Being friendly with neighbors can make life easier—or harder.
If the neighbors are respectful of each other’s space, things will remain peaceful. But if one party isn’t…
A new mom turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback about an overbearing neighbor.
GreenMangoRhetoric asked:
“AITA? Neighbour tried to invite herself into my house while I have a new baby.”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I have this super annoying neighbour who is in her 70s. She always wants to come over to our place and is always asking for help like how to use Amazon, send an email, or even who to call to get rid of her old couch. We helped her at first, but after I got pregnant, we stopped.”
“She also knocks on our door unannounced and when we open the door, she will just walk into our place.”
“The first time, my husband opened the door, and we didn’t expect her to do that. We had the door open, but she kind of pushed her way in. We were not expecting that.”
“Now, when she comes, I open the door, but the gap is getting smaller and smaller.”
“IF we invite her in, she overstays her welcome, and we have to listen to her complain about her health problems.”
“Well, we now have a 3-month-old, so our time is precious. She recently knocked on the door and said she hadn’t seen us in a while and wanted to see the baby.”
“She literally tried to push her way into our home, but luckily, I managed to block the doorway. I opened the door a crack and she was trying to push it open—luckily I had empty diaper boxes for recycling and a folded up wagon by the door, which helped to block her from entering.”
“I told her multiple times no, please don’t come in, the house was a mess, and I was in my spit-up covered pjs, no makeup, my hair a rat’s nest, and my husband in his underwear—it just wasn’t a good time.”
“I apologized that we hadn’t reached out to her, or had many visitors, as we have been so busy taking care of our new baby. She kept asking to see her, so I finally caved, and went into our bedroom where my husband was holding her and grabbed my daughter so she could see her.”
“I held her and let her look at her through the door crack.”
“She asked if I was home every day, and I said ‘yes, taking care of my baby’. I told her she must know what it’s like since she had 4 kids and she had the audacity to say ‘Well, I had twins and still made time for visitors’.”
“When I tried to flip the conversation to her and asked how she was doing, she said ‘Oh, I’ve been so busy myself,’ and she left.”
“So, am I the a**hole for not inviting her in?”
“I’m feeling guilty because I get that she’s lonely, but I also feel like it will quickly escalate to a situation where she feels comfortable to stop by anytime she wants.”
The OP later added:
“Some other points:”
She has 4 kids (two of which live close by) and 3 grandkids. When we ask if she visits them or if they can help her with stuff she always says ‘Oh they’re too busy’.”
“We have had her over a bunch of times for coffee, but she’s invited us only once, which is frustrating because we have to do all the serving/hosting.”
“We do have a peephole, and we also lock our door. I just feel bad not answering all the time or just talking to her through the door. She’s still a person after all, albeit a really annoying one.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I didn’t invite my elderly neighbour inside my house to see the baby and now she’s upset.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Remember that there is now a little person learning how to do life, from watching you.”
“Do you really want them to grow up to be a pushover? To allow others to treat them like a doormat?”
“Or do you want them to have solid boundaries, with the spine to speak up when being pushed to cross them?”
“There are reasons her family does not come around. And it’s not because they were ‘busy’.”
“You showed her kindness; she smelled weakness. And has been walking all over you since.”
“You are a parent now. Stop setting your family on fire, to keep anyone else warm.”
“Lock the damn door.”
“Put up a ring cam, and only answer to who you want, when you want.”
“Your mental health will thank you.”
“Good luck, and congrats on the new squish!!!” ~ MonchichiSalt
“You cannot possibly get through your entire life without someone disliking you. Time to give up on that pipe dream.” ~ Mysterious-Region640
“NTA. But seriously lock your doors and practice saying ‘NO, NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME’.”
“Why are you letting her walk all over you?” ~ Interesting_Order_82
“Get a chain lock for your door. She will be unable to ‘push her way in’ with a chain on the door.”
“I would also look online (maybe Etsy) for a door mat or sign with some type of snarky comment (don’t bother us, if you weren’t invited, New baby, don’t bother us/ring bell/ don’t knock).”
“I’m sure you will find something that will fit your personality and what you want to convey!”
“Congratulations on the baby, and good luck with the neighbor.” ~ Grouchy-Storm-6758
“Her kids aren’t ‘too busy’, they’ve cut her off. You’re starting to see why.” ~ ShermansAngryGhost
“And the audacity of this woman to tell OP ‘well I had twins and still made time for visitors’ to force herself into OP’s home, but says her own kids are too busy? There’s definitely a reason her kids stay away.”
“This lady isn’t a visitor, she’s a burden. NTA OP. And keep your doors locked even during the day. I know you shouldn’t have to do this, but unfortunately now you do.” ~ Tokeahontis
“My old neighbour was the exact same. I was also looking after her as much as I could. One day, it got too much (basically, the old neighbour yelled at me for not helping her quickly enough when she had misplaced her TV remote), and I managed to talk to the daughter-in-law.”
“Daughter-in-law explained that all her kids had cut her off and that they were ok with not seeing their mum again before she passed. She advised I stop looking after her also.” ~ FrenchRoo
“NTA, but stop answering the door. We have an elderly neighbor like this, and although she is a nice woman and I sympathize with her being lonely, I had to put my foot down.”
“You could even put a little sign near your doorbell asking people not to knock or ring since baby may be asleep.” ~ bokatan778
“NTA. We had a neighbor like that. She was constantly knocking and then barging her way in.”
“She would tell me I was a bad Mom when I had the TV on when our son was a toddler. I had the news on while I was playing with him on the floor.”
“She also tried to shame us for having him pantless when he was very young, while we were potty training him. He started walking at 9 months, and we potty trained him then.”
“She showed up once with a giant plastic frog that you put in the backyard and fill it with sand for kids to play in. Her teenage son kept telling me their cats had been using it as a litterbox for the last several years, and I believed him.”
“I told her we didn’t want it, but she talked over me and had her son put it in our backyard. I finally stopped answering the door.”
“She would knock and ring the doorbell for several minutes before she finally gave up. I trained our son to freeze and be quiet if anyone knocked or rang our doorbell. We’ve since moved.”
“He’s a teenager now and says the sound of someone ringing our bell or knocking on the door causes him to initially freeze before he relaxes. I might have done some damage.” ~ a_pinladin
“NTA. Even if you didn’t have a baby, you wouldn’t be morally wrong to turn her away. You’re a bit of a jerk to yourself for letting her talk her way into showing her your baby. You don’t have to entertain her. Make like Nancy Reagan and just say ‘no’.” ~ UteLawyer
“NTA! You give this old biddy an inch and she’ll take a mile! She’s pretending to be nice and interested in you, but real kindness requires consideration, which she clearly has none of.”
“Makes you wonder why her blood family is so ‘busy’ all the time…” ~ Sea-Lead-9192
“Sad she is lonely, but she could go about this very differently and try to help you, especially with the new baby. Cook and bring you food, offer help, etc. She’s an energy vampire. Don’t let her enter.” ~ SissySpacek07
“NTA—vampires can only enter your home if you invite them in. Stop inviting her in. You have a right to your own space and you don’t need an excuse to not invite someone in.”
“Get a ring camera and a deadbolt. And stop answering the door.” ~ PomegranateReal3620
The OP offered a brief update:
“I have a problem with being unlikeable, but you’re right. Now is the time to let that go and put my foot down.”
“I like the door chain idea—we can still talk to her face to face, but she can’t push her way in! Been meaning to get one anyways!”
Empathy is great, but self-preservation is good too.