Let’s be honest, sometimes we need a break, and not just a break, but a fully decked-out vacation.
And those plans falling through is utterly heartbreaking, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
That’s why when her mother invited more family members on her paid vacation, Redditor moonturtle766 was less than amused.
But when the family accused her of killing the vibe of the trip she paid for, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow being too negative.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ruining my sister’s vacation?”
The OP was concerned about her sister’s life choices.
“I’m 22 years old. My sister is 26 and has 2 children, a 2-month-old and a 2-year-old.”
“I always thought she should not have had another child because she can barely take care of the other one. Most of the time, she asks other people to take care of them because she can’t do it alone.”
“Our mom is one of the people who goes and helps a lot, definitely now that the baby was born.”
The OP was looking forward to having a quiet vacation.
“Now for the vacation part. I booked a vacation to the beach a year ago, and it was quite expensive.”
“But this is something I really wanted, so I saved up for it.”
“I asked our mom if she wanted to go with me, she said yes, and so I booked and paid for 2 people.”
But then the OP’s mother changed her vacation plans.
“A month before we left for the vacation, my mom said my sister was also coming with us because her boyfriend was away that same week on a bike vacation.”
“There wasn’t really a question in there, they just announced it.”
“Afterwards, I went to our mom and told her my concerns about how I was afraid I would have no time for myself and that I would have to babysit all the time.”
“(Something about me, I’m highly sensitive and I get overwhelmed very quickly by constant loud noise. Also, being an introvert, being around people, mentally drains me to the point that I can’t do anything anymore but just sleep. They already know this.)”
The vacation went exactly the way the OP feared.
“We are now 4 days into the vacation, and everything I was worried about came true.”
“I have to constantly keep my 2-year-old nephew busy while my mom and sister are on their phones or taking care of the baby.”
“Even when I go somewhere else to be alone for a second, like to lay on my bed or something, he follows and keeps asking to play.”
“I love him, but it gets to be too much for me.”
“The only way they leave me alone is when I’m sleeping, so I have been doing that a lot.”
“Because of that, I haven’t been able to do anything that I wanted to do.”
The OP’s sister and mother accused her of killing the vibe.
“My sister told me today that I’m ruining her vacation because I make a long face all the time. I don’t know if that’s an English expression, but in Dutch, it means I’m not happy all the time.”
“I was so annoyed that I told her, ‘What do you mean ruining your vacation? I paid for it. This is my vacation.'”
“She began yelling and said that just because I paid for everything doesn’t mean I can sit here and ruin it for her.”
“I said, ‘You invited yourself. I didn’t ask for you to be here.'”
“I also said that they promised I would not have to babysit.”
“She began yelling louder and said that I haven’t touched the baby while we were here (but that’s a lie, because I have given him his bottle a few times and held him while he slept and cried plenty of times).”
“I told her, ‘Who has been keeping the 2-year-old busy?'”
“She got angrier and said, ‘Isn’t it normal for you to want to play with the 2-year-old as his aunt?'”
“Our mom was looking at me like I’d kicked the children, because how could I complain about playing with my own nephew?”
“They stormed out and yelled that there really was something wrong with me and I should think about what I said.”
The OP was at a loss for what to do.
“I’ve been crying non-stop and have no clue what to do anymore.”
“They don’t talk to me. And I’m stuck here with them until Friday.”
“Am I the A**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP needed to set firmer boundaries with her family in the future.
“OP even made a WIBTA post a month ago and then deleted it. I wish she had left it up, so this community could have encouraged her to set and hold her boundary…”
“This is even sadder with the context from the other post. She’s been bending over backward for her family with this vacation.”
“OP, I hope you find a way to get away from your family and enjoy the few vacation days you have left. And then, I hope you’re able to reason with your family once you’re all at home.”
“It boggles my mind that they really don’t see how they’re imposing on you. In what world do they live that they see you as selfish, when it’s them being selfish?” – psst26
“OP, you definitely need to work on boundaries and saying no. Google assertiveness training. You can literally be taught to get better at saying no. Because you 100% should have said no to your sister crashing this vacation.”
“(PS, yes, having a long face is an expression in English too.)” – EinsTwo
“If I were OP, I wouldn’t have allowed my vacation to be taken over by three extra people. I would have firmly told the mom that this vacation would be a relaxing one filled with sun, sand, sea, food, drinks, and rest, no kids.”
“She was more than welcome, but the sister and her children were not, nor were they invited. If she was not OK with that, she could decline to come.”
“Having firm boundaries, in the beginning, may seem tough, but it is much better than caving and having a disaster of a trip.” – Electrical-Date-3951
“NTA. Your sister took advantage and your mum didn’t give a f**k about you or your feelings.”
“Go off on your own, and enjoy the rest of your holiday! When you get back set boundaries and leave them to it!”
“Your sister’s kids are not your responsibility. Next time, go away on your own or go with a friend or a solo travelers group. Neither your mum nor your sister have thought about you or your feelings, it’s all about your sister, her needs, and her kids.”
“They’ll probably call you an AH but they’re so self-absorbed, your mum playing granny and reliving being a mum and your sister just being her by the sounds of it. Just keep your boundaries, they will run to you again eventually for help, so make sure you say no.” – Ill_Run_9956
“NTA. I know it’s hard when you are the youngest and one perpetrator is your parent but you are handling yourself fine.”
“If you need help, show them this post. Tell them that people around the world think that they are assholes who have ruined your vacation and they need to shape up or go home. You love them, but not their entitlement.”
“This was your vacation, and your mom is your guest. Your sister was uninvited. They owe you an apology each and some consideration.”
“Go and do the things you want, and they can stay in the hotel room. If they go to the beach they need to assign one of themselves to the baby and one to the nephew.” – Curious-One4595
Others wanted her to set firm boundaries throughout the rest of the vacation.
“The OP should spend her day out and about, at the beach or shops. This AH lazy sister of hers and her equally AH mother can sort out their own child care.” – Dashcamkitty
“OP, gather your stuff in the morning and spend the day on the beach, without them, or exploring town, without them.”
“Tell them that you know your ‘mood’ is ruining the trip, so you’ll give them some space. But, really, don’t LET them ruin your vacation.”
“And never invite your mom again. OP, I would get as much distance from these people as possible.” – crystallz2000
“100% this. OP needs to plan out a solo day, get up early and escape for solo adventures.” – lemurkn1ts
“For the remaining of the vacation ghost mom and sister. Be gone all day. No more vacation invites for mom.” – tstormVA56
“I really don’t understand why OP is staying in her room. You can just leave. Just walk out of the hotel and say, ‘I’ll be back in 6 hours, maybe!’ It’s your d**n vacation. You’re 22 years old. Live your life!” – energetic-dad
“The sister and mother both suck! Sister is being entitled, thinking just because she is a mommy now everyone has to be there for her and mother who enable this behavior.”
“OP, you don’t have to justify yourself, you are in no obligation to babysit non of her children.”
“Don’t spend days in your room. Go to beach and relax, go to bars, meet local people, go to the local market, and have fun.”
“And next time the 2-year-old comes to your room, give him hug, take his hand, and tell him, ‘Let’s find mommy and grandma,’ take him to them, say, ‘Here is mommy, auntie is busy and has to go out,’ and then go to the beach and give yourself well deserved rest!”
“NTA and don’t invite your mother on vacation anymore because she is the one who invented your sister and enabled her behavior!” – CrazyMath2022
“The sister and mother seriously suck.”
“Both my older brothers have kids and I don’t wanna babysit their kids either. They chose to have kids. I didn’t choose to have kids. I also didn’t choose for them to have kids. They are in charge of their kids, not me.”
“They ruined your vacation, OP. They wasted your money. They wasted your time. Not the other way around.”
“NTA.” – Etoiaster
Some thought the OP should even consider billing her sister and mother for the vacation.
“OP needs to take the rest of the trip as a solo trip. She needs to get up every day early and disappear before he mom wakes up.”
“Also, when you get home, send a babysitting bill to your sister.” – Dlraetz1
“Your mom and sis definitely suck, OP. I’d invoice them for their share of the trip. I can’t believe your mom brought your sister and her kids. Talk about freeloaders. Ugh.” – sjyffl
“Invoice your sister for half the costs of the holiday. You can tell her you are being fair since you are only counting each child as half.”
“Invoice your mother 25% too. She caused this. Also, be clear with her about what she did wrong. She might be under some delusion that she was just creating a lovely family holiday and didn’t realize she was so far off the mark.”
“Do not expect them to actually pay. Do not expect them to take it well. BUT it might make them think twice about doing something similar in the future.”
“NTA.” – Daveii_captain
“Tell your sister she has to pay you for your babysitting time. ‘Who doesn’t want to spend time with their nephew?’ Someone who doesn’t have kids and shouldn’t have to take care of someone else’s.”
“It is okay to not want to spend time with a small dependent child. They are clearly gaslighting you to feel guilt for something they feel THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT. They just don’t want to do it, so they’re guilting you into it.” – Royal_Capybaras
“The audacity. Her mother is unbelievably rude for just inviting along the sister and two young children on her other daughter’s vacation without asking. I can’t believe that someone could possibly be so delusionally entitled that they would think that that’s an okay thing to do.”
“Honestly, the sister is the secondary problem to how messed up the mom is here.”
“If I was OP’s mother, I would be absolutely ashamed of myself and would be doing everything in my power to fix this, including reimbursing my child for the vacation that she ruined by inviting along three extra people without asking, two of whom are young children.”
“Completely unbelievable behavior on the mother’s part.” – PoorLama
The subReddit was heartbroken for the OP and her ruined vacation that was more than a year in the making.
Not only did they suggest the OP try to take back the rest of her vacation days by going off to adventure on her own, but they hoped she would set firmer boundaries with her family in the future, even if it meant distancing herself from them.
Everyone needs to come first sometimes, but the OP’s family was making it impossible for her needs to be met.