When people ask if they can stay in our home, our first inclination is to say yes.
Even if the thought of having a houseguest isn’t exactly exciting or convenient.
Things get a little more complicated, however, when a friend or family member asks if they can stay in our home when we won’t be there.
As in this case, we would need to be absolutely sure that the people staying in our home while we are away are trustworthy.
The sister of Redditor Anonymous_05162000 was hoping to borrow her home for a weekend.
A request that the original poster (OP) had no interest in obliging, owing to less than encouraging past behavior from her parents.
Wondering if she was being unfair to her sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my sister and her friends have my house for her bday weekend?”
The OP explained why she had no interest in letting her sister borrow her home for a weekend:
“I (25 F[emale]) live in the basement unit of my friend’s house.”
“It is a complete separate unit and I pay rent, however the big backyard is a shared space.”
“My younger sister Teresa (22 F[emale]), lives at home with my parents still, which is about 20 mins from my house.”
“It is Teresa’s bday in a couple weekends, on the long weekend, and she has asked me to give up my house from Friday to Monday so her and 12 of her friends who I’ve met maybe once can party without my parents being around.”
“I told her I would be fine with them staying for one night of the weekend (either Saturday to Sunday, or Sunday to Monday), but I would not want to give my place up for the full weekend.”
“She said that will not work because her friend Samantha has her bday a day after and they both want to have a full day of partying, therefore they would need to be partying Saturday and Sunday and won’t be able to leave Sunday night.”
“Teresa usually has her bday celebration for a weekend at our cottage however it is under renovations this year and is not available.”
“I have seen how the cottage looks after the weekend and it is absolutely trashed and not cleaned up whatsoever, stains and food everywhere and the floor is covered in sticky, old drinks.”
“My parents also never do anything to make Teresa see that’s very inconsiderate, so she continues to do it.”
“She has given options to me like they will all tent in the backyard and won’t bother me if I’m there, but they will still have to use my kitchen for food and my bathroom, and there’s no way if 12 people who are 22 years old see two bedrooms they won’t use the bed.”
“Also, after 3 days of partying I’m sure people will be puking, I don’t trust they will clean that up either in the backyard or my bathroom.”
“It is also a shared backyard, I don’t feel comfortable letting a bunch of random people in the backyard for 3 days straight when my friend, who owns the house, will most likely want to use the backyard at some point.”
“Teresa is now mad at me calling me an a**hole for not letting her party in my backyard and basement unit all weekend, and says now she’ll do nothing for her bday now because all cottages or campsites within a 5 hour drive are all booked up.”
“I said it is not my fault that her and her friends have decided to start planning a week and a half before the long weekend.”
“I think my offer for one night is nice enough considering I don’t know any of her friends very well, and I know I’ll be cleaning up after them the next day.”
“She refuses to only party for one day and night though.”
“So am I the a**hole for not letting my sister use my house for the full long weekend for her bday?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her sister rent her house for the weekend.
Everyone agreed that not only was it incredibly presumptuous of the Teresa to ask the OP to vacate her home so she could use it for a party weekend, but as the OP was renting her home, it was not hers to rent to others:
“NTA.”
“First of all, it’s not YOUR property to lend out, let alone the risk and liabilities of random folks drinking and tearing up the place.”
“Sister needs to check her entitlement.”- WholeAd2742
“NTA.”
“Absolutely don’t let her and her friends stay even one night!”
“This is not your property and you know she’s gong to trash it.”
“Your friend/landlord is absolutely not going to want a big crowd of kids taking over their house/yard.”
“Letting them stay, especially with no landlord permission, will likely get you evicted.”-handoverthekittens
“NTA.”
“‘her friend Samantha has her bday a day after and they both want to have a full day of partying’.”
“‘Perfect, have fun at Samantha’s place!'”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“That is a legal liability you don’t want to take on.”
“Tell them to book a hotel like normal people.”
“Their failure to plan properly does not constitute an emergency on your part.”- AdGreedy8386
“NTA.”
“That is a legal liability you don’t want to take on.”
“Tell them to book a hotel like normal people.”
“Their failure to plan properly does not constitute an emergency on your part.”- AdGreedy8386
“NTA.”
“You don’t even own the house.”
“You’re renting a room. If your sister wants to party, she should rent her own venue for that.”
“I notice that your parents aren’t volunteering the house where she actually lives for this party, either.”
“There’s a good reason for that.”- SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“NTA your sister is very entitled, isn’t she?”
“If I were in this situation I would not allow them to use my place even for one day.”
“It is intrusive to invite 12 people to someones backyard to party.”
“Your friend who owns the house might have something to say about that.”
“It’s one thing to share the backyard with you, the tenant, having 12 strangers drinking and partying in their backyard would be impossible to miss and the noise factor alone would drive me to the edge of sanity.”
“So your sister has decided since you won’t give in to her demands she just won’t celebrate her birthday…does she try to manipulate you much?”
“I would tell her that if she wants to feel sorry for herself that’s fine with me.”
“She should have planned ahead and not expect other people to save the day for her because she didn’t plan ahead.”- No-Giraffe49
“NTA.”
“OP is renting with a SHARED backyard, having a 3 day bender for people not on the lease is a sure fire way to get OP evicted.”- schec1
“NTA.”
“Especially since this partying crowd could potentially get you evicted.”
“’A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part’.”- flovarian
“NTA.”
“Do you want to get kicked out of your place?”
“Does your rental agreement allow these kinds of parties, or rather, would your friend be totally cool with 21ish year old hardcore partygoers in her own place?”
“I’d just flat out say no.”
“Theresa is old enough to f*cking put on her big girl panties and figure this out without you.”
“Because if you cave to her demands I assure you a little bit of puke and mess may be the last of your problems.”
“Your friend may evict you if damages are involved.”
“Hell, when I threw ragers with my friends in my early 20s people got so sick we had to put the vomit stained sheets outside apartment windows like horrific sails of pirate debauch and day old hotdogs.”- runrunpuppets
“NTA.”
“Wow, your sister is sure entitled!”
“To expect you to accommodate her demanding request is totally out of line.”
“You were much more generous than I would have been with the offer you made.”
“In no universe is it your responsibility to turn over your place to her and her friends as she is demanding.”
“Besides, her activities could likely annoy your friend and neighbors and you don’t want that.”-Realistic_Head4279
Teresa has hardly displayed any sort of past behavior that would indicate she would be a desirable houseguest.
Making the OP’s resistance to lend Teresa her home for a birthday bash more than understandable.
At the end of the day though, as the OP doesn’t own her home, this whole issue is more or less a moot point.
Even so, Teresa might want to consider how she would feel if someone asked her to vacate her home so that they could throw a party.