Parents often raise their children to be kind, caring, and honest people.
But are there exceptions to when those basic life tenets should or shouldn’t be applied?
Our Redditor found out the hard way that brutal honesty isn’t always the best thing.
So they visited the Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment after causing family drama.
Historical-Safe-8579 asked:
“AITA for being honest and telling my daughter that her wedding is a running joke of what not to do if you marry in our family/friend group.”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter got married about a year ago. She spent about 20k on her wedding, it was a wonderful experience for her but for all the guests [thought] it really sucked. All the money went to thinks the couple would enjoy.”
“The reasons it sucked for the guest was due to multiple factors.”
“The biggest ones being that guest has to buy food, drinks, and no entertainment. So people get to the wedding and the ceremony happens.”
“Then they go put into another room after a long day of driving out, don’t get any food/ drink. Most of them were forced to buy overpriced food since they were starving.”
It gets even worse.
“They didn’t even get any cake since the cake was a fake.”
“Overall not a good guest experience.”
“Afterwards, it was negatively talked about, and people were actually quite mad about it. My other daughter is getting married and asked for my help.”
“Her sister offered to help and my other daughter made it clear she doesn’t want her wedding to be anything like hers.”
“My daughter asked what she meant by that and I was honest with her. That her wedding wasn’t a good experience for guests and it is a running joke at this point with family/friends.”
The OP continued:
“I thought she already knew since a lot of people hated her wedding.”
“This caused an argument and she called me a jerk by the end. I pointed out all the issues had with her wedding and she thinks I am being cruel.”
“Edit: the money basically went to her dress, venue and photos. I know her dress was 6k. The venue was pricy and she didn’t get the food package.”
“I was not part of the wedding planning; I was having medical issues.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts.
“INFO: how the heck does someone spend 20k on a wedding and not feed anyone?”
“Also, you totally could have been a touch gentler, but also, OMG, I can’t even imagine. A fake cake? Do you hate your guests?” – Annual_Suggestion_87
“Sometimes the big fancy tiered cake is a fake, with a cutout area where they put a real slice of cake, so that the bride and groom can get photos of them ‘cutting the cake.'”
“Then it’s wheeled away, and slices of ordinary sheet cake come out. It’s not fancy cake, but it is cake.”
“But I’m with you. What did they spend all the money on? A $10k dress, the venue, what?” – TheFilthyDIL
“NTA – I ‘m guessing the $20K went to the dress, the photographer and the honeymoon?” – ContributionIcy5832
“I really came in here ready to say Y T A based on the title. This was the first time in a long time I was truly wrong.”
“Making guests pay for their food? No entertainment? THE CAKE WAS A LIE?”
“Yeah, if I were a guest, I’d be mad, too! Actually, it would be a story I’d tell for…probably the rest of my life. That’s a Grade A bad wedding. NTA.” – aoife_too
“Some people are so self-focused that they either can’t or won’t see the situation through other people’s eyes. Your daughter (and her husband) sound like this because it should have been obvious to them that they were creating a very poor experience for their guests.”
“If this had just been your opinion, then I might have thought about you being Y T A, but it seems it is a fairly universal opinion.”
“NTA.”
“Your daughter is now being brought into reality about her wedding. She’ll go kicking and screaming because to admit this reality is to admit that she is to blame for it and should have seen it coming.”
“But people like her need a good ‘wake up call’ and this is hers. Hopefully, this is the ONLY wake-up call she’ll need. However, people like her tend to fight reality tooth and nail.” – pcnauta
“Kinda reminds me of a birthday party I was invited to a couple of years ago. The only food available were these tiny packs of peanuts that you get in the airplane and you had to buy them for 5€.”
“The birthday girl was a flight attendant, and she stole them from the airline. People still joke about that, so NTA.” – Negative-Swordfish-9
“NTA – ya know what, you were being honest. It’s been a year, and it’s fine. She asked, and you answered. Maybe could have left out that it was a running joke…”
“But how in the hell does someone spend $20k but they have no food?” – jrm1102
“This what happens when people get too invested in the ‘it’s your day’; and ‘couple’s day, couple’s way.’ Like it or not, your reception is a party to thank your guests for coming to the wedding and some kind of food and drink is mandatory.”
“If you can’t afford to provide a meal, have an afternoon wedding (2pm) where all you have to provide is some snacks (eg, veggie tray/cheese tray/finger sandwiches/etc.), punch/soda, and cake.”
“Have your wedding when people won’t be expecting substantial food. When you instead choose to spend all your money on your dress and flowers, you are treating your guests like props— not guests.”
“NTA.” – anglerfishtacos
“Spending 20K and not feeding your guests. That sure is a bunch of crap.”
“No you don’t need to pull punches. Everyone’s an adult. They need to hear the real thing whether it hurts their feelings or not.” – anon
“NTA. I would ask her, with all the weddings that she has gone to, has she ever not been fed, given something to drink, or had some form of entertainment?”
“If she says no, then tell her that is what she was missing at hers, and people remember that and will talk about that. Don’t get mad if your event sucks, and people are not afraid to say it.” – LatinMom1971
“Your married daughter appears to possess 0% empathy, logical thinking, and generosity. How do you raise a human like this?!”
“NTA, selfish a**holes must be called out lest their behavior be normalized.” – Pterodactyl_Noises
“NTA if you’re gonna make guests attend all day: feed them, give them drinks, make sure there’s some entertainment. If it’s just quick in and out, then it’s fair to say everyone pays for their meal at a designated restaurant.”
“But there needs to be a plan. Sounds like daughter 1 didn’t have a plan at all and daughter 2 learned from her mistakes because you know what they say about repeating the same mistake but expecting different results..” – KrakenTeefies
“The *wedding* is primarily for the couple, so they can tell MIL etc to pound sand when it comes down to e.g. who should be in the bridal party, photographs etc.”
“The reception is the party for the guests that the wedding couple want to celebrate with them. Not thinking at all about the guests for that part is being a bad host. As you say, you can control costs at the reception by when you have it, how long it goes on for, who’s invited, what’s served etc.”
“Cash bar, fine, Uncle Bob who gets drunk as a fish can pay his own. (though something like wine/champagne/non-al included with meal is usual). No food, no cake, no entertainment? That’s a terrible party and daughter _should_ feel bad for throwing it.” – Arkhanist
“Kinda reminds me of a birthday party I was invited to a couple of years ago. The only food available were these tiny packs of peanuts that you get in the airplane and you had to buy them for 5€.”
“The birthday girl was a flight attendant, and she stole them from the airline. People still joke about that so NTA.” – Negative-Swordfish-9
“This is a wake-up call she badly needed because she is so self-centered.”
“It is time for her to grow up and realise that she is not the most Important person in the world and that she needs to start thinking of other people. The fact she thought she could help organise another wedding suggests she is totally impervious to everyone else.”
“Is she this selfish in other areas of her life?” – Oldsoldierbear
“NTA. She asked! If she didn’t ask, I would not have said anything. I get that the wedding is for the couple, but that is insane.”
“How do you have a wedding for 20k and have no food, no entertainment and no cake. Wild.” – thesummergomez28
Overall, Redditors found that being truthful was better than letting the OP’s daughter perpetually be in denial about what she believed to be a perfect wedding.
The truth hurts, but self-awareness can be a good lesson to teach.