People come in all shapes and sizes.
Mocking someone for their size or shape is increasingly frowned upon by society.
A short woman dealing with her rude sister-in-law turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Goodluckbabes asked:
"AITA for calling out my sister-in-law (SIL) in front of everyone when she wouldn't stop making comments about me trying to be a 'sexy baby'?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I'm 27, female. I'm a very short woman, 4'9 and under 100lbs."
"I don't want to complain about being small, but there are a lot of people out there (especially other women) who will not take us seriously, are judgmental, make snide comments, assume attraction to us is nefarious, etc... A lot of comments that imply we're not real women etc..."
"I'm used to it and usually let it roll off my back. But there's a new one that's picked up momentum that I guess stems from a TV show where a girl is putting on a childish act, and she says, 'I'm a very sexy baby' in a cutesy voice, and there's a lot more to it that you can just Google."
"My SIL Cassie has picked this up and has been using this 'against me'. I can't wear a cute outfit without her coming down on me and chiding me for 'buying into the whole sexy baby thing' when I am JUST WEARING AN OUTFIT."
"I'm just trying to be ME. God forbid I wear a shorter skirt or bows or anything I think is cute."
"It's like I'm not allowed to wear cute or sexy things because I'm petite, so I'm automatically seen as trying to be a 'sexy baby' when I'm not. I've asked Cassie to stop or drop it, and she maintains that I'm the one opening myself up to judgment and that I should dress my age."
"This came to a head last weekend when we were in my auntie's backyard at the pool. I took off my wrap so I could hang with my feet in the pool with my cousins and Cassie immediately said 'You're a very sexy baby' at me and twirled imaginary pigtails."
"I raised my voice and said, 'That's a really weird thing to keep saying. What is your problem with me? Why do you keep bringing up that I'm small?'."
"She started to turn red and she yelled back again that I'm the one that's choosing to walk around looking like the 'sexy baby'."
"I said that I'm literally just wearing a bathing suit (a one-piece halter) and asked her what I should be wearing instead if that's such a problem."
"She yelled back that I should 'dress like a grown adult' and to stop trying to cause a scene in front of everyone. I said whatever and just tried to ignore her."
"Later on, we ended up inside at the same time, and she came down on me for calling her out in front of everyone. I told her to stop trying to make me feel bad for being small that I didn't choose this body."
"She rolled her eyes and told me to grow the f*ck up, and that 'trying to start sh*t' with her is even more proof."
"I am at a loss here and I'm starting to just not want to be around my family because of her. It's not enough that I get this sh*t from women at work, at the gym, basically anywhere; now it's in my family."
"AITA for calling her out?"
"Or even for just… I don't know, existing in my own body?"
"It's my brother's wife, he doesn't care. We've never been close/gotten along. He'll always take her side."
"Other people in my family are very hands-off/handle your business yourself. Just the way they are."
"Also Cassie isn't fat, she's just average height."
The OP summed up their situation.
"I confronted my SIL for her comments about me, but it was in front of everyone in the family, and I know it embarrassed her. It made me the a**hole for making it public instead of approaching her in private."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"WTF‽‽ What part of a one-piece halter is not age-appropriate for a 27-year-old?"
"Start sh*t? After all that sh*t spewing from her mouth? You're just wiping it off or spraying it with a bidet."
"NTA. Tell her don't start sh*t if you don't want to be called out." ~ tango421
"NTA. Your SIL does seem obsessed with calling you out for, checking notes.... wearing clothes. This is not 'sexy' clothing. It's just small, because, well, you're petite."
"Enlist your brother to talk to her about this. Let her know that it needs to stop NOW."
"It's sizeist. You've asked her to stop, and she hasn't. It's time to establish firm boundaries and enforce them." ~ NotCreativeAtAll16
"The SIL is being creepy. She's mad that the OP finally called her on it, and is continuing to deflect and blame the OP rather than be quiet."
"Others in the family need to stick up for the OP. The SIL has issues and they're not the OP's problem. NTA." ~ FancyPantsDancer
"I'm friends with someone OP's size. We've gotten weird looks in public for letting the 'child' with us drink. She absolutely gets weird looks for sexy bikinis, etc..."
"They just see this very tiny person and assume she's like... 12 or younger. We get looks. We ignore them."
"However, once you talk to her, she's clearly an educated adult, even if she has a very high voice that sounds... young. She doesn't talk like a child, though, and it's very easy to see her as an adult after a minute because she acts like an adult."
"Nothing she wears that is 'sexy' is inappropriate because she's a grown f*cking woman in a grown woman's body and it just happens to be a slim, short, petite one. I have a slim, petite frame, too. I just happen to be five and half feet tall and therefore looked at as a 'real' adult by strangers."
"However, nobody who knows that friend thinks it's weird she does adult things. Because she's an adult."
"I'd (verbally) fight with someone saying that sh*t around her. Like, she's an adult. She does adult things. Cry more."
"I don't think anything she does is childlike, and only when out in public does it come up because other people stare."
"SIL has issues and is trying to stomp OP's self-esteem. The rest of the people around her need to shut that down. It's just rude. NTA." ~ DefinitelyNotAliens
"I'm not as small as you but I'm pretty tiny compared to the general population at five foot one and 117 lbs. I'm almost 40 thank you and a grown a** woman, and getting passive aggressive comments about my size is so f*cking exhausting."
"NTA. With your sh*tty SIL, I'd either Gray Rock her or put on your best Regina George impression and respond with 'Why are you so obsessed with me‽‽'. Maybe a combination of the two." ~ Jacqued_and_Tan
"NTA. Detach emotionally because Cassie resents you for looking the way you do, because there's something she wants about it. The same is true for other women."
"They're being petty and small emotionally, when they want to be petty and small physically. It's political, it's gross, and you didn't get to choose, just like them."
"Small = feminine is something they resent, and they see it in you, which isn't your problem."
"Keep cool, talk to the person who's looping Cassie into your life, and if that doesn't work and she keeps doing it, refocus."
"Forget the insult that is baby. Focus on the fact that your sister-in-law calls you sexy against your wishes. Make it weird for her."
Cassie 'ooh, look who's being all sexy baby today'."
"You, 'Cassie, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, don't call me sexy. Don't call me baby. I don't want to have sex with you or date you. I WON'T EVER want to have sex with you or date you. It's so uncomfortable when you call me sexy'."
"She's either going to short circuit or say something like 'no! I'm trying to be mean to you!' You 'by calling me sexy? Wtf are you talking about Cassie?'."
"Act like you've never heard the term sexy baby. Make her explain what the f*ck her problem is, and don't play for her, play for the crowd."
"She's trying to shame you. Make it bite her in the face." ~ imyourkidnotyourmom
"NTA, for wearing cute clothes OR for being you! Just because you're petite doesn't give her the right or anybody the right to call you 'sexy baby' or tell you 'dress your age' when clearly you are."
"She's probably jealous or just thinks she's funny. Either way, keep confronting her and calling her out until she learns her lesson to respect other women who are just trying to live."
"You should call her out every time. I stand by that since brother/family will do nothing. Clearly, she has a problem, and you have to solve it." ~ Familiar_Room_9318
The OP shouldn't have to handle such abuse and should be allowed to wear whatever she likes.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.