Cheating is an overly common reason for relationships to end, because for most people, it's an immediate deal breaker to find out that their romantic partner isn't faithful to them.
But when a relationship or marriage has lasted for many years, it can be harder to hold those boundaries, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Hot-Expressions had been with her husband for 20 years and thought that she knew him better than anyone, at least until she found a questionable contact in his phone.
When he had no explanation and expected her to just trust him, the Original Poster (OP) was certain she already knew what was going on and had to decide if she needed to stay or move on.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not believing my husband's explanation when I found 'My Lovely' as a contact name in his phone?"
The OP used her husband's phone to check some information.
"I asked my (40s Female) husband (40s Male) to use his phone to see how my WhatsApp status appears since I had to change my phone a few months ago."
"He agreed and handed me the phone."
"We have each other's password, and it's common for us to use each other's phones."
While holding the phone, the OP made an unfortunate discovery.
"I'm 'Lovely' in his phone; that's my contact name. But when I typed 'love,' there were two results. There was me saved as 'Lovely' and another one saved as 'My Lovely' with a kissing emoji after it."
"When I saw this, I just froze and handed him the phone."
"He started saying, 'It's not like that,' and started questioning me why I was looking for that in the phone, and said I've known him for almost 20 years and that his word should be enough proof that contact's name was a mistake."
"He only says it 'must've been some kind of joke' like a coworker or buddy did it or something, but other than me, he doesn't let anyone else use his phone."
The OP wasn't convinced by his explanation.
"Here's the thing: he bought that phone new, he's been the only person who has been using it, he never leaves his phone unattended, and the timer for blocking it is set to a minute or less, and supposedly only me and him know the password."
"I don't see anyone else having enough access to that phone to pull a prank on him, which means he would have had to put someone's phone number into his phone with that contact name."
"So I confronted him about the above and asked who she is. He refuses to accept that the number belongs to someone he knows, and he swears he's always been faithful to me."
"So, am I wrong for thinking he was/still is having an affair and not trusting his word?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that her concerns were valid and that if there was a better explanation, her husband would have shared it.
"NOR. His reaction told you everything you need to know. If it really wasn't like that, he could've just told you what it actually was."
"I have someone in my phone saved as 'Baby Girl.' If someone asks who that is, I say, 'That's my coworker, Kevin, and here's the hilarious story about how he got that nickname.'" - Initial-Big-5524
"I have a coworker who accidentally added extra apostrophes to his sentence on Teams. I started typing his name as S’am after that, and now everyone on the team has been doing it for years, including my boss." - kjtstl
"He refuses to accept that the number belongs to someone he knows, and it's a saved numberrrrrr!!!! On a new phone, that belongs to him." - hitmeup_hitwoman
"If there's really nothing going on, ask him to call the number on speakerphone in front of you, and he will. If he won't, then you know that something nefarious is going on, and you can leave without a second thought." - NSFWGIFMAKER
"Some women are just so slow. Find out and DON'T tell him, find evidence, take him to cleaners, etc. Don't show your cards because all they do is manipulate." - Comet-vomit666
Others made it very clear that they didn't believe her husband's explanation, either.
"Why on earth would you believe him at his word? Just take the phone number and call it, see who Miss Lovey is, and be done with it." - nohobbiesjustbooks
"Literally the easiest way through it is to just call the number and see who picks up. That's it. You can either trust him and forget about this whole thing, or you can decide to find out conclusively what the truth is." - mimi1011122
"NOR. He’s lying out of his a**, and you know it. What else could that possibly be? Also, the fact he has the same nickname for the other woman is gross." - Street-Hunt-8310
"Add the number in CashApp and see if a name comes up. That’s my free technology tip, and one more: download the app Signal, then add the number there and see if it comes up, and look in his phone for that App."
"People that are sneaking use that. Best wishes and quit second-guessing; you know the answers to all of this." - One_Salamander_007
"Did you get the number to contact her? Ring it off his phone. That’s what I’d do. Get him to ring it in front of you before he has time to give her a heads up. Her greeting will tell you all you need to know."
"Also get copies of his phone records. He has to prove he’s not cheating. But you know he is." - MajesticReason7709
"He's obviously cheating. But how stupid is he, though, to name the person you're cheating with in your contacts as 'My Lovely'?"
"Cheating 101, you put your mistress down as 'Bob' or 'work', or 'pizza guy' in your phone."
"He was asking for trouble."
"NOR, by the way." - Dazzling-Picture-704
"If you don’t call it and find out like right now, then he’s going to change it. He’s either going to replace it with some completely random number that doesn’t work, or he’ll replace it with one of his buddies and ask them to lie for him."
"The longer you give him, the better his lie is going to be and the better he’ll be able to cover it up. By tomorrow, he’ll have a solid, foolproof, bulls**t story with friends backing him up."
"It’ll be like, 'He left his phone, and we thought it would be funny to do that… It was just a joke, didn’t mean for it to cause problems… So sorry… blah blah… lies... blah blah…" - Obvious0Rice7317
After receiving feedback, the OP felt validated but hurt.
"Thanks, everyone, for the support."
"For those asking, no, it's not an old number of mine or even from the same company I use. I've had the same number for over ten years."
"He says he doesn't know who the number belongs to and that this must be some kind of a joke, but he never let anyone touch his phone."
"I don't even want to check. If he refuses to acknowledge that he is the one who named the contact, I bet he already changed or deleted the number or alerted the person."
"For me, the worst has already happened. The more he refuses to admit it or give me more details, the more I can confirm it for myself."
Fellow Redditors felt for the OP, with some claiming that they'd still look into it further.
"I'm so sorry. That is extremely suspicious. I'd text the number, pretending to be him, and find out myself. I wonder if the contact is still on his phone or if it's been deleted/hidden/changed." - GinaKJ
"I would call the number and see who answers (you can also try and Google it first, to see who it belongs to, if it is listed anywhere). Ask to see his phone and look for all calls and messages to and from that number. That should settle it."
"And if he refuses to let you see his phone again to see his messages and call history, then there's your answer." - Historical_Poem5154
"You know he’s lying. It’s no joke. Listen to your gut." - Ok_solid692
"Call the number using his phone. Do you have access to the phone bill to see numbers called? Once a cheater has been found out, they will change their habits to hide the evidence. NOR." - Worldly-Promise675
"Did you get the number to contact her? Ring it off his phone. That’s what I’d do."
"Get him to ring it in front of you before he has time to give her a heads up. Her greeting will tell you all you need to know."
"Also get copies of his phone records. He has to prove he’s not cheating. But you know he is." - MajesticReason7709
"I bet his affair partner thought it would be funny because he calls you Lovely." - duchess_of_fire
As hard as it might be for the OP to accept, the subReddit was pretty certain that she already knew what they believed they knew. If this was as simple as a prank or an inside joke with friends, the OP's husband would be able to explain that.
But since he kept dismissing her concerns, could not explain himself, and just deflected her doubts back onto her, there was clearly something more happening that her husband wanted the OP to catch on to.
It would be better for her to either get to the bottom of this, or make peace with never "really" knowing, and then deciding if possible cheating is something she could live with in her marriage.
