It's generally agreed that there are some basic rules for hygiene, such as washing your hands after using the bathroom or covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze.
However, no two people have the exact same hygiene standards, and some methods might be repulsive to others.
Some people are even horrified by the hygiene, or lack thereof, of their romantic partners.
The wife of Redditor Fantastic_Draft2921 recently called him out for his hygiene practices.
Even going so far as to call the original poster (OP) "gross".
Not willing to take this accusation sitting down, the OP told his wife that not everyone would find her hygienic practices much better.
After his wife brushed his accusations off, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my wife she's not as clean as she thinks she is?"
The OP explained why he felt it necessary to clap back at his wife:
"My wife (29 F[emale]) called me (30 M[ale]) 'gross' for only showering every second day."
"She tells me, 'It's really disgusting that you don't shower every day. I always like to stay clean, so I shower every night so that I am not smelly'."
"I ask her if she thinks I smell, and she says no, but then continued to call me 'gross', 'unhygienic', and a 'pig' for not showering all the time as SHE does."
"I felt she was being a little harsh with her words so I fight back and say 'your 'showers' are barely 'showers', they are more of a rinse. You are not really cleaning anything so you're actually not as clean as you claim to be'."
"She understandably got pretty mad at me, but here's where I'm conflicted."
"My wife's everyday 'showers' consist of her standing under the water and letting it roll off her body, no body wash, no shampoo or conditioner, just water, unless she has her one day a week 'everything shower' which consists of all of the above."
"To me, this isn't a proper shower, because nothing is really being cleaned without any soap."
"I explain this to my wife, and she disagrees, so I ask, 'If you were doing dishes and had lots of sauce on the plate. Would rinsing it under the water make it clean, or would scrubbing the dirt with soap make it clean?'"
"She tells me that my example is completely different from having a shower and that I am still dirty."
"I can understand where people may also agree that I am gross for not showering every day, but my showers always consist of a routine of body scrubs, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, scented lotion, sprays, and I am always aware of when I may get a little bit smelly and always act on it immediately."
"I know I don't stink; my wife confirmed this, and honestly most men don't have as much of an extensive routine as I do, and I feel as though a deep clean every second day is better than a 'rinse' every day."
"I'm honestly confused on who's in the right here and would really appreciate some outside advice."
"So Reddit. I am the a**hole for telling my wife she isn't as clean as she says or is she right for telling me I need to shower more?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**Hole for clapping back at his wife.
Some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or his wife, with many even questioning how functional their marriage was:
"ESH."
"You guys both sound really judgemental and juvenile."
"Yeesh."- AnaBanana84
"ESH."
"I’m personally of the opinion that you both should be cleaning more regularly and thoroughly, but I’m not judging for that."
"Your wife is wrong for calling you names, and you’re wrong for playing tit-for-tat."- usefully_useless
"ESH."
"I just know it smells crazy in your house."- throwaway-94552
"All this arguing over people not stinking?"
"ESH."- humbleCountyCA
"ESH."
"But the real problem is y'all can't talk about concerns without being mean to each other."- paintnclouds
"ESH (in this situation, I don't know you and you're probably nice people)."
"Human bodies vary quite a bit on how much and which kind of care they need."
"I do somewhere in between you both."
"Rinse every day with soap for face/body/privates."
"Once a week soap/conditioner for hair, because they'd fall out if I did more."
"OP's wife is an A for being condescending instead of trying to understand first."
"OP's an A for reacting by throwing punches back."
"In my opinion at least."
"Why so hostile, are you stressed about something else?"
"Because if none of you stink... Why even make it a problem."- theijo
While others felt the OP was justified, agreeing that showering every other day is probably more hygienic than his wife's weekly "everything shower" method:
"NTA."
"Every other day is a completely reasonable amount to shower unless you live in a hot or humid areas. and her showers without soap is definitely grosser."- ZelaAmaryills
"NTA."
"An everything shower involves shaving and exfoliating and often other skin and hair treatments."
"Getting wet isn’t getting clean, and not everyone needs to shower every day."
"Some studies say it’s better not to shower daily."- scatteredloops
"NTA."
"I don't think that what you said to your wife was cool, but it also wouldn't have been said if she wasn't regularly engaging in degrading remarks and name-calling."
"She should have stopped the FIRST time you told her you didn't like it, and she should have NEVER resorted to name-calling."
"If this is the only area of contention in your relationship, then get a good therapist and learn how to communicate with each other."
"If, however, this is just an example of how she generally reacts to what amounts to a harmless difference in opinion, save yourself and get out now."- MxDuex
"NTA."
"Unless you're doing hard labor all day for work or live in an area with a hot/humid climate, showering every other day is fine."
"The 'rinse off' shower is fine, if they're taking a proper shower more than once a week, imo."
"Like, during the summer, I take a proper shower in the morning before work, then a rinse-off shower when I get home because I work in an office and only get sweaty on my drive home."
"She's wrong for the way she's speaking to you."
"And I find it very strange that she would even complain about that with such aggressive language if she's saying you don't stink."
"Like, why is she even bringing it up?"- Sufficient-Berry-827
"NTA."
"Yea I shower every other day too (if relevant, I am a woman), and I've read that's good for certain skin types to not strip away the oil and as long as we didn't heavily sweat."- Sodium_Junkie624
"I'm gonna say NTA because you didn't say anything until she made a judgment on you. It's normal not to shower every day if you don't get particularly sweaty or dirty."
"Not using any soap in the shower is just called 'getting wet'."
"When you wash your hands and you just use water, you didn't wash them - you just got your hands wet."
"The surfactants are what remove the microbes and debris."- mashapicchu
"NTA."
"Every other day is fine."
"Big Shower invented showing everyday, and now they want twice a day!"
"It's time to draw a line here and say no further!"- JonoPhill
"NTA."
"Rinsing oneself in the shower without soap and shampoo isn't a full-on shower."
"I've heard of some people not always washing their hair every day, but like not using soap every day when they claim to shower every day, that's not really cleaning anything."- SpeedBlitzX
"NTA."
"For showering every other day."
"Unless you live an active lifestyle and/or sweat a bunch, people exaggerate how much you need to shower."
"Now getting in the shower anyway and then NOT cleaning?"
"That's some unhinged and dirty sh*t."- Vox_SFX
"NTA."
"Your wife is gross."
"She uses dish soap, and presumably laundry detergent, but not body wash?"
"Ick."- Shine4Me13
"You shower every other day."
"She showers once a week, but gets wet daily."
"She must smell like a wet dog constantly."
"So, within the context of the question, NTA."
"However, going outside the question, I imagine she smells rank and, if she does, you're an a**hole for not letting her know."-IanDOsmond
The OP's wife needed to hear that, at the end of the day, she's no cleaner than her husband is.
That being said, this whole scenario doesn't paint their marriage in a particularly encouraging light.
True, they say opposites attract, but does someone really want to be married to someone who calls them a "pig"?
