Having babies is a beautiful time in everyone’s life.
Until it’s not…
There is a ton of compromise and drama involved when bringing a new human into the world
Case in point…
Redditor ChelseaRoberts345 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for what I told my mother In Law when she asked to be in the delivery room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (M[ale] 33) & I (F[emale] 30) are expecting a baby boy.”
“We’re barely catching up with preparation and getting everything ready.”
“His mom (kind of a busy body type, but can be helpful at times) invited us for dinner and said she has an important request to make.”
“She brought her request up at dinner table and blatantly said that she wanted to be in the delivery room with me when I give birth.”
“I was taken back by her request — I really thought it had something to do with the nursery or diaper brand.”
“I said I was sorry but only my mom and my husband will be there.”
“She made a face, got quiet for a while then brought it up again.”
“I just kept pushing saying she is as much of a grandmother as my mom, and that she just wanted to be there for support and get the opportunity to see her grandbaby’s first moments.”
“My husband sided with her.”
“I just stared at her and said ‘it’s alright, you can have the opportunity to be in the delivery room when it’s your son who’s giving birth.'”
“Everyone stopped eating and my mother in law left the table in an instance.”
“My husband had get up, although I wasn’t finish with dinner but he said we should leave.”
“In the car, he lost it on me asking ‘what brain cell’ made me think it was a good idea to tell his mom that.”
“I told him his mom kept pushing after I’d already given her an answer.”
“He still said this was the most f**ked up crap he heard me say.”
“I replied that I was just frustrated and didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and cause issues.”
“He argued that if I don’t want issues then I should stop making s**t difficult and just say yes to his mom’s request.”
“He then ranted about how it’s his son too and then said if his mom isn’t allowed in there then he won’t be there too.”
“Now I don’t know if he really meant this or just said it in the heat of the moment, but it had me fuming.”
“He’s been ignoring me when I try to talk to him, and act like I’m not in the room.”
“I think I might have gone too far and created tension by responding inappropriately.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Actually, what you said makes sense seen as we’re talking about your body here.”
“The reality is that your M[other] I[n] L[aw] just did you a favor here because your husband siding with her is showing issues in your marriage.”
“And the difficulties you’re going to face when it comes to decisions about your pregnancy or your child.”
“I would tell him that if he doesn’t come into the delivery room when I give birth and if he’s not supportive of my decision concerning my body, our marriage will be over.”
“And it shouldn’t bother coming to the hospital at all because he will have to wait until I go back to my parents to meet our son.”
“Go see a lawyer to prepare for a divorce, just in case, and try to get an appointment with a therapist to help you through all of it.” ~ Primary-Criticism929
“This. OP needs prepare herself for the worst outcome.”
“MIL literally ambushed her by making that request in front of everyone and not taking no as an answer.”
“There are a million reasons to why OP just wants her mother and husband in the delivery room.”
“Her husband is behaving like a mama’s boy and probably thinks that throwing a tantrum like ‘if she’s not there I won’t be there as well’ will make OP change her stance.”
“This can become a bigger problem in the future with other parenting decisions at stake.”
“I agree with your advice: OP should seek a lawyer and be prepared.”
“They want to play like kids but someone needs to remind them all no means no and actions require consequences.” ~ RandomlyDi
“His line of thinking is ridiculous.”
“First of all OP’s mum isn’t there as a grandmother.”
“She is there as a Mum to support her child during s difficult and painful process of giving birth.”
“OP’s husband role is to be there to help his wife.”
“Not to be a spectator to a birth of his child.”
“This is not why partners allowed to be present at birth to satisfy their need to be there to see how the baby comes out.”
“MIL is a domineering boundary pushing and insensitive person.”
“The fact that he said that he won’t be there if his mum can’t be there suggests that he doesn’t have a clue about his responsibilities.”
“He has no place in the delivery room with such an attitude.”
“OP is totally NTA.’
“She was pushed to say what she said and she summarised her point perfect and succinctly.”
“If MIL doesn’t understand polite refusal one needs to be blunt.” ~ Virtuellina
“Yes she is just as much a grandma as OP’s mother.”
“Yes it is her husband’s baby too. But they are not pregnant, OP is.”
“They are not giving birth, OP is.”
“Once the baby is on the outside, they are equals, but while the baby is inside or in the process of getting outside it is still OP who makes all the calls.”
“Birth isn’t a spectator sport. If she wants a show she can watch the super bowl.”
“I would have told my partner that if he isn’t careful he’ll be in the waiting room with his mama since he obviously cares more about her feeling than his wife.” ~ Midi58076
“Yeah OP is giving birth.”
“It’s pretty much the most vulnerable she is ever going to be in her life.”
“Her most private parts will literally be on display and she will have limited control over what’s happening.”
“She 100% gets to dictate who is in that room with her.”
“Because it’s not about being there to meet the baby – it’s about being there to support her.”
“It does sound like either her MIL or her husband get that in the slightest – and therefore neither of them should be there.”
“If her MiL had simply shared that she’d like to be there but that ultimately she’d respect OP’s wishes, and OP had been rude to her – then, yes, that would be uncalled for.”
“But this was a case of the MIL not taking no for an answer, and then getting upset when she didn’t manage to bully OP into it.” ~ Positive-Ground3910
“I absolutely agree.
“Any man who picks his mother over his wife in situations like this isn’t ready to be married.”
“Do you want him in the room? NTA.” ~ Proud_World_6241
“This!! Also, OP, make sure there is a password or passcode that all the nurses know about when it comes time to deliver.”
“Only the people who know the code/word are allowed in the room.”
“When I have birth to my first daughter, my ex’s mom asked to be in the room, I told her no, ex sided with her.”
“Guess what? He SNUCK HER INTO THE ROOM as I was pushing. “
“I saw her peak her head out from behind the curtain as my daughter was coming out.”
“I was livid.”
“I worry that your husband will try to pull that crap too.”
“Speak with your nurses and your mom, they will be your biggest advocates for you during this.” ~ Huge-Possibility-249
“NTA – I’m so f**king over MILs demanding to be in the room during labor.”
“’BRENDA I DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE MY VAGINA – NO MEANS NO!!’”
“That should be enough for people.”
“Like it’s not brain surgery to understand someone in labor will most likely only want their nearest and dearest witness them in their most vulnerable moment.” ~ SenseApprehensive944
“NTA. You are the one going through a major medical event and you get to decide who is present. Your comfort is much more important than her feelings.”
“Honestly, your husband is the far bigger concern here. It’s not a good look that he’s putting mommy ahead of his pregnant wife.” ~ talibob
“EDIT: There has been some tension between me, my husband, and his family lately.”
“This probably blew up because of built up resentment.”
There is clearly NO easy way to give birth.
But a stress free environment would be ideal.
OP and hubby have a lot to think about.
Hopefully this birth is as tranquil as possible.