According to research, the average healthy baby cries between 1 and 3 hours every day. However, the exact duration changes significantly depending on the baby's age, temperament, and health factors like teething and colic.
Colic is frequent, prolonged, and intense inconsolable crying in an otherwise healthy and well-fed infant. Colic typically occurs in babies aged 2 to 4 weeks, peaks at about 6 weeks of age, and resolves on its own by 3 to 4 months.
There is no single, definitively known exact cause nor an effective cure for colic. It's basically a buckle-up for 2 to 3 months of listening to the infant scream for no reason.
During those months, the babies parents may find themselves sleep deprived. But in a shared living space like an apartment complex, the parents may not be the only ones not getting any rest.
An apartment dweller turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback on a hypothetical "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA) solution for their neighbors squalling infant.
Youshallneverlearn asked:
"WIBTA if I asked the neighbor family to close the window when their baby is crying?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I live on the second floor in a U shaped apartment block, and my bedroom is on the interior part of the U shape."
"A family living in an apartment close to mine on the same floor, have had a baby. As it's perfectly normal for a baby, it cries. A lot."
"The problem is, that the baby's room also faces the interior part of the U shape, and they probably have put the baby's bed very close to the window. This results in the baby's cries being sort of 'enhanced' because of the shape of the block, and it ends up sounding very, VERY loud."
"For the last month, the weather has been warmer and we all pretty much keep the windows open. I have constantly been woken up in the middle of the night by baby cries."
"Mind you, under normal circumstances, I have absolutely no issue falling asleep again easily after being woken up. But this is different."
"Even if I close my windows (I have very good quality windows, never had absolutely any issue with noise), probably because of the crying resonating due to the U shape of the block, I can still clearly hear the crying."
"It goes on for at least 30-60 minutes every single night, and I can't fall asleep again because of how loud it sounds, even if I close my window."
"So, WIBTA if I respectfully ask the family to at least close the window at night while the baby is crying?"
"To be clear, I don't want to ask them to keep the window closed all the time, only while the baby is crying, and open it again when it stops. I'm perfectly aware that babies cry and there's nothing they can do about it, but it seems like a fair compromise, so it's more bearable for everyone."
"What do you guys think?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I haven't taken any action yet. I'm asking if the action I'm thinking about taking might make me an a**hole."
"I'm considering asking a family with a baby to close their window only while their baby is crying, because it sounds very loud due to the shape of our block and it keeps waking me up in the middle of the night, and I can't fall back asleep because of the noise."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided there would be no a**holes here if OP asked (NAH/WBNAH).
"I think this is a NAH situation, but there may be logistical challenges to the situation."
"Babies are at greater risk of overheating than bigger kids or grown-ups. Depending how hot it is, dressing the baby lighter to the conditions may be an option, but there are limits to that, especially for sleeping."
"Also, opening the window after the baby goes to sleep again risks making noise that wakes the baby, which could restart the whole cycle."
"So I think it's completely legitimate to ask, but do it with an understanding that there may be valid reasons that it's challenging for the parents to follow through."
"And, also, sleep deprived people may respond in crotchety ways to reasonable requests. Which makes things harder." ~ snorkellingfish
"Judging by the fact that they say apartment and neighbor, then it is a good indication of OP being from the US, which typically has A/C, and if not, fans are a thing anyone can buy. I enjoy the windows open when the weather is nice, but I highly doubt a baby is going to overheat if there is A/C or fans. Window fans or portable A/C units aren’t that expensive." ~ SunEnvironmental1751
"NAH. I'm a mom of 3 little ones and the noise from a baby crying is designed to be annoying. That's why researchers discovered domestic cats imitate that sound—it gets the attention of humans."
"If one of my neighbors came to me with this very reasonable request, I'd absolutely say yes. Just because I need to wake up and tend to the baby doesn't mean that the neighbors also need to suffer."
"I bet the sound carries to the apartments above and below yours as well." ~ CardiologistNo8766
"It’s not a problem that OP goes over and at least asks… we don’t know that they can’t run AC and maybe they’re choosing not to. We also don’t know they’d be offended, or that they wouldn’t be."
"What we do know is their life choices are negatively affecting their neighbors, even if it’s temporary, and the neighbors do have a right to make a reasonable request. If the parents can’t change anything, oh well, OP has to try something else to make it easier to sleep, but there’s no harm in the ask."
"Only harm is the assumption that because it was requested the parents *must* do something. That isn’t right, but asking and understanding the situation may not change isn’t an issue. NAH." ~ Kittenwho21
"NAH but given that this is very normal neighbour noise, not something they can specifically control, and may not solve the issue if the windows let in sound, then I would focus more on what you can do block out the sound or lesten the impact on you."
"Not ideal, but as you say, babies cry." ~ Anxious-Designer9315
"I don't think it's an unreasonable request. I also have a screamer, and I always shut the window when she starts to cry loudly." ~ Critical_Bed5074
"NAH. OP is fine for asking. Neighbor would be also be fine for refusing." ~ firs_7
"If you can hear it with your windows closed, it stands to reason the windows are not insulated enough to prevent you from hearing it if they close theirs. Something to think about." ~ alohanea
"If there is zero difference when you close your window there will probably be zero difference if they close their’s. The joys of apartment living." ~ NinCully
"A lot of people in this thread are claiming the neighbor's window being closed would be no different than OP's window being closed. Apparently not a lot of people understand how sound waves work."
"If you walk into a room full of plush furnishings, carpeted floors, heavy drapes on the windows, and a plethora of throw pillows and play a sound at a specific volume then play the exact same sound at the same volume in a room of the exact same size but with bare tile over concrete floors, cinder block walls, and bare windows, does it sound the same?"
"No, it will sound louder in the bare room, even though at the origin point the sound was the same in both rooms. That's the science of accoustics and it's been used in designing theatres for centuries so actors or singers didn't need microphones or to scream to be heard."
"The neighbor's window is the sound's origin point going out into the center of the complex where it's likely amplified by bouncing off hard exterior walls and windows. The sound entering everyone else's open windows is that amplified sound."
"But the sound as it's leaving the neighbor's apartment is not amplified. So closing the window at the origin point will make a big difference."
"Even moving the babies crib from one side of the room to the other or putting lots of soft items around the baby's room makes a difference in how loud the sound is perceived to be by others."
"NAH, for asking. Just accept that it may not be feasible for the parents or they may just not want to. Closing the baby's bedroom door and leaving the window open may be how they're getting sleep themselves." ~ MohawMais
OP wouldn't be asking the parents to move their child's crib nor to keep their child's window closed 24/7.
They also aren't reporting them to the landlord nor apartment management.
All things considered, OP's solution seems reasonable and low effort.
