Dad Balks When Ex-Wife Asks To See Kids During His Weekend With Them After She Got Stood Up On Date

When parents make the difficult decision to end their marriage, their top priority is the well-being of their children.

It's hard enough for their children to accept that their parents won't be married anymore, but now they will have to divide their time between two homes.

Challenging as it is, many divorced couples find a way to make this complicated arrangement work as well as possible.

Others, however, continue to make things challenging for everyone.

The ex-wife of Redditor Abject-Athlete857 secured full custody of their children, leaving the original poster (OP) to see his kids only on select weekends. For the most part, they made the most of the situation.

However, when the OP's ex-wife recently requested their kids come home early from one of his weekends with him, he firmly refused.

A decision that did not sit well with the OP's wife one bit.

Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA For not bringing my kids to see my ex-wife during my time with them?"

The OP explained why he was unwilling to cut his time short with his children:

"My ex-wife, Lisa (41 F[emale]), and I (43 M[ale]) divorced last summer."

'We share 2 kids (10 & 7)."

"My wife currently has primary custody of them, and I get them 2 weekends a month with extra time during summer and holidays."

"I have been working very hard to change our custody agreement in order to get more time with the kids."

"But the main hurdle is that I live too far away from their school so I am looking to move closer but that takes time."

"This past weekend I had the kids and took them to visit my parents since they live on a lake."

"We spent Saturday morning on the boat fishing and tubing and having a blast."

"When we were back at the house getting ready for dinner, Lisa sent me a text asking if we could talk so I gave her a call."

"She said that she was having a rough day and was feeling very emotional and alone."

"She asked if she could talk to the kids for a bit and I agreed."

"After a few minutes the kids gave me my phone back because Lisa wanted to talk more."

"She asked if I would be willing to bring the kids back to her for the rest of the weekend because she missed them and just wanted to be around them."

"I told her no because this is my time with them."

"I asked her what was going on because she usually doesn't contact me when I have the kids except to arrange drop-offs."

"She kind of tiptoed around it a bit, but eventually said that she had a date that evening, but he ghosted her, and she's feeling really emotional about it."

"It took every ounce of self-control I have not to start laughing."

"She said that she already asked the kids about it and they said they were fine with it."

"I told her that is some manipulative BS and that I am not going to sacrifice my limited time with the kids just because she got stood up."

"I reminded her that she has the kids much more often than I do and I am going to keep them every single second that our custody agreement allows."

"She told me that I was being a jerk and that if the kids want to go back to her then I should let them."

"I told her that the kids don't get to make that decision, and I will be keeping them until our agreed-upon drop-off on Monday, and ended the call."

"She sent a few texts later that night and during Sunday basically calling me an AH, but I never responded."

"I figured the texts might come in handy when I try to change the custody agreement."

"The kids and I spent a lot more time on the lake Sunday, and then I brought them back to Lisa on Monday."

"She made a comment about how much she missed them and how she wished she could have seen them sooner while giving me a weird look."

"I didn't respond because it's not worth the fight."

"I understand feeling emotional about being stood up, but none of that is my fault, and the way she went about it felt very underhanded and manipulative."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cut his time with his kids short.

Just about everyone agreed that the OP was entitled to all of his limited time with his children, and it wasn't fair for the OP's wife to use their children for her own emotional needs:

"My issue is that she's putting it on the kids to be emotional support humans."

"NTA."- Limerase

"Ah yes, by all means let's ruin the children's carefree time with their dad so they can be used to cheer up their mom about some random dude who stood her up."

"Custody agreements should be adhered to strictly except for one-off important moments like weddings and funerals."

"NTA."

"'She told me that I was being a jerk and that if the kids want to go back to her, then I should let them'."

"Them kids didn't want to go back!"

"Totally selfish."- slackerchic

"NTA."

"If your custody is court-supervised, raise it now, not during future litigation."

"What she is doing is a very common first step in parental alienation."- Single_Many597

"NTA."

"She wasn't just manipulating you by asking the kids first, but she's also manipulating them."

"How are you supposed to know that they wanted to see her instead of feeling guilty to say yes?"

"She intentionally put the kids in a position between choosing between their parents and emotionally manipulated them to choose her because she felt bad."

"Not making your kids have to choose between parents is like step one of not being a shitty parent post-divorce."

"You're supposed to think about what's best for them, not what you want out of selfishness."

"Your kids should NOT be her main source of emotional support."

"That's not their job."- FiveLeafClover17

"NTA."

"Your ex sucks.'

"No kid wants to comfort their parent for a ghosted date."

"That’s just inappropriate and incredibly selfish on her part."

"So is attempting to cut your time short for her hurt feelings."

'On top of that, talking to your kids about coming home sooner is extremely manipulative on her part."

"Does she want them to feel bad for having fun with you?"

"The sooner you file changes to your custody plan, the better."- LongjumpingSkill9305

"Her reasoning is weird and honestly inappropriate."

"Kids aren't a stand-in for therapy."

"NTA."

"I'd take note of this behavior...because 'mommy is depressed and needs you' on a call is not healthy for kids."- regularforcesmedic

"NTA."

"That's getting kind of close to parental alienation."

"Your lawyer should know she's trying to poison the tiny amount of time you have custody."

"Talk to your lawyer."

"And maybe petition for a parenting app to record ALL of your contacts with her."

"I think this will get adversarial."- Old_Blue_Haired_Lady

"NTA."

"She shouldn’t have asked the kids at all, and they aren’t her emotional support humans."

"I usually think that parents should extend some flexibility to each other if possible, but this is truly silly on her part."-Trekunderthemoon

"NTA."

"That is not a healthy relationship she is forming with the kids."

"I’m a teacher, and I’ve seen this."

"A single parent that basically makes their kid their replacement relationship, inappropriate over-sharing, and the kid ends up having anxious over attachment/separation issues stunting their social growth and independence."- Gidget_87

"NTA."

"For so many reasons."

"First."

"She's starting a trend that could turn into emotionally abusing your children."

"It's her job to comfort them, not vice versa."

"It's also manipulative for her to ask the kids before she asked you."

"My guess is they didn't really want to go, even though they said it was ok."

"Otherwise, they would have been mad at you for not taking them home."

"Be careful - I wouldn't be surprised if she badmouths you to them."

"Make sure your kids know that you are fighting to be able to spend more time with them (not fighting her, per se, but uprooting your whole life to be closer to them)."

"Second - It's your time. It appears that you get approximately 17% of a month with them."

"Time that you willingly share with your family, because I'm sure the kids probably spent a lot of time with their grandparents."

"I bet if the date was on her weekend, she would have offered you an extra weekend with them."

"Third - She should be happy that she has an ex that actually wants to be a part of the kids' lives."

"My daughter's father would take her for the weekend and be in his room all weekend watching TV."

"He never took her to do things."

"Final thoughts - Keep fighting the good fight and document everything."

"Next time she calls, ask her why she wants to talk to them first and make sure you can hear their side of the conversation so that is it sounds like she's doing it again you can put an end to it."

"Also, make sure you talk to your kids about what happened and that they know that you prioritize your time with them and love to see them, and that they have every right to tell their mother that they are not ok with ending that time early."- mara-jayne

No one likes to be stood up.

That being said, the OP would feel as bad or worse to have his limited time with his children taken away from him.

Something his ex-wife should seriously take into consideration, especially if she wants her current custody arrangement to remain unchanged.