How small is too small for longterm house guests?
According to real estate websites, a 540-square-foot (50 square meters) apartment is roughly equal to the size of a large two-car garage or about half of a tennis court. It typically works well as a spacious studio apartment or a small one-bedroom home for one person.
A good size for a two-bedroom apartment to house three adults is 1,000 to 1,200 square feet (93-111 square meters), in order to provide enough room for daily comfort, privacy, and ample shared living areas. A minimum recommended size for three adults is 800-900 square feet (74-84 square meters).
A condo owner facing the prospect of a third adult joining their household for two years turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Doublefluusher asked:
"AITA because my girlfriend's sister wants to move in and I won't change my mind?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"There's a high probability that my girlfriend's sister, let's call her 'X', will want to move in to our condo for two years, until she finishes her master's degree. Our condo isn't even that big, only 50 square meters (540 square feet)."
"A couple weeks ago, girlfriend asked me, 'What would you say if X moved in with us?'."
I replied, 'Absolutely not. How would you react if my brother wanted to do that?'."
"She responded, 'I hadn't thought of it that way.'"
"They don't see it as a problem, because they used to live together as adults. Even their mother is already preparing for this and planning their life around this decision."
"Today we're seeing X, and she asked the same question, and I refused in the same way."
"Then I tried to avoid the topic and added that she would have a long commute ahead of her (120km), and it would surely make her exhausted, especially during winter, and I know what I'm talking about because I've commuted to work by train for two years, almost two hours each way."
"The sister says she'd contribute to the bills and pay us 'rent', but that's not my issue. I didn't get a f*cking 30 year obligation to limit my privacy, might as well move in with the rest of the family."
"On one hand, all money she would give us would go to excess mortgage payments, but on the other, I find it not worth it and I feel like her living here would lead to conflicts."
"I'm afraid they (girlfriend as well as her part of the family) won't respect my decision and I will be seen as the bad guy."
"We are together for 3 years and we've been living together for 2 years. We have a joint mortgage on our shared condo; everything's 50/50."
"I should get a substantial raise at. As of now, making the payment alone would take half of my earnings. It's doable with spartan living."
"Am I overreacting?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was
"Your condo is way too small for having a roommate for two years. Such a small apartment should just have one bedroom and one living room. And turning the living room into her bedroom would suck. Also the whole lack of privacy in such a small apartment is way worse than if you have a big house." ~ opelan
"First off, NTA. Your place is way too small for a third."
"I'm assuming girlfriend is on the mortgage. Can you afford the payments alone? If she's continuing to bring it up, there's a non-zero chance she hasn't already promised her sister the space, and/or to 'change your mind'." ~ KatinHats
"NTA. Don’t do it. I am a single person with a 4 bedroom house and I’ll be damned if I let anyone else move into my sanctuary unless I was forced to for financial reasons." ~ damiana8
"NTA. Hell, no. My apartment is 54 square meters, so I know it is much too small for 3 persons." ~ Cloud9_Forest
"Can’t she rent in a shared place nearby and meet up with you guys regularly?" ~ Sydney2London
"I live in a 700 square foot home and three adult are just too many. At such little room, you have the perfect reason to say no."
"You do not have enough space, and yeah, maybe there is an extra bedroom, but that does not equate to extra living space. You will be in each other's space constantly and it's too much." ~ UnauthorizedCat
"540 sq ft‽‽ Isn’t that like a studio basically? How do you have more than a single bedroom?" ~ sherbisthebest
"My god, me and my spouse shared an *apartment* just about this size and with 2 cats (it was a desperate choice sort of deal). After three years I wanted to murder them."
"Both my spouse, *AND* the cats. We were constantly under each other's feet, in the way, and I really felt bad for the cats. Even though they weren't that active, they were still so cramped up."
"I've moved to a 930 square foot house and that's really not much better. If I added a third person to this mess, especially one that I hadn't met, I could not be held responsible for my actions."
"NTA, stick to your guns. But the fact that her family has already decided you said yes is a red-to-yellow flag in my opinion. This is how other major decisions are gonna go, so you've been forewarned." ~ imafrickinglion
"F*ck no! That was the size of the first apartment my husband and I lived in together, and that was a tight fit, even for us as a couple. Living with an in-law in addition? That would have been the end of us!" ~ RosaKiwi
"My apartment is 55 meters square with a terrible layout and I live alone. Three people would be way too much."
"Talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself. If she moves in, it'll be incredibly difficult to force her to move out. NTA." ~ SeaworthinessDue8650
"Wow! My sh*thole studio apartment is 636 square feet. My cat is lucky I let him stay here. I wouldn't even share this space with a partner, let alone them and their siblings." ~ RepulsiveContract475
"DON'T, OP. Seriously, don't. I have at various times had family stay with me in apartments of that size. Even assuming you're all perfect conflict-avoidant angels, there is ZERO privacy."
"And heaven help you all if there is any friction. Even minor irritants can't help but be a huge deal. Cannot even imagine trying to have an adult relationship in that situation."
"I like your question to your girlfriend; she cannot imagine an issue because for her it's so natural to live with her sister (which is a whole other issue for another day...) but was brought up short by the concept of living with your brother, someone she's not 100% sympatico with. Keep harping on that angle." ~ Shoereader
"Where I'm at, that's a small one bedroom condo. There's no room for another person to live there comfortably." ~ trippedonatater
"My hero. NTA."
"This is a huge issue in my extended family. I barely have space for me and people wanna stay over or move in for a little while and my family just expects me to always say yes. I suspect your girlfriend is under the same pressure based on her mother's behavior."
"I plan on getting a larger space, and have already put out the word it’s just for me." ~ unexpectedlytired
"OP, having less than 600 sqft with an extra person makes it really difficult to live like that. Especially for two whole years. You don’t exactly have the means or the room, so NTA on those grounds." ~ MurphMcGurf
"Don't agree to a living situation that you find unbearable before it even starts. NTA." ~ bobofiddlesticks
"If X moves in, your girlfriend will side with her sister on any decisions. Your life will be miserable. You are not married. How girlfriend's family and she react will give you a clue to your fuure if you stay with her." ~ Tight_Jaguar_3881
"Girlfriend may not side with sister every time, but sister will 100% side with girlfriend. Furthermore, girlfriend may use sister's backup to reopen old coflicts because she didn't like the resolution. It's going to be two years of two against one." ~ Professional_Ruin953
"You need to make clear statements that this is never happening and even bringing this back up is a non-starter."
"NO is a complete statement, no reason, no argument. NO." ~ bct7
"NTA. You asked right out what she would say to moving your brother in and the answer was no. So what she is proposing is a relationship where there is a double standard."
"Where she gets to do things that are off limits to you and where her needs matter and yours don't. You need to tell her that you're not interested in that and if her sister moves in you will move out."
"She'll end up either losing the home or having to buy out your share." ~ readergirl35
"If your girlfriend or her family insists, make a counter offer. Your girlfriend, her sister, their family can rent you a one bedroom place for you to live for those two years and your girlfriend and her sister can live together and pay the mortgage on the condo." ~ MohawMais
OP has good reasons to say no to this living arrangement. But even if they didn't, their girlfriend asked and they answered.
