Sometimes, the cruelest people are the ones who are meant to be closest to a person.
Not all DNA brings joy.
Oftentimes, many, many humans have learned that family... needs boundaries.
But those boundaries can create external drama within the family.
Family is not always easy.
Redditor No_Pipe1952 found herself in a dilemma regarding her relationship with her sister, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole"(AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for refusing to keep inviting my sister after what she did at my birthday?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So I (24 F[emale]) had my birthday a couple weeks ago, and I invited my parents, my sister (27 F), some friends, and my B[oy]F[riend] over."
"Nothing huge, just dinner and cake at my apartment."
"My sister has always been the type that kinda has to be the center of attention, but usually I just ignore it because everyone says, 'that's just how she is.'”
"Well, halfway through dinner, she starts making jokes about how my apartment looks like an IKEA display because I like everything
matching."
"Everyone laughed a little, and I laughed too because, whatever."
"But then she kept going and started making comments about my job, saying, 'At least someone has to make enough money to buy fake plants,' and then she brought up something really embarrassing from high school that I haven't thought about in years."
"At that point, I was honestly just annoyed because it stopped feeling like jokes and more like she was trying to get everyone laughing at me."
"My boyfriend even changed the subject a couple of times, but she kept bringing it back."
"After everyone left, she texted me saying I was 'acting weird' all night, and I told her yeah because she wouldn't stop making fun of me."
"She said I was being dramatic and that nobody else had a problem with it."
"Fast forward to now, and my mom asked if my sister is coming to a BBQ I'm hosting next month, and I said no."
"I dont really want her there if she’s just gonna spend the whole time taking shots at me."
"Now my mom is upset, saying I'm creating family drama over 'a few jokes' and my sister says I'm punishing her over nothing."
"Part of me feels like maybe I should just let it go because it was only one night, but also i dont really want to spend another event waiting for the next comment."
The OP was left to wonder:
""AITAH for refusing to keep inviting my sister after what she did at my birthday?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"Mom doesn't have to come either." ~ RonaldMcFirbank
"Tell sister it's just a barbecue and she's being too sensitive." ~ mellow-drama
"Yeah, exactly, the mom is already siding with the sister, and if she can't respect OP's boundary, she doesn't need to be there either, she's enabling the sister's behavior by calling it 'just jokes,' and that's not helping anyone." ~ mistyhollow72
"NTA- You know the mother will bring the sister anyway."
"Invitations never stand in the way of a mother enabling her beloved Golden Child at the expense of OP."
"I can guess where sister learned her bullying from."
I would have told her to leave after the first nasty remark, but I've always had a low tolerance for bullying by family." ~ Dangerous_Ant3260
"One thing I am truly sick and tired of is a family who enable an entitled a**hole."
"Your sister knows full well she is hurting you and doesn’t care."
"Your sister and now your mom are creating the family drama; it’s really easy to uninvite both and anyone else who wants to roll with the narcissists."
"Your BF sounds like a great guy, belong to deflect and change the subject."
"Have a great BBQ and knit have those around you that bring joy and positive energy." ~ RaptorOO7
"NTA. They wouldn't be saying they were 'a couple of jokes' if they'd been directed at them."
"They're only telling you to let it go because you were the victim and they weren't."
"You don't have to invite anybody that you don't want to." ~ Condensed_Sarcasm
"NTA. Your sister was making fun of you on your birthday. When another adult tried to (probably very obviously) change the subject, she steered it right back."
"When you brought it up so you could do the right (and healthy) thing and talk it out, she gaslighted you." ~ kmardil
"NTA and your sister are insecure and are threatened by your independence."
"Maybe your mom enables her because she knows how weak this girl is."
"Both of them are wrong, and just ask yourself whether you enjoy their company or not."
"If it’s not, sis should stay uninvited." ~ thespicygrits
"NTA, your sister was rude to you in your own home."
"Whether anyone else is bothered by it is irrelevant." ~ Bubbly_Following7930
"NTA. It is YOUR party, and YOU get to decide the guest list."
"Your sister managed to get herself uninvited to any future get-togethers because of HER behavior."
"Set the boundary and keep it."
"If she wants to act like an adult and apologize, MAYBE you can reconsider her invite, but I wouldn't for this upcoming event." ~ AdeptStudent77
"Why do people feel the need to protect others who are rude and nasty?"
"You hosted a nice dinner for your family, and yet, while your sister took cheap shots at you."
"You deserve to be protected, not her."
"Why isn't her phone blowing up demanding she apologize for putting a damper on the whole night. Sheesh."
"You are NTA here, but your mom and sister?"
"Big ones." ~ MouseAmbitious5975
"NTA. Your sister makes 'family drama' by belittling you, and your mother enables her behavior."
"If your sister (and mother) really dont see a problem with their behavior, they really should get some counselling."
"I wouldn't invite her, and I'd pass on attending anything she's at until she at least apologises and commits to changing her ways." ~ lurninandlurkin
"Do not let it go."
"This is how she puts you in your place (beneath her) and gets attention at the same time."
"I endured this for most of my life, and a few jokes can be incredibly hurtful and damaging."
"Let your sister know that she has hurt you and you do not want to see her until she apologizes."
"If she refuses, then she is the one making drama; all you are asking for is respect." ~ Cold_Swordfish7763
"Your sister is a bully."
"Those were not just jokes."
"She was targeting you."
"Every time someone says that is just how she is, they are silently condoning her behavior."
"She is this way because no one ever bothered to check her."
"People can either support you, or they don’t have to come."
"This is the consequence of her behavior, and no one has ever stopped her." ~ BestAd5844
"You are NTA."
"Write this to your mother: I am hosting an event, and I deserve to enjoy it."
"I'm not inviting people who treat me poorly."
"When Sister chose to mock me throughout my own birthday dinner, she created family drama."
"That's OK, but I don't engage in drama, and I make smart choices about who I host at my own home." ~ EmceeSuzy
"NTA. You're not making a big deal out of it; she has no right to attend every event you have."
"If your mom doesn't like it and defends the behavior, she also doesn't have to join." ~ mark_b_real
"Abuse is abuse is abuse."
"Pointed ‘jokes’ that tear down another are not just fun, it is a way for the jokester to make themselves feel better while denigrating another."
"Your mother is minimizing her other child’s behavior."
"She is wrong." ~ wasakootenayperson
"NTA. Invite her to the BBQ."
"And get the guests who know your sister to make bets about how long it will take for your sister to start sh*t-talking about you."
"Extra points if they guess the theme (work, your home, ancient history...)."
"Get a blackboard and write down the bets."
"Then, once your sister follows her nature, bring out the blackboard and give a prize to the winner." ~ Horror-Reveal7618
"NTA. Your sister is just being a bit*h."
"She doesn't care how she makes you feel because nobody has a problem with it."
"Tell your mom if she also doesn't want to come, it's also fine."
"It isn't dramatic to want peace and not be made fun of for everything."
"Feels like she's jealous." ~ No-Abalone4897
"NTA. I had a similar issue with my brother, and I made it clear that you can’t come into my home and disrespect me."
"He wasn’t invited to my house for anything until he apologized."
"I was polite and cordial at any of the family gatherings at other people’s homes, but he did not come back to my house again for 5 years, when he apologized (because my mom wouldn’t stop nagging him)."
"Don’t let people disrespect you in your own home ever." ~ MysteriousHoneydew82
"Wow. NTA, but your sister and mom top the scales."
"Making jokes at someone else’s expense is just wrong, especially when they have been made aware of how you feel about it."
"It is okay to put distance between anyone who can’t respect you, as well as anyone who cannot be supportive." ~ whodoyoulove2020
"NTA. Your Mother is going for a Wooden Spoon award here."
"Why would she even ask you if you were inviting your sister if she wasn't trying to create a situation?"
"I think your sister got her extremely annoying and immature behavior from your mother." ~ Purple_Paper_Bag
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your sister hurt your feelings, and she has yet to apologize.
These are the consequences of her actions.
Sorry that your Mom is making it difficult.
Good Luck.
