As nice as it might be to host friends or family for a few days, there is absolutely such a thing as “overstaying your welcome” in someone else’s home.
Staying for a few days or a week already feels like a stretch, but also expecting special accommodations during that stay feels like a major overstep, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor daiyu16 was excited when her sister wanted to come and stay for a few weeks, so they could spend some time together.
But when she found out her sister was also bringing her brother-in-law, and the pair wanted to implement house rules for the Original Poster (OP) to follow during their stay, she suddenly wasn’t so excited anymore.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my sister stay with me after she got married and demanded I ‘adjust’ my lifestyle for her husband?”
The OP had created a comfortable life for herself.
“I (28 Female) have a pretty established routine.”
“I live alone in a two-bedroom apartment, and while I’m not a ‘neat freak,’ I like my space to be organized and have a certain vibe to it (think minimalist, calm, and quiet).”
The OP and her sister were planning to meet up for a few weeks, but there was a catch.
“My sister (30 Female) recently got married to this guy (31 Male) who I barely know.”
“They live about three hours away, and since their wedding a month ago, she’s been asking to stay with me for a few weeks.”
“Normally, I’d be fine with it, I love my sister, but there’s a catch.”
“When I agreed, she dropped the bomb that she would be bringing her husband with her. Apparently, he ‘doesn’t feel comfortable being alone’ for extended periods, so she wants me to ‘adjust’ my lifestyle for them as a couple.”
But there were a lot of “adjustments” the couple wanted the OP to make.
“This means rearranging my apartment for them, having ‘quiet hours’ during the day for him to work from home, and no longer playing music or hosting friends when they’re around.”
“Oh, and she suggested I stop using the guest room for my own ‘hobbies,’ which is how I unwind after work.”
“Basically, I’m supposed to cater to their ‘needs’ and ‘make space for their relationship.'”
The OP’s sister lashed out when she didn’t agree to the couple’s terms.
“I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that, especially since I don’t even know her husband that well and wasn’t planning on making my home into a mini hotel or daycare for them.”
“She got super upset, called me selfish, and said it was just for a couple of weeks.”
“But I’m really not okay with it. I feel like I would be giving up a lot of my personal space and peace of mind just for her convenience.”
“Now, she’s threatening not to visit at all, and I’m feeling guilty but also like she’s overstepping.”
“AITAH for refusing to let them stay under these conditions?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to set firm boundaries and were certain the sister and brother-in-law meant to mooch off of the OP.Â
“Your sister and her newbie hubby won’t ever leave if you accommodate their idiosyncrasies, trust me on that. Don’t feel guilty, you’re being set up for long-term stay. NTA.” – OneCrew2044
“It won’t be a few weeks. You’re making the right decision. My brother was only supposed to be staying in my home ‘for a few weeks,’ and it became 18 months and ruined our relationship. Your sister will hopefully come to respect your decision.” – EagleLize
“Yeah, too much time and too much entitlement definitely.”
“I don’t know about OP’s customs or cultural habits but if and when I visit someone in their city and stay in their home I am the one adjusting my routine and schedules for them.”
“OP’s sister is demanding, not even asking, that she turns her life upside down for at least two weeks just so they can stay comfortable?”
“H**l no. Stand your ground OP, or you won’t be able to get rid of them once they’re in your home. Frankly, I would withdraw the invite given their attitude.” – Emotional-Sorbet-759
“It sounds like they want to move in and push OP out so they can keep the apartment. And bonus for them, they’ll insist OP keep paying the rent, utilities, and maybe even the groceries, since it’s ‘her apartment.’ I’ve seen people pull stuff like this.” – StructureKey2739
“‘Make space for their relationship,’ my a**. They can have all the space they like, in their own house, three hours away where they live now. I suspect the OP NEEDS about a three-hour drive worth of space from them, as a buffer.” – TipsyMagpie
“NTA. SHE called YOU selfish? Has your sister always been this delusional? Or does her husband come off as controlling?”
“Either way, NTA. You’re supposed to be GRATEFUL to people who host you and try to minimize how much you disrupt them, not expect them to completely uproot their lives for you and then call them selfish when they refuse to do that.”
“I’m gobsmacked by the sister’s audacity.” – superm81
“Is she familiar with the concept of a house guest? Does someone need to explain it her? As the guest, you go out of your way to be as unobtrusive as possible and make compromises for the sake of the person giving up their home to you.”
“She’s not paying you for special accommodations, for f**k’s sake. NTA.” – Aggreeable-Inside-632
Others agreed and thought this might also be a sign of early marital problems for the sister.
“NTA. Your sister sounds like a moocher. Is there something she’s hiding, like that she and her spouse have no stable housing? And why does the spouse have to work during the visit? Something is not adding up!” – NanoLogica001
“Like, why is she wanting to visit immediately after getting married? Are they trying to use OP for a free honeymoon?!”
“I think they’re looking for free housing, and have no intentions of ever leaving.” – JenninMiami
“I see a lot of my sister and her husband in this post. As soon as she started dating her now husband, he would push her to ask me to do something that she knew was not reasonable, but then he would continue to badger her until she asked me.”
“By that time he had convinced her they were entitled to what he wanted. She can be selfish herself, so it doesn’t take that much to convince her.”
“The ‘solutions’ to their problems often involved someone else making accommodations instead of them making adjustments based on choices they made.”
“I eventually put my foot down and told her to deal with his ridiculous asks herself, but it still comes up every now and then. I think he’s a bully and manipulative, but he does it with a smile and ‘jokes’ about everything, so she doesn’t see it that way.”
“I assume the OP will also have to put her foot down, and since they want to invite themselves into her home, she’ll have to REALLY put her foot down, or she’ll wind up in a much worse version of what I’m living right now. NTA, OP.” – Liverne_and_Shirley_ish
“Be a guest for a long time if you need to, but rearranging everything??”
“I get reducing noise for some hours if the guy has to work, but that’s about it. Outside of those low-noise work hours, having friends and music shouldn’t be a problem, it’s her house after all.”
“And to tell the OP to stop using the guest room for hobbies… Now, why would OP need to do that unless Mr. and Mrs. Mooch are planning to make that guest room theirs?”
“Don’t get me wrong, we call the big spare room my cousin’s room, but he’d never ask me to move my hobby stuff out of there unless he was planning to move his stuff in.” – Buttered_Crumpet09
“I have a feeling that the sister knows how to be a good guest and has a much bigger problem. This is just a hunch, but I’m guessing she is just now realizing that she has married someone with what I shall kindly call ‘quirks.'”
“Picture this. Sister says she wants to do one of her customary visits to OP. That’s when she learns that her new hubby isn’t comfortable being left alone (OR isn’t comfortable with OP going somewhere on her own). Either one is suspicious.”
“So sister plans to have hubby join her on this fun little trip, only to be deluged with demands that OP has to follow. Sister needs to put a stop to this immediately.”
“For the current situation that OP has written about, OP needs to take a stand and get rid of them, but for the sake of her sister, I hope OP can offer support as sister navigates whatever the h**l she has gotten into.” – josie0114
The subReddit could not help but cringe at the situation that the OP found herself in. It sounded like the sister and brother-in-law not only wanted to spend a place to potentially spend their honeymoon rent-free, but by expecting the OP to respect their schedule and to change up her entire home, it didn’t sound like they expected to leave anytime soon.
It seems that when the OP accepted her brother-in-law into her life, she may have accepted roommates, as well.