyone who overheard the exchange might have come away with the impression that you were being belligerent about your daughter's dietary needs when, in fact, you were annoyed by your SIL's hypocrisy and callous disregard after you had shown her and her family so much consideration."

"If you are going to bother being visibly annoyed, you might as well be clear about why you are annoyed."

"When you said, 'Why are you still talking about this? We don't need all this drama."

"You undoubtedly gave off all of the hostility of your irritation without bothering to be clear about the reason for it."

"So still NTA, but you courted all of the blowback with none of the benefits." ~ Savings_Piglet5111

"Tell SIL great after all the years off, separately cooking for your kids."

"Has a miracle happened?"

"You did not separate food for my child, yet I go all out for yours at great expense."

"So now, truth out, SIL, your selfish cow, and I'm done with your nonsense."

"And I hope others hear this as well, so you don't have to cater for your family now." ~ Personal-Piglet1397

"Listen, I really, really think there may be more to this story."

"I'm envisioning your SIL's side."

"'I told my BIL I was using egg-free pasta, but he kept asking me about it, so I got annoyed and told him to look at the box.'"

"Also, when your SIL said she made a 'special batch' for your daughter, that doesn't necessarily mean she made a SEPARATE batch."

"It can mean that she tweaked her recipe (made a 'special batch' of her recipe) to accommodate your daughter's dietary needs."

"I think maybe you, your wife, and your SIL should sit down to try to work this out."

"Best of luck." ~ Active-Anteater1884

"By 'sister-in-law,' I'm assuming you mean your wife's sister."

"If that's the case, one thing stands out to me: you confronted your Sister-In-Law, but not your wife."

"I can already see a lot of people voting NTA, but I'm going to offer a different perspective."

"At the very least, I think there's important information missing."

"First, it seems odd that you're this upset, yet your wife apparently isn't, even though it's her family. "

"That immediately makes me wonder if there's context we're not getting."

"Second, you say your SIL kept complaining that you 'asked about it.'"

'You also admit you were annoyed after having to look it up yourself."

"That makes me wonder if her issue wasn't that you asked, but how you asked."

"Maybe not."

"There's not enough information to know either way, but it feels like a possibility."

"Third, you mention that your wife is upset with how you handled it, but you completely leave out why."

"She was there."

"She witnessed the interaction firsthand."

"Yet the perspective of the one person who could probably give the most objective account is missing. Instead, we're left with a story where two people are upset with you, but we only hear your version of events."

"The way the post is written also gives me pause."

"The language you use to describe your own actions is fairly soft and vague, while your SIL's behavior gets direct quotes that make her sound unreasonable."

"That doesn't mean you're lying, but it does mean the story is framed in a way that naturally encourages readers to side with you."

"Then there's this line..."

"Somehow my wife is upset with how I handled it..."

"The word 'somehow' is what really catches my attention."

"Are you genuinely confused about why she's upset?"

"Or do you know her reasons but chose not to include them because they wouldn't support your case?"

"I honestly can't tell."

"And if you truly don't know why your wife is upset, why are you asking Reddit before having that conversation with her?"

"I'm not saying you're lying, and I'm not even saying you're the a**hole."

"I'm saying I don't think there's enough information here to confidently conclude that you're not, either." ~ MysticSheep42

"I don't think it is that deep, honestly was probably just a double-checking moment from the OP."

"The SIL did not have to reply the way she did." ~ Alternative_Hour_221

"NTA. Going forward, I would certainly double-check things."

"I wouldn’t trust her at all." ~ PrincessCG

"NTA, but maybe you should have taken her aside. Sounds like you were yelling and making a scene/drama."

"Your irritation was legit." ~ beesidea

"NTA, but your SIL is not unusual and, in the end, not responsible for your kid."

"Anyway, now you know her true attitude." ~ ServelanDarrow

For the most part, Reddit is with you, OP.

You've gone out of your way for your SIL and her kids.

She can repay the favor.

Try not to let it bother you.

Good Luck.