While most of us would like to find love in our lifetime, not all relationships are good.
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a while to realize that the relationship we're in isn't a good one, as members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit have said.
Redditor Acrobatic_Product202 had been with her fiancé for a while, and after she got pregnant, she moved in with him, his mother, and his brother.
Though everything was fine at first, the Original Poster (OP) soon found herself at her wit's end, being disrespected and treated like a guest in the home by her mother-in-law, while her fiancé did nothing to improve the situation.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being fed up with my future mother-in-law treating me like a guest in my own home while I'm six months pregnant?"
The OP moved in with her fiancé, future mother-in-law (MIL), and future brother-in-law (BIL) when she got pregnant.
"I’m 20 years old and six months pregnant. My fiancé is a bit older than me."
"Around two or three months into my pregnancy, I moved in with my fiancé, his mom, and his brother."
"The house is under my fiancé’s name, and he promised that my name would eventually be added, as well, because this is supposed to be our family home."
"At first, I genuinely liked living with his family. His mom treated me well, and I thought we had a good relationship."
The longer the OP lived there, the more drained she felt by the dynamic, especially her future MIL.
"However, over time, I’ve started seeing a different side of her, and I’m honestly exhausted."
"My future mother-in-law LOVES drama. She constantly talks about other people’s problems, family issues, and things that happened years ago."
"At first, I brushed it off, but eventually, I got tired of constantly hearing gossip and negativity."
"The first incident that really bothered me happened when his mom started talking about changing things around the house."
"She wanted to redo the upstairs rooms, change the curtains, and make changes to the kitchen. I was confused because I wasn’t being included in any of these conversations, even though I’m supposed to be building a family here with my fiancé."
"I asked, 'Oh, what am I going to do?'"
"My fiancé responded, 'Oh, you can change the bathroom.'"
"THE BATHROOM? His mom gets to decide what happens to practically the entire house, while I’m apparently allowed to make changes to the bathroom."
"That was when I started feeling like I wasn’t actually considered part of this household. It felt like his mom had more say in our future home than I did."
"Another incident happened at a baby shower for one of my fiancé’s cousins. His mom started bringing up his ex-girlfriends and said, and I quote, 'I was getting mentally ready for him to marry a bad woman because he would date bad women.'"
"Excuse me? I gave an awkward laugh and stayed quiet because I wasn’t going to cause a scene at somebody else’s baby shower."
"My fiancé noticed that I had gone quiet and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine, but I was genuinely hurt and wanted to cry. Why would you say something like that in front of your son’s pregnant fiancée? What exactly was I supposed to take from that comment?"
"Later that day, I texted my fiancé and told him how much it hurt me. He spoke to his mom, and instead of taking accountability or simply apologizing, she got defensive and said she never intended to hurt me."
"Then she completely ignored me for three DAYS. No apology. No attempt to talk things out. Just the silent treatment because I expressed that something she said hurt my feelings."
"And to this day, she doesn’t talk to me, and I’m six months pregnant. Only through her son. Apparently, I’m supposed to accept disrespect quietly so she doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable about the things she says."
"And that isn’t even the only issue. Ever since she found out I was pregnant, she’s made comments about my body, including, 'You’re too skinny,' 'You’re getting fat in the face,' and 'You don’t eat properly for the baby.'"
"I’ve struggled to gain weight even before pregnancy, so these comments genuinely hurt. I’m already going through so many physical and emotional changes, and the last thing I need is someone constantly making remarks about my body and whether I’m eating enough for my baby."
"What makes it worse is that my fiancé also makes comments about my weight, but he says he’s joking."
The OP also wasn't comfortable with the space she had in the home.
"Now, let’s talk about the living situation, because THIS is where I’m really losing my patience."
"His mom has the MASTER BEDROOM. It has the biggest space, her own walk-in closet, and a private bathroom."
"Meanwhile, I’m six months pregnant and sharing a hallway bathroom with my fiancé and his brother. I have pregnancy-related items, feminine hygiene products, and personal belongings that I don’t feel comfortable keeping in a bathroom shared with his brother."
"My shoes, shower products, and other personal belongings are STILL in boxes from when I first moved in MONTHS AGO. I don’t feel settled. I don’t feel comfortable. Honestly, I don’t even feel at home."
"I told my fiancé that it was time for us to move into the master bedroom so we could have space for ourselves and the baby. He agreed and said we could move in the following week."
"The following week came. Nothing happened. Then he promised we’d move in two weeks later. Again, nothing happened."
"This has become a constant cycle of promises that never happen, while his mom continues to make excuses about why she can’t move out of the master bedroom. Apparently, it will be too hot for her, she’s suddenly feeling sick, or her leg hurts."
"I understand that people have physical discomforts, but at what point does my situation matter, too? I’m carrying a baby, preparing for childbirth, and trying to make space for a newborn, yet months have passed, and I’m still living out of boxes."
"It feels like her comfort will always come before mine, even when I’m the one preparing to give birth to my fiancé’s child."
"And my fiancé keeps allowing this situation to continue."
Then there was the matter of food and kitchen space.
"The most recent incident was about FOOD. I’m currently unemployed due to health issues, so I’ve started receiving assistance to help pay for food and necessities. I bought groceries and tried to find space in the pantry because, you know, a pregnant girl has to eat! LOL."
"The problem? His mom has practically taken over the ENTIRE pantry with her baking supplies, cake-making equipment, and knives she doesn’t even use."
"I asked my fiancé if I could have one row in the pantry for my groceries or if I could buy a $30 shelf from Amazon with my own money so I could organize my food."
"His response? 'NO, IT’S EXPENSIVE!' He actually YELLED at me over a $30 shelf, that I offered to buy, and just wanted to make sure there'd be a place for it, because he didn’t want to move his mom’s belongings."
"I almost cried. I wasn’t asking for anything extravagant. I was trying to find a simple solution so I could have a designated place for my groceries. Instead, I got yelled at because moving his mom’s stuff was apparently out of the question."
"So his mom gets the master bedroom, the closet, the private bathroom, and practically the entire pantry, while I’m struggling to find a place for my groceries and still have my belongings in boxes."
"At this point, it feels like there is room for everyone in this house EXCEPT ME."
The OP also didn't have a good relationship with her future brother-in-law.
"And let’s not forget his brother. He barely speaks to me, and whenever I’m in the kitchen, and he walks in, he leaves and waits until I’m gone before coming back."
"Sometimes, when I’m downstairs, no one comes into the kitchen until I leave."
"I feel uncomfortable in a house where I’m supposed to be building a future with my fiancé."
"What hurts most is that I initially had no problem living with his family. I tried to get along with everyone. I didn’t demand changes or make a big deal out of things. I wanted to be respectful and have a good relationship with them."
"But now I feel like my future mother-in-law has made it clear that this is HER house, HER space, and HER decisions, and I’m just expected to fit in wherever she allows me to, which is barely anywhere."
"She can make comments about my body, bring up her son’s exes in front of me, get defensive when I tell her she’s hurt me, and then ignore me for days. Meanwhile, I’m expected to keep the peace and pretend everything is fine."
"And my fiancé keeps promising me things will change without actually following through."
The OP wasn't sure what the future held.
"I’m six months pregnant. In approximately three months, we’ll be welcoming a baby into this world."
"I shouldn’t have to beg for basic space, privacy, and consideration while preparing for my child."
"I understand that moving in with family requires compromise, but shouldn’t I be treated like family, too?
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some said that the OP would never be welcome there, because her partner would never support her.
"Hun. He wants you young because you’re easy to control. This will be your life."
"A breeding mare in the basement while everyone else lives their lives upstairs in happiness."
"Move out. It’s not that important to have a husband if you are miserable your whole life."
"You are twenty. The possibilities are endless for you. NOR. Leave." - wolfcrownebox
"NOR, but why the f**k are you having a baby with this man?"
"Is this actually his house? Did you physically see the lease/mortgage?"
'Why does he live with his mother and brother? Why isn't his mom talking to you? Why does his brother avoid you?"
"How long have you been together? HOW OLD IS HE?"
"He has ZERO intention to put your name on this house, if he even has that ability. This is going to be something you look back on and either thank yourself for getting away from or curse yourself for not leaving."
"For what it‘s worth, definitely YOR about what she said about exes. In your recitation, she used the past tense, and I would have taken that positively: she was worried he would end up with a bad woman, but now she doesn’t have to."
"For everything else, YOR for what you're doing to yourself. You have your parents; go to them." - Madgenta
"NOR, You are being treated like a temporary surrogate/brood mare. It sounds like he tells you what he thinks will make you happy and keep you quiet in the moment. But his actions prove you mean nothing to him." - Jackrabbits4ever
"NOR, but this is what life will be like if you stay… You will never be first (or likely second or third) in your fiancés life. When the baby comes, expect to have to hand the baby to his mother and do everything just as she wants."
"Can you go home to your family? Is there anywhere else you can go? Even a women’s shelter?"
"This will not get better." - Outrageous_Rabbit842
"Let’s see, 'a bit older than you,' but you refuse to tell us his age? That tells me he’s at least a decade older than you, which is already problematic. And you’re only 20 and already pregnant by him?"
"Yah, sooo many red flags. Do you know why he went after someone at least 10 years younger than him? Because women his own age won’t put up with his bullshit. He’s a predator."
"You need to pack yourself and move back home as soon as possible, and way before the baby is born. You need to go where you have a support system and friends and family."
"This man is showing all the earmarks of being an abuser. Run while you still can and keep your contact with him to the bare minimum. He will try and love-bomb you."
"DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD HE SAYS."
"He will promise you the earth, the moon, the sun, and stars. And all of it will be bulls**t. He will say whatever he thinks he needs to say to get you to return, and then he will drop the mask again, and then he will most likely become violent with you. His type always does."
"His mother behaves the way she doesn’t because he doesn’t respect you, so she won’t respect you either."
"This is not fixable. Do NOT attend therapy with him. You NEVER attend therapy with your abuser. Because unless your therapist is specifically trained to deal with abusers (and the majority aren’t), they will just be teaching how to be a better abuser and manipulator."
"Run and get a lawyer as soon as possible. Do not let any of these people have access to you, and by extension, your daughter, ever again." - BeautifulChaosEnergy
Others agreed and urged the OP to leave the relationship before her baby was born.
"NOR. You’ve chosen a terrible partner. He has no respect for you, and your name will not be put on that house. You need to make your exit plan."
"This guy is just using you. If you can move back home, I would go. If it’s out of state, you wanna move to do it before you have the baby, because it’ll be harder to get approval after. You’re dating a dirtbag, and I hope you leave." - wishingforarainyday
"Your things are still in boxes. That’s convenient for moving out." - figbash137
"Go for a visit to your family and stay there. Don't come back." - Quiet-Hamster6509
"Truly, OP, please leave this man and his family before you have your baby."
"He is showing you who he is: someone who will not follow through on what he tells you, will not make space for you in his life, will prioritize his mother over you, and will insult you for his own amusement."
"It's an awful way for you to be treated by anyone, but especially by the person who is supposed to love you." - RegisterEither9711
"This is the time for you to change the direction of your life- please leave without them knowing, ask for help from your parents and friends, and start your life again with their help."
"You will never be happy in the family you’re with now. They have zero respect for you and will take over your life and make all decisions for yourself and your little girl."
"Your daughter deserves love and care, and she won’t have a happy life if you stay where you are. It’s important to get out of there before the birth, or you’ll constantly be at their mercy." - Active_Campaign6518
"I don’t even understand why you moved in in the first place. Why would you agree to move into his house without knowing what space you and your future child would occupy in the house?"
"This is not your house. You own no part of it and likely never will. It is his house and his mother. You are a guest living in his home, and you have no legal right to demand anything."
"Since he is putting his Mother’s wants over your needs, this should tell you everything you need to know."
"Get out now while you can. There is no place for you in this house, and there never will be."
"Protect yourself and your child, and if your family will take you in, go immediately. Pack your documents. Everything else can be replaced." - CompetitiveTangelo13
The subReddit was alarmed by the situation the OP found herself in and urged her to exit as soon as possible, since she noted multiple times in the comments that her parents are still in her life.
The best course of action was to move back home while she got on her feet to get her own place, just her and her future daughter. She'd have the support system she wanted and needed, and she'd be able to plan a life on her own terms.
