No one wants to be a part of a transactional relationship that’s supposed to be romantic, and no one wants to make their relationship all about money.
But when someone starts lying about money, the relationship cannot help but begin to revolve around it, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Calm_Ad6711 had been actively planning her upcoming wedding, knowing that her future husband was a lawyer and that they’d agreed about who would pay for which aspects of the wedding.
But when it came out that he’d lied about having any savings, effectively putting the entire large wedding budget on her, the Original Poster (OP) knew the relationship had to be over before her partner could lie about something else.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for calling off my wedding after finding out my fiancé never had the money he promised to contribute?”
The OP had been actively and carefully planning a very special wedding day.
“I (33 Female) have been with my partner (32 Male) for five years. He proposed in March 2024, and we agreed to get married in December 2025.”
“He promised to cover 70% of the wedding costs and said he’d transfer money to my account whenever I paid for something.”
“I ended up handling all the planning and bookings.”
“By April this year, I had already paid around 500k (local currency, about $9000 USD). But when I checked, he hadn’t sent me a single cent.”
“I kept reminding him, and he always said, ‘Yes, baby, after work.'”
“I work in an accounting firm with over 40 clients, so I’m insanely busy and didn’t have time to double-check every day. But I trusted him.”
But then the OP realized she wouldn’t be seeing a cent of that money again.
“When we finally sat down to talk about it, I found out he didn’t actually have the money.”
“He planned to ask his parents or use future income, meaning he had been lying about having savings.”
“All this time, he bragged about being financially stable and successful (he’s a lawyer), but apparently, it was all talk.”
“I understand that people can go through tough financial times, but lying about it and letting me carry all the burden? That felt like a betrayal.”
In that moment, the OP realized what her partner had done was a deal breaker.
“I decided to call off the wedding and the relationship.”
“Now he’s throwing the wedding expenses in my face, even though I did all the work.”
“My parents think I should go through with it since the engagement has already been announced to family.”
“Was I wrong for calling it off? I feel heartbroken, used, and honestly, fooled. And seriously, if you can’t afford to get married, why propose in the first place?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were relieved that the OP walked away from the relationship when she did.
“You didn’t call off a wedding, you canceled a subscription to nonsense. Good for you! NTA.” – Beingmaeryl
“The question I would be asking is if he’s justifying lying, how do you know it’s just this one thing? What else has he been lying about?”
“Once trust is lost, there’s nothing left. A divorce is far more expensive than a called-off wedding, especially since your ex-fiancé is a lawyer.”
“NTA.” – Ill-Novel5199
“You did the right thing, my dear. If you have any doubts, thinking whether you got the right decision, I’m someone who took the opposite decision and still regrets it. My husband suggested a small function and expenses to be shared by both of us.”
“But it ended up being a big function for his friends and family, paid by me. He never gave back any money he promised. He took all my savings and maxed my credit cards. I fell into deep depression, and it’s only after 10 years that I’m seeing things clearly. I wish I had your wisdom.” – Sweet_Dependent_7586
“Good for you! It wasn’t a wedding, it was an adoption of a lying manchild that would take every penny you have now and in the future.”
“If you can’t get money back, throw a ‘Thank God I Dodged A Bullet’ party.”
“NTA.” – KLG999
“NTA. He’s a liar, a loser, a user, and a leech.”
“Your parents are… confused? misguided? deluded?”
“Do not marry that jerk.”
“Make sure he pays you back. Sue him if necessary.” – Travelinggone777
Others were suspicious about how he could be a lawyer with no savings built up.
“I’d be asking what the h**l he’s spending his money on if he’s a high-earning lawyer with no savings. NTA.” – ItJustWontDo242
“If he’s lying now, what happens when you’re married and need to plan for a house, kids, emergencies, or retirement? Marriage requires teamwork and honesty, both were missing here.” – Illustrious_Leek8751
“It’s alarming, because this breakup is about lying and betrayal, not necessarily about money, but it also HAS to be a little about money, too.”
“Not that he can’t save up for the wedding, but what is he hiding financially? Where the h**l does his lawyer’s salary go? Does he have a drug or gambling addiction, ran up numerous credit cards and is paying them off, has another woman, what?? NTA.” – Pageybear13
“We make a big fuss about marriage being about love.”
“What it REALLY is about is partnership. And a financial partnership first.”
“He’s not ready to be a partner. You can’t be planning your life with a partner who lies. About anything, but especially money.”
“Nor can you partner with someone who thinks about money the way he does; that he’ll splurge now and borrow from future earnings, his parents will bail him out, it doesn’t really matter when someone is actively signing contracts, etc.”
“Consider this revelation about his unfitness to be cheap at whatever its financial cost.”
“And I am SHOCKED at your parents! Time was, parents wouldn’t let a woman marry a man who wasn’t verifiably financially solvent and able to support her in the manner to which she was accustomed.”
“NTA, but your parents sure are!!” – TootsNYC
“NTA. His betrayal is telling of things to come. He has no shame because he’s trying to gaslight you. Good riddance. Better calling off things now rather than after marriage, when it’s a lot more complicated.”
“He cannot be trusted and the worst thing is he is so disrespectful because he thinks you’re stupid enough to fall for his crap… Good for you, girl. Time to keep it moving.” – JunePlum79
Some also reassured the OP that her mother had the wrong priorities at this moment.
“NTA. Your parents are likely saying it to save their face, nor yours. You should seriously doubt them if they’d sabotage your entire future to save themselves some embarrassment today.”
“As everyone is saying, there’s no ambiguity here, you should run now.” – ProjectJourneyman
“NEVER go through with a wedding to please someone else! Dumb attitude from your parents. Hugs to you.” – KWS1461
“With all due respect, please tell your parents that you understand them not wanting you to cancel the wedding due to the engagement already being announced and that you understand it will be embarrassing.”
“That said, you would rather go through the embarrassment than an awful marriage where trust does not exist and where you will probably would always have to be the one picking up the physical and emotional bill for him.” – Hazzie123
“Are your parents always bad parents or just when it comes to losing face? NTA.” – DragonSeaFruit
“NTA. Getting married because it has already been announced is a stupid reason, and your parents should be ashamed. Lying, manipulating, and then trying to exploit you has shown your ex-fiance to be a user and a loser. You dodged a bullet.” – AdAccomplished6870
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“Hi everyone, thank you so much for the support. I didn’t expect my post to get much attention, but reading your responses helped me feel less alone and more validated in what I was feeling.”
“It’s been a week since I called everything off. He’s been texting and calling nonstop, flip-flopping between apologizing and guilt-tripping me. At one point, he said, ‘We can still fix this, it’s just money.'”
“But it was never just about the money. It was the lying, the manipulation, the months of pretending to be someone he wasn’t, and letting me drown financially and emotionally while he played the role of the dependable fiancé.”
“I’m staying with a close friend for now while I sort things out. I’ve cried more than I thought possible, but each day, I feel a little lighter. The fog is lifting.”
“His family finally reached out, trying to ‘mediate.’ His mom even asked if we could ‘just scale down the wedding instead of canceling it.'”
“I told them very calmly that there is no wedding to scale down. I’m done. And I mean it. I’ve also started looking through everything I paid for, checking which vendors I can cancel or get partial refunds from. It sucks, ngl, but I’d rather lose money than lose myself in a marriage built on lies.”
“My parents are slowly coming around. My dad said something last night that really hit me: ‘It’s better to disappoint people for a moment than to disappoint yourself for a lifetime.'”
“I don’t know what comes next. But I know what I left behind, and I know it was the right thing to do. Thank you so much again. You really helped me a loooot.”
Fellow Redditors were glad that the OP was advocating for herself and that her parents were starting to see reason.
“You walked away not just from a wedding, but from a future where you would’ve been the only one showing up, financially and emotionally. That’s not a partnership, that’s a slow erasure of your peace, your dignity, and your sense of self. And you said no to that. Loudly. Clearly. Without apology.” – Main_Lenghtiness_606
“People who say ‘it’s just money’ never seem to be the ones paying. OP would be funding him for the rest of her marriage and having no idea where it went.” – Beth21286
“If his parents said to ‘just scale down,’ then they should pay for it. But I wholeheartedly agree that OP dodged a bullet. He consistently lied and used her trust against her. He knew he did not have any savings all along.”
“He could have just told the truth before she paid for anything. It will be a hassle to get the majority of her money back, but I would rather her do that than be with a lifetime liar. If he lies like this and keeps it going, what else will he lie about in the future?” – Tommie_1215
“As an officer of the court, he’s a disgrace… stringing her along like that over non-existent funds. Plus, assuming he earns a respectable income commensurate with employment as a lawyer, where has his money gone? School loans?”
“Or does he have a closet gambling issue, a drug problem or just screwed up “it’s only money” thinking? Apparently, his clueless parents weren’t into bailing him out since they only suggested ‘scaling back.'” – Aware-Locksmith-7313
“I’m glad your dad is in your corner, and he is exactly right. I hope you’ll be able to cut your losses as much as possible and get most of your money back.” – AmountConfident5385
“I’m glad OP’s parents are on her side now. What her dad said makes so much sense. She would always wonder if he was lying about small and big things, and what if he always lied about money throughout their whole marriage. She absolutely did the right thing.” – Frequent_Couple5498
“NTA, OP. Remember you’re making space for something better in your life.” – flirty_fawn_eyes
The subReddit applauded the OP not only for calling out her ex-partner but also for realizing that she was worth so much more, literally and figuratively.
While the bride did not end everything over money, finances were inevitably tangled into this, because by lying about the money he would provide for their big day, he launched a guessing game they’d never be able to escape of whether he was lying or telling the truth.