Woman Livid After Learning Disabled Dad Is Spending Money She Gave Him For Meals To Go On Dates

Money is tight for a lot of people, which requires cutting back on expenses.

For many people, that means going out less, either with friends or on dates.

But what if someone else was funding a person's lifestyle? Can they decide what the money they contribute gets spent on?

A daughter opposed to the usage of capital letters turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback over a conflict with the father she financially supports.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

HauntinglyEthereal asked:

"AITAH for refusing to pay for my dad's dates?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"i'm (29f) and my dad is (56m). he doesn't work. he hasn't for several years. he was in a bad accident in 2019 that left him temporarily disabled. traumatic brain injury, broken back and neck, the works. it's a miracle he's alive."

"doctors cleared him for work and he immediately got into another accident and can't work. he has chronic pain and issues that i'm pushing him to follow through on medically, but he's stubborn as hell and only goes to the hospital when he really needs to."

"i've been trying to push for him to get disability but he doesn't want to go through all the appointments and see all the specialists. (he rather lay in pain for a week then go to the ER for a temporarily solution than make an appointment and go to a regular doctor)"

"i'm the only one working. he has 0 savings. i'm barely scraping by. i'm paycheck to paycheck and working my a** off only to still be a week late on rent."

"my dad started to ask for me to pay for him to go to taco tuesdays with friends. i said yes because he needs the socialization, and i don't want him locked inside 24/7. it's only $10 so it isn't a big deal."

"the issue is, i found out after about two months that it isn't taco tuesdays with friends. it's taco tuesday with a date. it went from me paying for my dad's to actually me paying for him and his date every single week."

"i know my dad's going to date. i don't care. if he's happy, fine. but he has a horrible track record with relationships and each time he'd leave himself in financial ruin because of his dumb decisions."

"i also just don't think it's fair for me to pay for him and his dates when i'm barely scraping by. i literally do nothing for myself. every penny goes to bills, pet food, and now his dates."

"i told him i was done. he needs to get on disability and then he can pay for his own dates. i offered to help him with appointments, and get him in contact with a patient advocate. he doesn't want to."

"he's had to skip out on 2 dates now because i won't pay for him and his date. it was mainly due to financial issues. i have bills to pay, i can't afford to pay for some random woman's dinner (she works full time and makes literally double what i do)."

"now his gf is mad and is giving him the silent treatment because my dad had to cancel since he no longer has my money. he's upset and constantly throwing teenager-esque fits now."

"i'm just exhausted. i have an emotionally challenging job (DV victim counselor) and now i have this crap going on at home."

"AITA?"

The OP later added:

"i've been trying to get him disability. it's just very complicated and difficult. he's been to four different specialists in the past 8ish months and each time they have him do a million tests then make us wait months on end to hear from them again."

"it's requiring a lot of appointments and he's 'tired of it' and just wants to argue doctors instead of sucking it up and jumping through their hoops."

"literally, the situation with his girlfriend is so f*cking high school. i had a really bad day at work and came home crying after speaking with two child victims, their mom, and the police. not going to go into details but the point was that i was so emotionally exhausted that i came home a mess as i tried to process it."

"i walk in and my dad's all upset because his gf ignored him because i said he'd have to skip that week's taco tuesday. like dude, i'm sorry, i feel for you- but at the same time i'm struggling in all areas rn and do not have the mental or financial capacities to deal with it."

"i tried to frame it to him as a red flag: if a gf gives you the silent treatment because you cannot pay for dinner one night, is that the type of person you want to be with? is that drama worth the energy?"

"of course as soon as i gave in a few days later and told him to just go (i needed the break and silence after this hard week), she's all replying and buddy-buddy again."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to cut her father's dating fund off (NTA).

"I think you need to make him getting disability a requirement to continue living with you. NTA." ~ aeroeagleAC

"He absolutely needs to apply for disability benefits. He worked prior to his accident, and this is precisely what we pay our taxes for."

"This also may benefit him with health insurance as well. His care needs will likely only increase over time and it's really difficult to financially cover on your own."

"You both can't go on like this. You can't continue financially supporting him. He can't continue without at least some money coming in (and it still won't be what he could earn prior to the accident)." ~ KayakerMel

"He’s entitled to his feelings, but he’s not entitled to live with you for free. I’m sure you don’t love going to your job every day and 'jumping through hoops' to not get fired, but that’s what’s required to have money for housing and food etc..."

"He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do, but you don’t have to support him either. If he wants to live with you, it’s time to start jumping through some doctor hoops. Just part of life." ~ Kathrynlena

"I'm on disability due to Complex PTSD. If you're in the states, you don't need medical appointments to apply for SSA Disability."

"You just print the forms, fill them out, and submit them. They may require additional information from doctors once his application is in review, but then the doctors should be able to generate a report describing his injuries and limitations."

"It is a slow process, but it's one of those 'OK this just came in the mail, let's do it now so we don't risk messing up the application that's in progress' things. The SSA will deny your claim if you don't respond in time, and then you have to start over, AND you can no longer apply with the original date since a 'decision' was made on the initial claim."

"One thing I will say is that the SSA will absolutely deny you at first, and it's a pain in the butt, but just do the appeals until you get to speak to a judge. The only appointment that was required for me was an independent psych/therapist-type visit so the SSA has an impartial opinion on how bad you really are."

"In my case, once I went through what I had done for a living, explained what happened, walked through every single medication that I was now taking, and the amount of therapy I was in... He obviously ruled in favor of my disability."

"NTA. You don't need to fund your dad's dates." ~ YummyPotaterTot

"He's only 56. If he's healthy other than his injuries he could easily live another 30 years. Do you want to be older than your father is now and still fully supporting him while your own life has been sacrificed all those years?"

"I'm sure getting declared disabled takes time and effort, but he needs to see it through and jump through all the hoops and dot all the i's and cross all the t's and do whatever he needs to do—as frustrating and annoying as is may be—to get on disability."

"The alternative is that you don't get a life for yourself, which is very selfish of him." ~ Stock-Cell1556

If OP's dad wants to date a woman who only remains friendly if he can pay for all their dates, it's probably time for him to find his own revenue stream.

Necessities need to be paid before luxuries like dating freeloaders.