Many people dream of their wedding day years before they ever meet their future spouse.
So when this dream becomes a reality, they tend to count the days till they finally walk down the aisle.
Of course, what they don't dream about is all the stress and frustrations that often come with wedding planning.
Sometimes resulting in rather unpleasant discoveries about your soon-to-be spouse, which in truly severe cases, might result in the wedding being cancelled.
The wedding of Redditor No_Emotion6907 was fast approaching.
As is often the case, the original poster (OP) and his fiancée were beginning to stress out about wedding planning.
However, things were escalating between the OP and his fiancée to such a degree, that he was seriously considering calling off the wedding.
Unsure of what to do, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole Here" (WIBTAH)."
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTAH If I (29 M[ale]) double down on what my fiancée (27F[emale]) said today and cancel the wedding, which is this weekend?"
The OP explained why he was seriously considering canceling his wedding, despite it being only days away:
"I am with my fiancée for 4 years, and engaged last year."
"Things started to get worse and worse after that (had huge fights). I always thought it was the stress of marriage preparations, but I am feeling depressed and feel like I'm being emotionally abused by her."
"Today was the last straw for me, but I am not sure if I really should cancel the wedding and if I WIBTAH."
"Today's fight was about how to go to the venue."
"From the hairdresser's directly or from my parents' home."
"She accused me of being a mommy's boy, accused my mom of making me fight her wars?"
"Called my mom an idiot and said she wanted to break up (even after I said I didn't know this was a big issue for her and we can do whatever she wants)."
"Then I said it's a big decision to make just days before the marriage, she was talking hurtfully and I didnt want to talk to her right now."
"We didnt talk for 5-6 hours."
"After I called her, she said she talked with her family about breaking up with me, also talked with a couple of friends, since it took so long for me to call her and apologize."
"I said that she is out of her mind, and I wanted to think whether I really want to go through with this, and wanted time to think about all."
"I don't have much time lol so I want to have others' opinions."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP would probably be doing the right thing by calling off the wedding.
Just about everyone agreed that it seemed like neither the OP nor his fiancée seemed to really want this wedding to happen, and there didn't seem to be any sort of justifiable reason for either of them to go through with this wedding:
"NTA."
"If you go through with it she’ll constantly bring up divorce every time you don’t apologize to her for the awful crap she says to you."-Present-Reflection84
"I wouldn't even consider marrying her, not right now."- Traditional-Ad2319
"NTA, is this your soul mate?"
"Is this the love of your life?"
"Is this the person who makes you feel safe?"
"Gives you peace?"
"Makes your life complete?"- Vivid-Win-4801
"NTA."
"You two have problems that won't magically go away when you say I do."
"And getting a divorce is more costly than postponing a wedding."
"You need couples counseling ASAP."- Objective-Pound2185
"You would be absolutely insane to marry this girl."
"Don’t say you weren’t warned."- Alarmed-Speaker-8330
"Send her a message, 'You said that you want to break up, so I am willing to do that for you. I will start canceling everything tomorrow. I will be out for the day, so you can come and move your stuff out. Canceling the wedding will be cheaper than a divorce in a couple of months'."
"Pack a bag and go stay with a buddy."
"Block her after sending the message."
"Send her family and friends a group message, 'Fiancée has told me that you don't like me and you're encouraging her to break up with me and cancel the wedding. In light of that information, I will have to agree with you and accept her offer. I wish you all the best in navigating this with her. I will start calling and canceling things tomorrow. Goodbye'."
"Then block them all as well."- rocketmn69_
"Cancel the wedding ASAP."
"Marriage would be a prolonged nightmare."- Ngamoko
The OP later returned in the comments section, offering a slightly more detailed account of his and his faincée's relationship:
"For the last year she was as herself mostly, but when we had a fight about anything, it turned into fights about our wedding/preparations, etc."
"She accused me of being a momma's boy at every chance, while she doesn't have even a different idea than her Mother."
"I, of course, don't defend my mom blindly and am able to do things differently than how my mother wants."
"Her family is better off financially, both of her parents are working, and she is the only child."
"I lost my dad years and years ago, and mom was a housewife, and her only income is my dad's retirement pension."
"She knew this. We talked about this."
"We said we didn't want a big wedding didnt want to go into debt, and didnt want to make our parents go into debt."
"However, this turned into a nightmare."
"When we were looking for venues, she always found extremely expensive ones."
"I told her we cant afford it (mans side of the family pays for these traditionally) I can afford it if I go into a debt but she said she didnt want that because after we marry it will become our debt."
"I agreed and told her my mom didnt have the budget."
"She threw a tantrum about what I said, that I have nothing that I can do to make this happen."
"We had the same problems with the furniture."
"We shared the cost of these, but before the engagement we talked that we would marry with whatever we have and then renovate together. This, too, changed, and we completely changed every piece of furniture in her house (that I was going to move after we married)."
"There was an after-party idea that we just said we were going to close a bar for a night and have fun with our friends, which changed into renting a villa and organizing a second wedding."
"These were the 'middle ground' options and were the biggest financial fights we had."
"She blamed my mom for not having more money, blamed my brothers for not pitching in (they are both married and have 2 children each, they barely get by)."
"Also, since we were going to live in her house (rent) and since she works from home and I have a pretty demanding office job, she and her mom were more involved in the renovating part."
"My mom and I were definitely involved."
"I gave my all weekends for these, my mom visited frequently etc."
"But because they were more involved, this gave her the right to tell me that I am lazy, don't care about anything, don't care about her."
"When I do something and she doesn't like it, I become incompetent, I had 1 job and messed it up, etc."
"I also didn't care about new pots and pans, we didnt have to have all before we married."
"We can easily do it in time together."
"She was living in this house, so she did have every house item already."
"For the last 6 months, every time I have something I don't like about anything related to her or our wedding, she just unleashes hell and tells the same insults, threatens me with breaking up, then immediately retracts that, etc."
"Have temper tantrums where she hits herself, screams at my face, doesn't let me leave the house, saying I made her this way."
"I shouted and called her some bad words during these fights too, but no way was she as violent as she was."
"I don't know what else to add."
"Writing these made me question why i didnt cancel it sooner but i love her and she is her normal self most of time but I see that she was her normal self as long as I say yes to everything she says."
Weddings are a symbol of commitment and love.
With this in mind, when there is any doubt about committing to someone, it's probably a wise idea to go through with it.
As it's much easier to cancel a wedding than it is to end a marriage.
