Parent Bans Neighbor Kid From Coming Over After His Mom Expects Free Babysitting Every Weekend

Having kids in the neighborhood to play with can be great for both children and their parents. Not having to pack up and go elsewhere for playdates can be very handy.

But what if the neighbor's child coming over becomes a burden?

Is it cruel to cut them off?

A parent turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after banning playdates with gheir neighbors.

Ok-Raspberry149 asked:

"AITA for not letting our neighbor's kid stay over anymore?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"So my son Alex's (4) best friend Jay (7) lives across the street. Where I‘m from, it’s not weird at all. My son's daycare has kids aged 1-7 in the same group, that’s actually where they met and became friends."

"They love Pokemon and Ninjago and puzzles and Lego, and that’s what they have in common, which is plenty in my opinion. My son has plenty of friends his age, he sees on a regular basis, and also has playdates regularly."

"A year ago or so, I suggested a playdate at ours; his mom was happy about that, because I quote, 'I can focus on my older one for an afternoon and help her with schoolwork."

"My son was genuinely super excited, and we prepared games and ordered pizza, and it was super fun."

"What began as a planned once-in-a-while playdate turned into weekly, unpaid 'babysitting' sessions for me. Mind you, I work part-time, my husband works full-time, I am still in university, and we don’t have a support system here, since we live far away from any family or friends."

"Every weekend for about 6 weeks straight, he would come over unannounced and spend 3-5 hours at ours."

"If we had plans to go somewhere, it was always a cry-parade from my 4-year-old since he didn‘t understand why his best friend had to leave."

"Fast forward to a month or so ago, I ran into Jay's mom, and we talked a bit. I told her how stressed I was with uni and everything, and I had some midterms coming up, which were super important and needed my full attention."

"She never once offered to have Alex over for a change, which is fair. I didn’t ask her directly, and she has no obligation to offer. But what she did next was where I drew the line."

"The following week, Alex and Jay were playing outside with my husband, whilst I was studying for my upcoming exams. An hour or so later, it started pouring, and they decided to come back inside our apartment. It was around 1 pm."

"I told Jay he had to ask his mom first before he was allowed to stay here, and I‘d rather have him stay home with his family since I had to study and my husband was going out with some friends (which had been planned for weeks since his friends live in another city)."

"He called his mom, and she said that it was okay for him to stay there, since she had 'stuff' to do anyway. She runs a business, and her busiest days are usually on weekends."

"I was left flabbergasted, but I didn’t want to break my son’s heart, and also I felt bad for Jay. So I let it pass without saying anything (I know, my mistake)."

"What started as a short stay ended with them sending his sister to pick him up at around 9 pm because Jay's mom, her husband, and older daughter decided to go to an event site Jay's Mom was hosting or something, and SPEND THE WHOLE DAY THERE. Without even saying a word."

"Side note: Jay's grandparents live 5 Minutes down the street, where she could have dropped him off anytime."

"Of course, I texted and called her during the day. She said she was working and they would be back home soon to pick Jay up."

"Honestly, I was pissed. She didn’t even care to come pick him up herself and thank me for looking after her child for a whole day. She just sent me a WhatsApp saying, 'Thank you ♥️' that’s it."

"Since this happened, I have not allowed Jay to come over anymore. I feel used and not appreciated."

"AITA?"

The OP later added:

"I have read all the comments, and I do agree that I lacked communication with the mom. I am a people pleaser, working on it for the sake of my son, but it’s deeply instilled and very difficult sometimes to not be that way."

"Still I think I or rather my kindness got taken advantage of, especially because she never really asked for me to watch him, because she needed to work, never asked if it was okay for him to be here every weekend for weeks on end and never really showed any kind of appreciation that I fed and took care of her son whilst she did I don’t know what."

"Jay got a Nintendo Switch for his birthday last September, and Alex has been asking Jay if he‘s allowed to come over and play Pokémon. Never once has Jay's Mom agreed to this, even though I‘ve asked a couple of times to bring Alex over. I told Alex we‘re not going to ask anymore and that they will come back to us whenever it fits their schedule—which is never, apparently."

"We invited them for Alex‘s birthday, but they decided not to come, because of 'family time'. Of course, Alex was sad, but he has lots of other friends, so it was fine."

"This was before I stood my ground, mind you, I can’t help but think they didn’t attend, because I explicitly said parents need to attend and watch after their kids since there were around 15 kids, and I couldn’t possibly watch after all of them by myself, in hindsight it feels like she didn‘t want to parent her own children."

"I do agree on the communication part. I am always happy to host, but not constantly and not for hours on end. She NEVER checks in on her kids, it’s always me keeping her updated, which is weird?"

"She‘s not the only busy person; other people have lives, jobs, and responsibilities too. She never once hosted my child, if it’s 100% me and 0% her, of course, it feels like being used."

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"I won‘t let our neighbors' kid stay over for playdates anymore because I feel used as an unpaid babysitter. I never really communicated that with my parents, so it might be unfair."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"A woman who lived down the street from me had a daughter the same age as my niece, and the girl would just suddenly be at my house for hours, and I had no contact info or anything. One day I saw her pull up and she was asking my niece if her daughter could stay for awhile."

"I walked up and said, 'No, she can’t stay here, you have never asked if she can, and the answer is no. I’m not watching her or feeding her again,' and she said, 'I wasn’t asking you.' My head almost exploded."

"I yelled, 'you can’t ask a child to watch a child of the same age.' She argued more, but finally left. The little girl was terrible. Poor thing had no home training or good examples. Some people are just not good. NTA." ~ sinaloa555

"We have a similar situation with our neighbors, but the difference is that they NEVER assume we are free babysitters, and vice versa. Their kid comes over whenever, and if it's not a good time, we just send him right back."

"They do the same with our two kids. We actually ended up building a small 'kids door' in the fence we share with them, so our kids wouldn't have to go through the street at the front of our houses. They are basically our main community here, as we don't have any other family here."

"But what you describe here is very one-sided, so you are NTA for not letting the kid back to stay because you are definitely being taken advantage of." ~ JustWordsInYourHead

"It’s totally OK to tell him he can’t play with your son that day. Or let him play, then send him home in an hour. Five hours is too much. Your son might cry, but he, too, should get used to not getting his way. NTA." ~ Glittering_Exit_7575

"Like…. Stand up for yourself? You’re obviously NTA here—you owe no one childcare. But how can you sit and type this out about how YOU have been providing care and how YOU have been making sacrifices so that THEY have free care, but then you’re surprised when they push it on you again?"

"'Naivety stops being acceptable after parenthood' was a phrase that really meant nothing until I was in the situation. That is a whole other life that you did not make or take responsibility for, do NOT put that stress upon yourself, and don’t give the love and energy you save after a long day for someone else’s kid!" ~ Jadertott

But Redditors also thought the OP bore some responsibility for their situation.

"ESH. Jay’s mom is taking advantage and definitely sucks more, BUT you’re not innocent because you’re refusing to communicate."

"Instead of letting things build up to the point where resentment is boiling over, and now you’ve banned the neighbor kid from coming over, you could have, dunno, been up front with his mom about things. Set some boundaries like Jay is only allowed over X times or only when his parents call ahead and make arrangements with you, with explicit time limits."

"If you like the kid (other than the responsibility of watching him) and he and your son get along and it seems like a nice friendship, then it would be worth communicating openly with the other parents and coming to a better understanding."

"Sometimes people are natural takers, and sometimes they’re just literally clueless. But either way, you can settle some things by actually expressing your feelings and needs with words, not just hoping someone catches your vibe." ~ bybyrandomchance20

While OP's kindness was taken advantage of and exploited, OP facilitated the behavior.

If you're acting like a doormat, don't be surprised when you get stepped on.