For all the joys that pregnancy eventually brings, it can also be a stressful, anxiety-inducing experience.
As nothing is guaranteed during those 9 months, any irregular occurrence can be easily misinterpreted as cause for alarm.
With this in mind, most expectant mothers are very particular who they confide in or spend time with during their pregnancies.
As some people only exacerbate their delicate situations.
Redditor Pitiful_Macaroon2142 was expecting her second child.
However, while the original poster (OP) shared the good news with her mother-in-law (MIL), she shared very little else about her pregnancy with her.
Entirely owing to her past experience with her MIL and her first pregnancy.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for withholding pregnancy information from my MIL.”
The OP explained why her MIL wasn’t privy to any conversations regarding her pregnancy:
“I 25 F[emale], am currently 14 weeks pregnant.”
“When we found out about the pregnancy on new year, we shared the news with my MIL.”
“Shortly, we called her, she was on speaker when my husband broke the news.”
“He told her we are pregnant!”
“Great news for us.”
“His step dad didn’t hear what was said and nagged her to share the news (I could hear him over the call) she said ‘she is pregnant again’ with a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction.”
“Later she explained to my husband that she was just worried about him.”
“So now to today and why I am writing this post.”
“I am withholding information about the pregnancy since that phone call.”
“She continuously asks how far along I am, if I will find out the gender and when my due date is.”
“Very harmless and normal questions.”
“But… from my experience with my son (21Months) she was asking in the last month of pregnancy, every week, if I went into labor.”
“Then everyday in the last week leading to the due date, and every day past the due date.”
“She kept insisting she needs to be informed ASAP and it’s very important to her.”
“When she insisted to be in the labor room, I said no.”
“She insisted to be in the hallway, I said no.”
“Then she pulled the card ‘but your mom is going to be there, why can’t I be? I won’t get in the way’.”
“My mom was no where near the hospital when I was in labor, neither did I ever ask or mention her potentially being there.”
“I only wanted my husband by me.”
“My husband told his step dad that I went into labor after I asked to keep it to ourselves, after his mom’s shenanigans.”
“So he broke my trust while I was vulnerable.”
“I was in labor for 32 hours.”
“I could hear her call him every hour, he would constantly leave the room, and leave me alone.”
“He was highly distracted.”
“When he stopped answering her calls she started spamming his phone with texts.”
“And apparently she was bugging my mom for any information about the labor.”
“Currently.”
“I avoid topics of pregnancy.”
“Hide under oversized clothes when I am around her, shoot her down when she brings up any pregnancy related stuff.”
“Act stupid like I never got the due date.”
“And that I am not sure what the gender would be, no point guessing, that I don’t care about the pregnancy and I am busy with work.”
“I feel like I am the a**hole.”
“But I want to have some privacy, and go through labor and have my husband’s attention on me, and I want to have a few days after the labor where I don’t answer calls or expected to send photos or allow people to visit.”
“I don’t think I ask for a lot.”
“I am withholding information from my family too, and my FIL (husband’s biological dad) even though they never wronged me.”
“They don’t pester me to tell them anything, and they respect my decisions.”
“But AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not talking about her pregnancy with her MIL.
Everyone thought that the OP did not need her MIL’s constant nagging during any part of her pregnancy, with many equally shocked by the behavior of her husband:
“NTA but your husband is, and so is his mother.”
“I’d seriously be looking for another person to support you during labour, because he can’t be trusted.”
“Either that or he mutes his mother’s phone number for the duration.”
“Better still, he can leave his phone in your hospital bag so he can’t be distracted like a cat following a laser pen.”- PersimmonBasket
“NTA.”
“But your husband definitely is!”
“I can’t believe he kept taking her calls when you were in labour, I would be furious.”
“This time around, he absolutely needs to be on the same page of not telling his parents when you are in labour.”
“If he breaks your trust again, I would seriously consider divorce.”- Responsible_Pass_482
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“Have you told her that you are not giving her any information because she’s an annoying pest that gives you stress and anxiety, and you refuse to have that during your pregnancy?”
“Time for brutal honesty.”
“If you piss her off enough, she’ll leave you alone.”
“NTA.”- radicalcoach
“Get him to swear on the life of his Xbox or whatever he holds most dear that he’ll not tell anyone and turn his phone off during this labour.”
“Look him dead in the eyes and say that this is seriously important to you and he FAILED you last time you gave birth.”
“NTA for grey rocking the MIL, she proved last time she couldn’t be trusted.”- bluetopaz83
“NTA.”
“But don’t act dumb or beat around the bush; tell her straight out that you’ll share only what you want to share, period.”
“And the more she asks, the less you’ll share.”
“I’d also be having a stern word with your husband because his behavior during your last Labour is not ok.”
“When you go into Labour, ensure your phones are switched off until you’re ready to share your news.”- Lori_D
“NTA.”
“But tell your husband that if he keeps leaving the room like last time to answer his mother’s calls, you’ll have the doctor keep him out of the room.”
“And don’t argue about it if he gives you push back, you don’t have to wait until you’re in labor to let your doctor and nurse know that if they see your husband walk out with his phone more than twice, to not let him back in until the baby is born.”- Deana-Marie
“Your husband needs to turn off his phone when you are in labor!”
“NTA.”- themistycrystal
“NTA!”
“After my pregnancy with my son, my husband had soooooo many people come visit us at the hospital. I get it.”
“He was so excited, and everyone was so happy and excited for us.”
“They brought alcohol,l and some even tried to get me to take shots.”
“It got exhausting and overwhelming really fast.”
“We even had visitors come at nearly midnight!”
“It was insane.”
“So when we had my daughter a few years later, I told my husband beforehand that I didn’t want ANY VISITORS besides our son and parents/family, and NO POSTING photos on social media until we got home.”
“I didn’t want people knowing we had the baby and everyone trying to come visit while I was still recovering in the hospital.”
“You’re entitled to how you want your delivery and recovery to go.”
“If you need to put everyone on an information diet to ensure that, your husband needs to support that.”
“Is he aware of how upset you were with her calling every hour and him constantly leaving the room?”
“Did he promise he won’t be doing that again?”
“I hope he grows a spine and puts his foot down this time.”
“Try not to worry about her.”
“Your focus needs to be on yourself and the little one you’re growing inside of you.”
“Wishing you a stress-free and healthy pregnancy.”- Small-Bodybuilder160
“NTA.”
“You do not owe pregnancy updates or pregnancy-related information to anyone aside from the person responsible for the pregnancy, and even then, they aren’t entitled to every bit of it.”
“If it were me, I probably wouldn’t have told them about this pregnancy until I had to, considering the way she behaved last time.”
“You need to have a chat with your husband about not leaving you multiple times during labor again to answer phone calls from this busybody.”
“Information diet is the right way to go.”- emeraldpeach
An expectant mother always has enough on her mind from the positive pregnancy test right through delivery.
With that in mind, they simply don’t need anyone else’s constant questions or interference.
Especially not from their husbands or mother-in-law.