College roommate situations can be stressful.
Finding the perfect match can be seen as a miracle.
Sure, adjustments and compromises will be made.
But sometimes there is just no easy way to make it work.
Redditor PenaltyBoxGremlin wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""AITA for refusing to move after my new roommate told me she’s allergic to dogs?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (21 F[emale]) live in an on-campus apartment with three roommates."
"I’m legally blind and have a guide dog."
"Housing has known about my guide dog for years, and this will be my third year living in these apartments with her."
"Earlier this summer, Housing moved me from one apartment building to another because my old building was being renovated."
"I didn’t ask to move, and I was actually out of state at guide dog training when it happened, so my friends had to pack and move everything I owned."
"I’ve now been living in the new apartment for about two months."
"Everything is unpacked, including my mini fridge, my guide dog’s crate, and all of her supplies."
"I’ve also already learned the new route to campus from this building."
"One of my roommates moved in a few days ago."
"I had planned to go back and clean before she arrived, but I got a high fever and couldn’t make it back."
"I emailed her, apologized, explained I was sick, and asked her to leave my belongings where they were until I could return."
"She replied, saying she’s severely allergic to dogs."
"I completely understand that allergies are serious, and I don’t blame her for bringing it up".
"She suggested that I switch apartments with one of her friends in another building."
"The problem is I’d already been moved once this summer, everything was unpacked, and I have a lot to move, including a mini fridge, my guide dog’s crate, and all of her supplies."
"Since I’m visually impaired, I’d also have to learn a completely new route to campus again."
"I also don’t have the people available to help me move a second time."
"I told her I honestly didn’t think Housing would move me again since they’d already relocated me once, but that I’d ask."
"She then emailed Housing saying that she, her friend, and I had all voluntarily agreed to switch room assignments."
"The problem is that I never agreed to move."
"I only said I didn’t think Housing would approve another move for me."
"I contacted both my area coordinator and Housing to explain that I had not agreed to move and wasn’t comfortable moving again after already being relocated this summer."
"Housing later told me that I do not have to move and that, because my guide dog accommodation was already on file, it would be up to my roommate to request a room reassignment if she wanted one."
"I’m currently waiting for Housing to let me know when everything is resolved before I return to my apartment."
"I feel bad because I know severe allergies are a legitimate issue, and I don’t think my roommate is wrong for needing accommodations."
"At the same time, I don’t think it’s fair that I was expected to move a second time after already being relocated, unpacking everything, and getting settled."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITA for refusing to move?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA. She lied, saying that you agreed to move, and that immediately makes her an AH."
"You did not agree to any such thing."
"Allergies suck, but you guys simply aren't going to be compatible roommates."
"Your dog is necessary medical equipment." ~ thechaoticstorm
"I would think most housing applications would ask if someone is okay with living with animals before assigning apartments."
"Also, lowkey, it sounds like the roommate just wants her friend to move in." ~ Frequent_Loner
"I also think she's lying so she can room with her friend too."
"I have a severe dog allergy, and I wouldn't even be able to bring my things into this apartment."
"And I could have believed that the housing screwed up and didn't take her allergies seriously, or even just flat out didn't care, since those are legitimate issues people with allergies deal with."
"But the way she handled it does not add up." ~ ghettoas*bi*ch
"Agreed. I am going to jump into these comments to share a warning."
"I once had a similar situation."
"A roommate who I barely knew said he was 'allergic.'"
"The homeowner knew I had a dog and was approved."
"It was supposed to be a temporary rental."
"I had just traveled 3000 miles to live in Alaska."
"After I came home from my first day of work, my new roommate went into the area where my dog was, took him outside, and left him there."
"He claimed he 'ran off.'"
"It was a hound dog."
"He would slowly follow his nose following a trail, but would never run off."
"So I knew the story was bullsh*t."
"Point is OP, be careful."
"Your dog may not be safe." ~ GoodPiexox
"I think NAH."
"OP told a light lie, too."
"She didn't ask to move; she wasn't planning to."
"Yeah, a reasonably socially apt person would have read the reluctance, but one could readily misinterpret this as OP actually being ok with this."
"I didn't quite go to ESH because the lies are all up to interpretation, and it seems like just stupid young adult stuff."
"OP, your roommate isn't going to ask to leave, they like the placement, she doesn't want to move, and she just wants to move with her friend."
"Stop staying away from your new place, so your roommate can take the hint and ask someone else to swap to get her friend moved in, or she can get a head start on moving out herself." ~ Typical-Secret-3319
"I think it’s a leap to say the new roommate lied; it seems more like a misunderstanding."
"Instead of just telling the new roommate no, OP told the new roommate that she didn’t think housing would approve it, but that she would ask."
"I can see how the new roommate would’ve taken that as OP’s agreement."
"I agree that OP is not TA, but it’s possible that the new roommate also is not TA - at least not for what she told housing. "
"The new roommate may be TA for asking OP to move at all instead of just moving herself, especially since she hadn’t even moved in yet." ~ sra19
"If her allergy is that bad, I would think she'd have mentioned it to housing prior to moving in, given the prevalence of ESAs (most of which are BS)."
"I'm guessing she and her friend were denied housing together, and now she's trying to get her way by being 'allergic.'"
"Stand your ground on staying where you are." ~ Boo-Boo97
"No, you’re definitely not the as*hole, and you should not be the one to move."
"If I may make a suggestion, I would suggest that you are more clear in your communication in the future."
"I can understand why the roommate misunderstood your response."
"She asked if you would be willing to move, and you responded that you didn’t think housing would let you do it."
"That left her with the impression that yes, you would be willing to, you just didn’t think housing would let you."
"So then she responded by talking to housing to see if they would indeed let you."
"I’m a strong believer in clear communication."
"So, in the future, I would suggest that you be more upfront and let her know that you were not willing to move." ~ JustAuggie
"This is a valid point."
"OP is still NTA, but also wasn’t super clear."
"If they could get you to move, then you and her friend could swap, but if she asks housing for a new assignment, then chances of her getting to room with her friend are slim to none."
"So I think she was holding onto the little piece of uncertainty there." ~ blackberryDahlia
"NTA, it is easier for her to move than you."
"However, you shouldn't have tried to push into housing."
"You should have just told her straight up that you just moved and are not willing to move again."
"She can move in with her friend." ~ SeaworthinessDue8650
"So bizarre!"
"Why doesn't the new roommate want to live with her friend in the other building?"
"Why on Earth would she send someone she's never met, instead, in what should be her place?"
"At the root of all this, there are NAHs - you need your service dog to navigate campus, and she needs a home free of pet hair. No issues there."
"The Machiavellian twists of trying to move YOU, though, is where the new roommate becomes an AH - and she lied (or was it wishful thinking raised exponentially?) to try to get you booted." ~ 2dogslife
"NAH, moving is more complicated for you than it is for her. If you would want to blame anyone for the situation, it's admin; it's easier for her to move than it is for you." ~ GilmanTiese
OP came back with some info...
"I was told to add this to the post from one of the comments, and it might make things a little bit clearer."
"Just so you guys know, we do have a question on our housing application that allows better matches, and it asks if you would be willing and/or comfortable to live with a service animal."
"It is housing‘s job to read those applications, so something like this doesn’t happen."
Reddit is with you, OP, and concerned.
This sounds like Housing is at fault, so Housing needs to fix it.
You both have legitimate concerns.
You have every right not to want to move, though.
