We’re taught as children that it is only polite to share.
Yet even as we enter adulthood, there are certain things which rightfully belong to us which we’d rather not share with others.
This could be because they are just too precious and personal, or because we don’t like to think about what others might do to these things.
The girlfriend of PSkatebo7 asked if he could temporarily give her brother control of something very important to him.
So important, in fact, that his answer was a resounding no, much to his girlfriend’s annoyance.
Wondering if he was truly out of line, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For not wanting to give up my den for my gf’s brother to sleep in on an impromptu visit to our city?”
The OP explained how his girlfriend had a thought for where her brother could stay on an upcoming visit, and why he was vehemently against this idea.
“So here’s the scenario, my (28 M[ale]) GF (28 F[emale]), let’s call her Ann, and I live together and we’re about to welcome our first child any day now.”
“We live in a 2 bedroom house with a living room and a den space.’
“Her mom has been staying with us for about a month now to help out around the house in these waning weeks as Ann becomes more and more pregnant and for a few weeks after baby boy is born.”
“I work full time so she will need a hand and some help adjusting while I’m away at work.”
‘So today when I got home from work, Ann lets me know her brother will be in town this weekend and will need a place to stay Friday and Saturday night.”
“She asks if it’s okay if he can stay with us.’
“I say sure and suggest that he can crash on the living room couch. very comfy btw.”
“She briefly mentions how it’s kind of awkward to sleep in someone’s living room out in the open when people wake up at different times.”
“I couldn’t really relate/understand what she meant and I really don’t even know if I said anything in response to that.”
“So about 20 minutes later she comes and asks me if I mind letting him sleep in my den, with the same explanation she gave before.”
“I paused for a moment, and let her know that I did in fact, mind.”
“She gave a sigh of frustration, rolled her eyes and walked away.”
“She’s been cold to me for the last few hours, hasn’t said much and clearly has an attitude.”
“The den is where I spend 85% of my free time at home.”
“It’s been a long week.”
“I alternate between a normal work week, and a 6 day week every other week, this is a 6 day week.”
“I’m a pretty introverted guy, I like spending time alone and I’m very aware that very soon I won’t have nearly as much as alone time as I’d normally like, ever again, lol.”
“This very well could be our last weekend as a childless couple, he’s not physically here yet, so I want to enjoy the little time I have left being able to spend time alone.”
“AITA for not wanting to share my space, which admittedly isn’t the tidiest right now, with her brother who randomly needs a place to stay for these next couple of nights?”
“He is not coming to visit his sister and mother, he is here to hang out with a friend who lives here.”
“We all spent time together when he was in town a few weekends ago for the baby shower.”
“This is not a trip for him to visit family.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided as to where they OP fell in not letting his girlfriend’s brother sleep in his den.
Many felt that the OP was justified in not allowing his girlfriend’s mother to sleep in his den, agreeing there were plenty of other options.
‘Why can’t the brother stay with the person he’s coming to visit?”
“Or at a hotel?”- rhiyanna79
“Let him crash on the friend’s couch.”- MaryAnne0601
“It’s kind of given that if you’re staying with someone with no notice and who doesn’t have a designated guest bedroom, you get the couch.’
“Kinda like a hotel room where everyone shares a big space?’
‘It’s your space, having time to decompress is important.’
“And everyone saying ‘it’s only 2 nights?”
“Yeah, and it’s only 2 nights for gf’s brother to sleep on a couch.”- EarNo2652
“I totally understand wanting some peace before the child arrives.”
“The brother can sleep fine on the couch, especially since, as people say, it’s only for a weekend.”-mari287
“NTA you’re already compromising in my mind by letting her brother stay with less than 24 hours.”
“Plus you’ve had her mom there for a month already with no real end in sight.”
“Yes I know her mom is helping, but it’s still someone in his space.”
“Not to mention this could quite possibly be his last free time before the baby arrives and clearly his wife isn’t trying to do anything just the two of them.”
“I get that she’s pregnant and probably overwhelmed, but the attitude is unnecessary.”- MKAnchor
“People who are not introverts have no idea how important it is for an introvert to have a quiet space to recharge.”
“We already know that the OP’s MIL has been there for a month and will be there a few weeks more after the baby is born.”
“So the OP has already been sharing the home space with a visitor.”
“It should be no hardship for the BIL to sleep on the couch for 2 nights–sounds like he invited himself and he’s getting free lodging, so it’s not unreasonable for him to rough it, so to speak, for 2 nights.”- ProfEmerita
“I’m an adult male who when i take my mom to visit family, she can’t drive, we share the host family guest room.”
“Get GF brother an inflatable air mattress and have him share guest room with his mom.”
“That’s life, it’s not meant to be perfect but it’s the best compromise bc it checks GF boxes of keeping brother out of living room.”- homejersey
“BIL’s timing sucks.”
“And wife should have said no with the baby arriving any day now.”
“BIL can stay with his friend or at a hotel.”
“If you want to be super kind you can offer to pay for one night at the hotel.”- Sandyiam315
While some felt that the OP had the right to refuse to let his girlfriend’s brother use his den, it wasn’t unreasonable for her to make the suggestion.
“She’s not wrong for asking but I understand why you said no.”
“You already have her mom there and now her brother is coming so it makes sense you don’t want her family taking over your house.”
“Also is it just me or is it highly inappropriate to just randomly pop in and use your 9 month pregnant sister house as a place to crash.”- theassholethrowawa
“You do know it’s okay to just say you really don’t need any more company so close to baby‘s birth and suggest he get a hotel room, right?”
“If the MIL has been there about a month and will be there a few weeks more, I think it’s okay to say that’s enough company for you when you’re busy with work.”
“But you need to just talk about how you’re feeling.”
“She’s not going to know if you don’t talk about it.”- JustUgh2323
Others however, didn’t felt that the OP was being selfish for not lending his den to his girlfriend’s brother for only a night or two, finding him to be the clear a**hole in this situation.
“It’s 2 days.”
“He’s not moving in.”
“If you can’t handle this kind of ‘intrusion’ into your routine, you are in for a big shock when the baby arrives.”- 86max86
“YTA it’s one weekend.”
“Can you hide in your bedroom?”
“Maybe your wife wants to feel comforted by her family in the last weeks of her pregnancy.”
“Instead of causing her stress and having to apologize for your reluctance to share why not just be cooperative?”- robodoodle
It’s not unreasonable for the OP to want access to his den, so he can have the alone time he needs every now and then.
But one has to wonder if it would really be the end of the world to let his brother-in-law of sorts spend a few nights there.
This scenario also begs the question, does his girlfriend have any sort of equivalent room?
This could potentially add to her frustration in the OP’s unwillingness to lend the den.