Kids can be really adorable.
They are often inquisitive, funny, and full of energy
They can also be terror on wheels.
A lot of children sometimes lack the understanding of proper behavior in other people’s homes.
In that case, parents should keep an ever-vigilant eye on them, right?
Not always.
If not, it can cause a whole lot of drama.
Case in point…
Redditor Unlikely-Canary2408 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my B[rother] I[n] L[aw] I wouldn’t invite his kids over anytime soon?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (26 F[emale]) and I (27 F[emale]) moved to a new house.”
“We thought we’d throw a dinner party and invite both sides of our families.”
“We used to live in a different state for five years, and now is our opportunity to catch up with our loved ones.”
“My BIL has two kids (Daniel – 5 M[ale] and Rosie 3 F).”
“These kids were absolutely horrible during the entire dinner, and their parents did not say a single word or even try to control them.”
“Just to name a few examples…”
“They moved pillows from sofas and chairs, spilled drinks and food on different surfaces, threw an orange on my Persian carpet, sat on it, made it explode and spread the orange on the carpet with their hands, broke two glasses, and overall ran around, shouting and screaming.”
“I was the youngest in the family, and I didn’t see kids much in my entire life.”
“But this was horrifying to me, and I was so pissed at my BIL and his wife for just watching their kids do these things and not saying anything.”
“I told my wife to talk to her brother.”
“She was as pissed as I was.”
“However, she said she already talked to him, but he said they were just kids, and that’s how kids grow up.”
“He also said he wanted them to have a strong sense of self-confidence.”
“While we were all saying goodbye, BIL told his kids now that your aunties live nearby, we’ll come to visit often.”
“I said no, I don’t think that’s going to happen very soon.”
“BIL was confused and asked why.”
“I said because we actually love the peace and comfort in our home, and these guys are a little cute tsunami.”
“This made both BIL and his wife angry.”
“He called me an entitled brat and told my wife she was a horrible host.”
“My friends think I was too rough.”
“So I thought I’d ask.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA.”
“These guys are a little cute tsunami.”
“That is hands down the nicest way of saying ‘Your kids are a handful, and I don’t want them in my house’ that I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m stealing that.” ~ CrystalQueen3000
“Right. That was a nice way to put it, and I will keep that in my back pocket for the future.” ~ UhaRugger1
“Me too! NTA BIL and wife are the a**holes!”
“You don’t go to someone else’s house and let the Tasmanian Devil’s loose and then chalk it up to kids will be kids; they’ll grow out of it!”
“No, they wouldn’t if their parents don’t teach them boundaries and respect for other people’s belongings.” ~ Apart_Foundation1702
“NTA! Kids need to be taught self-control and what is appropriate.”
“And when BIL and his wife are setting them up for a rough time with any potential friends in the future because friends’ parents aren’t going to want to have kids who haven’t been taught how to behave in their homes.”
“And possibly teaching their kids to run wild.”
“This wasn’t just kids playing. This was kids being destructive.” ~ thaliagorgon
“My youngest has a friend like that.”
“He keeps asking my son when he can come back over to play, I have told my son that he can’t.”
“We can meet at a playground, but until he learns how to behave, he isn’t allowed at our house.”
“The boy will be 10!”
“It stops being a cute little tsunami by school age.” ~ One-Basket-9570
“This is exactly it.”
“Although I got better behavior out of some of my son’s friends than their own parents did because I was quick to redirect behavior I didn’t like and was very no-nonsense about it.”
“Of course, it probably helped that my son was all ‘DON’T MAKE HER ANGRY MY MOTHER IS TERRIFYING’ with the air of someone begging a friend not to go to their certain doom.”
“Which was 100% a product of his love of drama and precocious acting skills, but it caused bratty ten-year-olds to treat me with wary respect, so I went with it.” ~ SaraAmis
“If these kids are essentially steamrolling over the ADULTS, there’s no way they aren’t also doing the same or worse to other children.”
“And I remember both when I was in elementary school and when my daughter was (I was the ‘classroom mom’ for her class in both kindergarten and first grade) the kids who weren’t taught boundaries.”
“The meaning of ‘NO,’ and respect for others and their belongings by their parents were the kids that no one else wanted to play with and would actively avoid even when forced by the adults to include them.”
“That kind of rejection absolutely destroys a child’s developing self-confidence and leaves lasting emotional scars.”
“And because they’re children and also most likely haven’t been taught the correlation between cause and effect (i.e. if you scream at your friends and break their things, they won’t like you anymore), they usually end up compensating by acting out even more to try to get attention from their peers.”
“And it creates a pattern of behavior that’s really hard to break once they’ve reached school age.” ~ reviving_ophelia88
“NTA- that is incredibly disrespectful to you and your wife.”
“Not to mention teaching kids to be inconsiderate. I would tell them that they were invited when they are taught manners.”
“My parents would be horrified if I were to go to someone’s house and destroy their property.” ~ lilohihi
“As a Dad myself, if these were my nephews, I would have gently removed the orange from the carpeted area.”
“If the kids threw a fit, that would be the parent’s job to deal with.”
“No way in hell would I let kids destroy property for politeness’ sake.”
“The rest of the behavior, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“But I likely wouldn’t want them back in the house even though I would still want a relationship with my nephews.”
“I’d probably recommend we do activities not at my house in the future.”
NTA. Maybe a little more bold than I would be, but doesn’t come close to a-hole territory.” ~ BungieDidntDoIt
“NTA. Tell your in-laws that they better get accustomed to comments like that because their lack of parenting will attract more of them (frequently) from others.”
“I hope they like being lonely because no one is going to invite them over if they don’t parent their children.”
“Also, they will learn fast that kids who have never received constructive criticism will be filled with anxiety as they navigate the world outside their home.”
“Kids need to learn it’s ok to make mistakes, but they also need to know they have a proper footing in the world.”
“Ask them how confident they think their children will be when they go to school and are constantly being told they are doing things wrong and are ‘bad kids’?” ~ Fickle-Hovercraft207
“NTA… a strong sense of self-confidence = entitlement.”
“Children need boundaries and positive support. Letting them run wild is not good for their academic life or career.” ~ Away-Breadfruit-35
“Yeah. Like, moving around pillows for fun is ok unless it’s a pillow fight or messing with other guests.”
“You can fluff them and put them back, chalking it up to harmless child tornado aftermath.”
“However, food smashed and smeared all over the carpet?”
“Parents are responsible for their kids, including cleaning fees when their kids damage stuff.”
“My two-year-old knows food stays in the kitchen and dining room on the hard floors.”
“Occasionally, I have to herd food-filled fists back away from the carpet when something in the living room is exciting.”
“At age two, a kid knows smashed orange on the floor is ‘messy, need a towel, wipe, ok, pewees-tank-u-wel-come.'”
“My toddler is confident and also self-aware of actions and knows social expectations for what is ok.”
“Our children are observing what we do and listening to, ‘Wait, you need to eat at the table’ and ‘We need to clean up our spills’ and ‘No food on the carpet’ for their whole lives.”
“Yes, in my house, there’s a pink stain by the window.”
“That was my bad for setting something down in the living room within child reach.”
“We did our best to clean up together and finished eating in the dining room.”
“If they let their children demolish someone else’s house, what must their walls, floors, furniture, etc. look like?”
“NTA… and I doubt these responsible parents will take responsibility for the cleaning of OP’s rug in the name of… Child Confidence?” ~ Eveningangel
“NTA! I would be MORTIFIED if my kids did this at my sibling’s place.”
“Calling you a brat, that’s rich coming from BIL.”
“At 3 and 5, they would be capable of basic manners and social graces.”
“My 4-year-old apologizes for spills and cleans up the messes she makes, without asking.”
“If she ran around screaming, all I had to do was stare at her and she’d have gotten the hint to tone down.”
“Your BIL and wife are absolutely doing zero parenting.” ~ deweltanschauung
Well, OP, Reddit is with you on this one.
Your house. Your rules.
Parents can’t expect everyone to be a babysitter or that every place they bring their kids is an honorary playroom.
Maybe when they get older, you can all revisit this conversation calmly.
The holidays may be a bit messy until then.
Good luck.