Dating can be rough. Sometimes a person doesn’t like us back, or they use us for free dinners, or they introduce us to all of their friends just to make fun of us as a group.
Sometimes, all of these offenses might happen at once, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Alternative_Rate126 thought that he and the woman he was seeing had a nice time on their first date, so he was excited for their second date.
He didn’t even think twice about her inviting some of her friends out for drinks after.
But when the group of them mocked him and made fun of him, the Original Poster (OP) left early, vowing not to see the woman anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to give my date a ride home after she insulted me in front of her friends?”
The OP thought that he and a woman were off to a good dating start.
“I (27 Male) went on a second date with a woman (26 Female) I met through Hinge.”
“The first date was casual and fun, so I suggested grabbing dinner and drinks on a Friday night.”
“She agreed and asked if it was okay to invite a couple of her friends to join us for drinks after we ate.”
“I said sure. I’m all for meeting someone’s circle.”
Everything went downhill when the date’s friends appeared.
“Dinner went well, and around 9:00 PM, we met up with her two friends at a nearby bar.”
“At first, everything was fine, but after two rounds, things started to shift.”
“Her friends were clearly trying to size me up, asking me a bunch of questions about my job, salary, car, and even how much I paid for my shoes.”
“I laughed it off, but it got awkward fast.”
“Then my date started making little jokes at my expense, like calling me ‘Mr. Budget Boy’ because I ordered a cheaper beer, and laughing when one of her friends asked if I still lived with roommates (I do, because rent is insane).”
“They all laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.”
The OP decided the date night was over.
“At this point, I was over it. I told her I was going to head out, and she immediately asked for a ride home since she had left her car at the restaurant.”
“I said, ‘I think it’s best if you find another ride.'”
“She looked stunned and asked why I was being rude. I told her honestly that I didn’t appreciate being made fun of all night.”
“She and her friends got defensive and told me I was being too sensitive and ‘couldn’t take a joke.'”
“I just left. Later, she texted me saying I had abandoned her and made her feel unsafe.”
“I didn’t respond. I don’t think I did anything wrong. She had two friends with her, in a public place, and Uber exists. Still, I feel a bit bad.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he left his date in the best place that he could.
“NTA, especially since you left her in a public place with her friends.”
“She was wrong for making fun of you, it’s that simple. If it were reversed and it was you and two of your guy friends making fun of her, we’d be calling you the AH.”
“Her playing the victim later and telling you she felt unsafe is manipulative af. You dodged a bullet. Sorry they embarrassed you.” – bluesunset90
“She’s an adult woman in the company of two other adult women in a public space. He didn’t just abandon her at the side of the road in the dark.”
“Sucks that she and her friends turned out to be a**holes. On the plus side, he found out very early.”
“She wanted dinner and a night out, paid by this guy. and wasn’t that concerned with how his night went. She would have strung him along for as many dinners as possible.” – HoldFastO2
“This was sooo manipulative… She was with her friends… They (with all due respect) are probably a safer feeling than a new person.”
“Yeah, you dodged a bullet on that totally. The fact she didn’t even think about how that might make you feel means she’s just like them.” – tommiejo12
“Totally NTA, bub… (39 Female) Here, and that was some pretty rude/immature s**t she pulled on you. As for abandoning her?… Nope, sorry, but since she had some of her own friend circle there, that wasn’t abandoning her a**.”
“On another note, making fun of someone for being budget-conscious is bulls**t. No matter what the economy is like… Honestly, this was only the second date; then I’d be thankful that she is showing how she really is.” – GwynethNostariel
“As I ponder this, I wonder (and we’d probably never get the answer) if the two ‘friends’ turned on the ‘date’ and started belittling and bullying her because the ‘new target’ up and bailed.”
“These id**t girls like this need someone to belittle, and they probably insulted her and made fun of her for OP’s leaving. I’m a teacher, and behavior like this goes on for years, and some adults can’t let it go before turning 18.”
“Some girls can’t fathom that if your friends talk s**t to others, they probably talk s**t you too behind your back.” – Least-Designer7976
“Nah, you’re good. She wanted to play mean girls with her friends, then got shocked when you didn’t stick around to be the punchline. ‘Made her feel unsafe’? Please. She had backup and a phone. It sounds like she just didn’t like getting called out. Next time, she’ll think twice before turning a date into a roast session.” – Growstreet2089
“NTA. She was mocking you and made it clear you two weren’t gonna work out. You left her in the care of friends so she wasn’t in danger. And you were very clear about why.”
“Hopefully, she learns from this and does better in the future. You did the right thing.” – Envy_The_King
Others agreed and pointed out that bullies couldn’t expect special treatment.
“Her invitation to her friends on our second date would have been a huge red flag for me. I wouldn’t have gone. You’re still FAR from knowing her at the second date point.”
“I would have taken this as she just wants me to pay for everyone’s evening of drinking and has no real interest in me. A woman shouldn’t want to invite others on date number two. She should be wanting to get to know you.” – Grateful_Dad77
“NTA. They insulted OP, then expected a ride. That’s not how it works. You’re not a taxi service for people who disrespect you.” – Zeira-Catch-4732
“If someone thinks it’s funny to humiliate their date in front of others, they don’t deserve your kindness afterward. He isn’t her Uber, He was her date, and she treated him like a punchline. She can laugh her way to a ride home.” – jay38774
“NTA. Either she meant every word, and it stopped being a joke when you were made to be the whipping boy for their amusement, or she’s too spineless and pathetic to insist upon boundaries with her friends.”
“There is no other version of this, no “context” that saves her from being damned, she just isn’t a good person at a glance. Playing the victim later was just a cheap attempt at manipulation, so I wouldn’t pay her any mind.” – DivineTarot
“You are good, bro, and it seems like u are financially responsible under this current economic climate. You did the right thing; f**k what they have to say!!”
“When she wanted a ride home, I would’ve told her, ‘It’s not in the budget.’ Sunglasses would materialize on my face, flames would shoot out of the exhaust while I did donuts out front, stereo blasting air horn noises.” – DIHATER3002
“You did the right thing, for real. NTA. She made you the butt of every joke just to impress her friends, and then she tried to act like you were the problem? Nope.”
“You don’t owe her a ride or anything after that disrespect. She had her little crew with her, and you left calmly, which is more than what most would have done.”
“Let her find someone else to mock on the way home.” – Petalwhisperrrr
“If she allows anyone to make fun of her date like that, then the answer is clear, and I don’t think she’s a good match for you in the long run.”
“Personally, I don’t think I would match with that kind of personality either. The level of mockery, especially after just two dates, is just unacceptable.”
“What you did was absolutely the right thing. Don’t pay it any mind, just move on and let her be.” – Adventurous_Hall1751
“NTA, and thank your lucky stars that she revealed her true character to you so early.”
“She claims she felt unsafe with her friends?! After treating you terribly?!”
“She is bad news.” – NotoriousSJV
“NTA. As a woman, you didn’t abandon her. She had both her friends with her, and frankly, for her to claim you made her feel unsafe by leaving was a manipulative line in order to try and redirect her wrongdoings.”
“If she contacts you again, please just say to her, ‘To be honest, your behavior was inappropriate, and I didn’t appreciate the catty schoolgirl behavior from you and your friends. The remarks you made towards me have hit the classic manipulation markers.'”
“‘We tried, you’re not the person for me, so I wish you all the best. I don’t see a reason we need to keep in contact for. Take care.'” – Quiet-Hamster6509
The subReddit empathized with the OP and a dating relationship not working out.
If the woman had wanted to continue to date the OP or garner more dinners from him, she should have treated him better.