Preparing the holiday feast can be one of the most stressful holiday jobs.
Putting together a menu for more than two people has become a circus.
With so many allergies, and so many preferences, it can be ulcer-inducing.
It all seemed easy when Grandma was doing it.
Trying to make the menu can turn Christmas into a nightmare.
That’s why so many people order in now.
But there will always be unhappy diners.
Case in point…
Redditor Lonely-Breath-8819 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] that I will not accommodate her food allergies and she doesn’t have to come?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Don’t know if I am the a**hole or not for this.”
“Usually my mom will host for Christmas but this year she just can’t keep up.”
“My SIL has been in the family for years and in my opinion she is a food snob.”
“She has multiple allergies, nothing life threatening just unpleasant for her.”
“Since we all understand allergies we make sure to keep everything separate and not cross-contaminate.”
“We don’t want to risk her eating something and instead of getting a rash she needs a hospital visit.”
“Now the reason I think she is a food snob isn’t due to her allergies, it’s nitpicking the dish mom makes each year.”
“I have watched year after year she makes backhanded comments about the food.”
“My mom told me to stay out of I so I did.”
“Two years ago there was a mess up and it caused a reaction.”
“It was a huge deal and last year my mom wanted her to bring her own dish since she was worried she would mess up again.”
“This caused a huge fight between them and she threatened to pull the grandkids away if she couldn’t be a good host and give something she could eat.”
“My mom caved.”
“The dinner came and went and she got backhanded comments about the food.”
“My mom can’t host anymore and none of my brothers were doing it so I stepped up.”
“I gave SIL a call and told her she needs to bring her own meal.”
“I told her I am not experienced handling allergies and I can not guarantee the food will be safe so I will not make her something.”
“I didn’t tell her but the other reason was I don’t want her b**ching about my food.”
“This caused an argument about me being a horrible host.”
“I made it clear I wouldn’t accommodate her and she doesn’t have to come.”
“My brother is pissed but my mom laughed when I told her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“NTA. But I wouldn’t say this is because of her allergies, she threatened your mother with not seeing her grandkids.”
“That’s unacceptable. SIL is not normal.”
“Usually at my family gatherings, everyone brings something.”
“I’m the only vegetarian so I make sure I bring that.”
“SIL has no right to threaten your mother with not seeing the kids over this.”
“I think someone needs to talk to your brother.” ~ Dontdoityetok
“I drove 10+ hours from New Jersey to Ohio, and brought the whole meal with me.”
“All I needed was a cooler, some ice, and some well-reinforced wrapped food.”
“It kept just fine, tasted great, and allowed the yeast rolls to have a long, slow rise which honestly turned out fantastic.”
“They were the best rolls I ever made and now I make the dough the two nights before I need it and abandon it to the fridge for a full day of slow rising.”
“Brined turkey breast (raw), Cornbread sausage stuffing with apples and dried cranberries, Mashed potatoes (already made) Gravy (already made) 2 veg we made there, ingredients brought with us.”
“And dough for rolls.”
“And two pies I baked a day before we left.”
“It all traveled just fine. Dinner was excellent.”
“All you need is a cooler and some ice.”
“Everything that needs to be heated up can be heated up the day of the meal.”
“I don’t know why anyone thinks traveling with food is hard if it’s more than an hour away.”
“We’re not in the old pioneer days.”
“Exceptionally efficient coolers exist.”
“They keep things ice cold.”
“The vast majority of dishes can be made a few days to a few weeks before and frozen, or refrigerated and then thawed if needed and heated up.”
“It’s not f**king rocket science.” ~ purrfunctory
“NTA. Has anyone ever confronted her about the backhanded comments she has made about your mom cooking for her and accommodating her allergies?”
“I think this needs to be front and center, to be honest.”
“It needs to be stated once and for all that between the many years of backhanded insulting comments toward the food cooked in the past and the mixup that recently happened, it’s best if she brings her own dish or that a suitable dish can be ordered for her so as not to have to worry about cross-contamination.”
“If it is presented this way to your brother maybe he’d be more understanding of what your mother had to deal with.” ~ mynameisnotsparta
“NTA… and you wrote that ‘mom laughed when I told her’ shows she must be very relieved to be finally free away from your food snob of a SIL.”
“Anyway, you can do your Christmas feast with Mom minus the stress and drama now.”
“Happy Christmas to you!!” ~ Kangaroo-Pack-3727
“My cousin did Thanksgiving this year, mostly by herself, because of her food allergies and intolerances.”
“She wanted to make sure she could eat everything she wanted, so she made 99% of it.”
“If SIL had a problem with the food and wanted to be able to eat everything, she should have offered to host. NTA.” ~ bcece
“NTA. My SIL is vegetarian/pescatarian and we always accommodate her because she not only brings dishes, but is an absolute sweetheart.”
“This isn’t because of her allergies. It’s because of her behavior.”
“I honestly think it would be good to be honest about it.”
“And tell her to bring a dish or two she can eat. If she needs something special then she can just bring it.”
“But I think telling her you didn’t appreciate her comments about your Mom’s food or what she said about the grandkids, and you aren’t willing to go to the effort for her to make nasty comments.” ~ Just_A_Faze
“Dude this all the way!”
“I’m allergic to raw onions, I will get anaphylaxis if I eat any raw onions or juice.”
“#1 I always carry my EpiPen.”
“#2 if I’m going somewhere where I’m not sure of the menu or cross-contamination I’ll bring my own food.”
“As the person with the allergies, the onus is on me to make sure my food is safe to eat.”
“I don’t expect the world to cater to my needs just because of Allergies wah!”
“Tell her to shut up.”
“OP should stick to their rule and let SIL figure it out.” ~ Shortie_Shark
“NTA. Next year let her be the host and then no one has to worry about her allergies.”
“She probably doesn’t want to, it’s too much work, she has kids etc.” ~ mca2021
“NTA… I absolutely believe a host should accommodate guests when they can be accommodated.”
“For example, most hosts can make 1-2 vegan dishes, or something gluten-free (not a gluten-free kitchen, but a safe dish), and I think it is rude when a host is like ‘I’m not accommodating anyone.'”
“However, you are not demanding to host, the rest of your family can’t/don’t want to, and you don’t feel comfortable making safe accommodations.”
“That’s totally fair and it’s okay to make that a condition of your hosting.”
“Your brother could host, with SIL and then all the food could be to her liking and safe for her allergies.”
“And then you add in she is a rude guest, even when accommodated, and you are under no obligation to bend over backward to make her food.” ~ mfruitfly
“This is a reasonable response.”
“It is impossible for most of us to accommodate someone who has celiac disease, for instance.”
“Because cross-contamination is just as bad as the ingredients in the food.”
“I host Christmas dinner every year and have for years because no one else has the space.”
“I make a vegan or vegetarian dish every year for the vegetarians but there’s no way I can deal with the true gluten allergy because there’s just too many things that have gluten in them.”
“Notice, I said true gluten allergy.”
“Fortunately, no one in my family or friends has a peanut or nut allergy, so we don’t have to worry about that, but I would if it was necessary.” ~ Mysterious-Region640
“NTA. This isn’t about the allergies.”
“This is about power.”
“She threatened your mom with access to grandkids.”
“I’ll also point out that she and that brother did not step up to take over cooking.”
“I think you handled this the way she deserved.”
“Shut it down early and put the onus on her. Don’t be her doormat.” ~ KronkLaSworda
“I’m celiac and have food allergies.”
“Anyone with multiple allergies who doesn’t pack their own food is an idiot, and anyone who threatens someone’s relationship with their grandkids over a meal is a deeply unwell person.”
“You are NTA.” ~ unlovelyladybartleby
“NTA… I can understand it being considerate to accommodate allergies but your mom has been doing this for years and gotten nothing but grief.”
“I don’t understand why your brother didn’t stand up for your mom about withholding the grandkids, or about the comments about your mom’s cooking.”
“Honestly I don’t see anything wrong with telling her that her entitlement and criticism are part of the reason.”
“But good job putting her in her place.” ~ ckptry
Well, OP, Reddit agrees with you.
You’re taking the safest route.
You don’t want to cause a health crisis.
It’s her issue, she needs to handle it.
Enjoy your holidays.