Even if roommates work together well as friends or even siblings, they usually eventually "break up" thanks to new life milestones, like moving away or getting married.
There's really no scenario where a roommate should have to keep paying their rent after they've moved out, except for maybe if they moved out before their contract was up, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Traditional_Solid879 had been living with her brother and her father in a two-bedroom apartment for a few years, and she'd worked hard to make it a home.
But when her brother went to another country and got married, not only did he expect the Original Poster (OP) to move out to make room for his wife, but he expected her to continue paying her part of the rent until his wife was authorized to get a job.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by refusing to pay rent until my brother's wife can move in and get a job?"
The OP shared an apartment with her brother and father.
"I'm 24 (Female), and my brother is 27 (Male)."
"Since 2023, my dad, my brother, and I have been living together in a two-bedroom apartment in Florida, and because there are only two bedrooms, my brother and I have been sharing the master bedroom while my dad sleeps in the other room across the hall."
"Yes, we've been sharing a room for almost four years. I have my own bed, a twin-sized bed, and he has a Queen-sized bed."
The OP put a lot of emotional and physical labor into making her house a home.
"When we first moved in, I was the one who put most of the effort into making the apartment actually feel like a home. I spent hours searching for affordable furniture and decorations.
"I found our main couch on Facebook Marketplace, paid for the delivery myself, thrifted the coffee table, found the loveseat that sits in the corner of the living room, picked out artwork for the walls, and even got our dining table from one of my coworkers."
"It's a beautiful solid wood table that expands from seating four people to eight, and it comes with matching wooden chairs."
"I put a lot of time, effort, and money into creating a comfortable home for us."
But the OP was expected to move out when her brother got married.
"Fast forward to now, my brother got married to his fiancée in another country in 2023. He's filed the immigration paperwork so she can hopefully move to the United States and live with him."
"The original plan was that once she arrived, she would take my place in the apartment, and I would move four hours away to live with my mom's home in another city."
"I've already accepted that plan and started preparing for it. That means finding a new job, figuring out how to move my car, adjusting to a new city, and starting over while also finishing my associate's degree in graphic design."
"On top of that, I have to leave behind almost everything I bought for the apartment because I simply can't afford a U-Haul, the moving costs, and the gas to transport it all. So all the furniture and decorations I worked so hard to find are staying there."
After all the work the OP did to make the apartment a home and move out, her brother still expected more.
"The lease ends on September 30, and I've already told my brother that I'm moving out next month."
"Here's where the problem starts. My brother told me he expects me to continue paying rent even after I've moved out until his wife finds a job and they can afford the apartment on their own."
"I told him no."
"I genuinely don't understand how that makes any sense. Why would I pay rent for an apartment I no longer live in while also paying the expenses of moving, finding a new place, and supporting myself?"
"His wife moving in and contributing financially is their responsibility, not mine."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some pointed out that the formula was simple: if the OP wasn't living there, she wasn't paying rent.
"NOR. You're moving out because of his choice. If you're not living there and are not on the lease, you shouldn't pay anything." - dewsh
"'Not your place' means 'no responsibility for helping to fund someone else's household.'" - Pixpodx5767
"NOR. Also, make sure the landlord or the leasing office knows you are not renewing the lease. I can see your brother having his wife sign your name so you are the hook for rent." - Huge-Job1231
"NOR. No longer your apartment, not your rent, not your wife, not your immigration process, not your interview." - Gurglaren
"I think he’s just horrible at planning for the future, made this plan of his wife moving in without thinking about it and then when he realized that there were gonna be financial concerns because his wife is broke and unemployed he panicked and thought, 'S**t, how do I salvage this?'"
"But that is NOT the OP's problem. Helping is one thing, but paying a second round of rent is something else entirely." - SlyAugust
Others urged the OP to proceed with her plan to move out but to also reward her hard work by selling some stuff.
"Move out, AND sell some furniture and things for a fresh start. Seed money because your brother is looking to take advantage." - motherlymetal
"NOR. DO NOT pay rent towards a place you're not living in. He is taking advantage of you."
"Also, since you bought the furniture, just sell them all and get cash! Sell all on FB Marketplace." - dblchickensandwich
"OP, you figured out how to settle into this apartment, and then you figured out moving away, getting a new job, paying expenses, and continuing to earn your degree."
"If your boyfriend could 'fall in love' and marry an adult woman, he needs to be an adult man and figure some things out."
"NOR. None of this is your responsibility. You know what is? Your happiness and your fresh start." - Used_Clock_4627
"Have you ever cancelled your Netflix subscription, just to find out you were still paying it 6 months later? And have you ever noticed that apartment managers are sometimes the dumbest humans on earth who could not give two s**ts about the people who live there?"
"Make. Sure. You. Are. Off. And make sure your brother or his wife do not pretend-sign for you and get you into a very-real-responsibility."
"Once you know you're clear, please enjoy your life and choose what's best for you." - JohnSnowsPump
"Sell all the furniture and decorations you bought that you won't be able to take with you. Or offer your brother and father that they can buy it from you since you researched and purchased it."
"And do not pay rent for a place where you don't live."
"OP, you are not overreacting, and they are acting entitled."
"Good luck with your move, I hope things will go smoothly at your mum’s!" - AcrobaticWillow6952
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
"Thank you all for your support. I had a serious conversation with my brother, and it turned into a huge argument."
"I asked him why they don't move to another cheaper place that they can actually afford? He admitted they don't want to move somewhere more affordable because his wife wants to stay in South Florida. I was speechless."
"And he kept saying, 'If you don't want to help your family, just say it. Just say you have a money problem.'"
"It was like he thought he was the victim, making me feel bad and in an awkward position."
"But no. The money isn't the problem. The problem is that they chose to stay in an apartment they can't afford without my side of payment, and they expect me to keep paying rent after I've already moved out. Plus, I paid for almost everything in that apartment while also paying rent; I'm not paying to move out, help pay rent at my mom's, and pay his rent, too. Like, no, I told him no."
"He thinks that because I'm moving with my mom, I won't be paying rent, and he wants me to keep paying him after he renews the new lease for one more year."
"At this point, I'm just thinking about moving by myself in another state with two jobs just to shut him up."
"Thank you to everyone for all the comments. You helped me realize I'm not overreacting."
"I've also decided I'm taking everything I bought with my own money. Whatever I can't take, I'll sell (even though I bought a laundry machine and dryer combo)."
"I'm packing my belongings, moving out, and starting fresh. It hurts because my brother used to be my best friend, and I don't know if marrying this woman changed things or something, but I know this is the right decision."
Helping family can be wonderful, but paying two rent payments because someone is out of a job is out of the realm of possibility.
The OP had already done all of the work to make her apartment a home, and she'd even agreed to move out and start over. Her emotional labor was through the roof already, and paying secondary rent for another woman was unjustifiable.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.