More people around the world are choosing to either have fewer children or to remain childfree. The reasons are many and varied, but for some people, they just generally don't enjoy being around children.
Which is their prerogative. But if they make others aware of their feelings, should they be surprised when parents prefer not to have them around their children?
A mother turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her sister objects to being excluded from a girls trip.
Intelligent_Sun_8232 asked:
"AITA for asking 'why would I' when my sister learned she wasn’t invited?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (28, female) and my sister (30, female) got into an argument and I want to know if I was in the wrong."
"My sister is big on being child-free. She posts about it online and has made comments about where kids should and shouldn’t be. I had my daughter when I was 18 and it was rough. I don’t have any regrets and married my high school sweetheart."
"My family and I are doing well financially, and I’m currently pregnant with my second child. We’re very fortunate that I was able to go to college and that my spouse has a good job as well."
"My sister wasn’t helpful at all when our first child was growing up.
"Yeah, she doesn't have to be helpful. But that means I don’t want to help her when she has issues. I don’t want to help her when she needs help or invite her on a fun trip.
"I don’t wish to be close to her. She wasn’t supportive of me and I don’t care to be supportive of her. I am treating her the same way she treated me."
"Her online posts made it seem like I was a huge f*cking idiot for having kids, especially during a time when things were really difficult. I have told her how hurtful her posts were, but she just responds, 'not your kid, but basically all kids…'."
"Her actions speak much louder than her words. She doesn't have any relationship with my kid. Becuase she didn’t want to have one. My daughter only sees her at family gatherings."
"She didn’t want to be around her growing up. She is not an active part of anything with my daughter."
"I used to invite her to things, but she would get upset if I couldn’t stay later than we had agreed or if I mentioned doing something where I could bring my daughter. One example hanging out at the park."
"It would have been nice if she helped occasionally. Like, maybe once every two months to babysit, so I could feel more human. She did nothing."
"One time at a family gathering, I asked her to watch my daughter for five minutes so I could help my husband unload the car. My husband had a broken leg at the time… and she didn’t even help unload the car. She said no, so I did it with a toddler on my hip."
"So we grew apart."
"The issue is that my daughter is doing a volleyball training session over the weekend in a nice city about a state away. The city is a popular vacation spots. It’s very pretty. It is surrounded by mountains. It’s a very nice place to go to."
"I’m going with her, but she’ll be busy for most of the day, so the parents have time to wander around and have some fun themselves. I invited my mom and she was down for a mini girls trip."
"The general plan: kid goes to practice, mom and I explore city, kid finishes practice around dinner, we get dinner, and repeat the next day, but we leave after dinner."
"We are leaving Friday. It is going to be fun. I got a call from my sister asking why she was not invited to the volleyball girls trip. I asked her why would I invite her. She told me since mom is going, I should invite her."
"I told her this is my daughter’s volleyball trip and I already know how she feels about children and why would I invite her to a trip that focuses on my kid? She told me this was different since my kid would be gone most of the day."
"I told her no. The entire reason we were going is because of my daughter. Even if she isn’t physically with us every second, this is still her volleyball weekend. And I know how she feels about kids."
"She said that’s not fair and that she is still my daughter’s favorite aunt. I told her that she is her only aunt. She called me a dick and she went to my mom. My mom seems to be on my side, but now she doesn’t seem excited for the trips."
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. You're traveling specifically to support your kid. Asking 'why would I' simply pointed out the obvious contradiction of expecting an invite to a child-focused trip after years of openly disdaining children and parenting." ~ Spectre_Omega
"Yeah, the sister will only ruin the mood especially during the conversations when OP's daughter is concerned. It's not wrong of OP to choose peace and relax with her mom."
"Also, the sister being so surprised and offended that OP had enough is funny. Did she really expect her to just continue taking the disrespect forever?"
"Also... the adults' activities are planned around the kid's schedule. Breakfast and dinner with the kid, talking about stuff she did in training. Having the vehemently childfree aunt along most likely would ruin those dinners where the kid should be a big focus."
"Like, I'm a child-free aunt myself. If my sister brought my niece on a sports trip near me, I'd being saying 'fun' and asking if I could take her AND my niece out for dinner. The aunt is an a**hole." ~ gremlinsarevil
"Same! I am happily child free, but love my niece and nephew. We arrange get togethers at least once a month since we all live 1-2 hours apart." ~ Constant-Rip7304
"Imagine the sister's mood if the kiddo got injured and now the majority of the weekend was spent at a hospital getting x-rays, then cut short to go home‽‽" ~ jerseysbestdancers
"This was the first thing that popped into my head! It doesn't even have to be anything serious to be called away. I once had to leave work because my kid fell in a mud puddle during recess and needed a change of clothes. NTA." ~ Born_Significance691
"Exactly—if that happens, the sister will only end up stressing the kid and everyone around them." ~ IceSeeker
"I make absolutely no apology for my priorities having changed to put my children first, and I can't imagine anyone blaming me for it. Thankfully there are some good childfree people out there. My sister and SIL chose not to have children. Instead, they are just good aunties." ~ regus0307
"Don't forget that OP is currently pregnant. So on top of the trip being for the daughter, OP will get snide comments for anything that may be pregnancy related (cravings, fatigue, vomiting, back pain, etc...)." ~ Pretty_Sock_7127
"Also, I wouldn't want to expose my kid (or any kid) to someone who thinks said kid is a nuisance and a burden and only came because they would be gone for most of the day. That is not fair to OP's daughter." ~ AlexandraG94
"My aunt treated me like this and now other family wonders why I don't want to hang out with her as an adult. Gee, I dunno. It's a mystery." ~ WorriedReview7043
"This. And it's totally laughable that she's claiming to be the favorite aunt. This kid is 10; she's not stupid. If she doesn't already know her aunt hates her/being around her, it's only a matter of time."
"Yet I have a feeling sis will have an attitude about daughter being fully aware of her aunt's feelings towards her." ~ Bice_thePrecious
"This was the moment I said 'yeah, f*ck her' out loud: 'It's different because the daughter will be gone most of the day'? Gross." ~ ASPARAGUS_URINE
"NTA I am child free by choice but I also love children. I take my auntie duties very seriously. It sounds like your sister expects you to do things on her terms and there is no room to compromise."
"Your sister is actively ruining her relationship with you and your family because of her life choices. I am very much of the mindset that no one should try to force their beliefs on another person or look poorly on other people for their life choices." ~ Jean_Marie_1989
"It lowkey sounds like the sister wanted OP to fail as a teen mom and is weirdly bitter that her life turned out well. ~ goyaguava
"Agree. Which didn’t seem to work out since OP seems happily married, seems to be financially stable with both of them graduated from college. Also, they are stable enough for their kid to be in a sports camp and seems happy to be having another child." ~ MarketingAromatic751
"It's the narrative, teen moms struggle, OPs sister is the type that doesn't like kids and thinks everyone with kids should be secretly miserable. The performative self-martyring childfree folks. I'm glad to hear a story of a teen mom turning out well, it often doesn't." ~ North-Research2574
"NTA. Your sister is making the right life choice, she isn't fit to raise a child of her own. Is she 30 or 13?" ~ Area51Resident
OP knows her sister's attitude about kids. Why would she invite her on this trip?
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