Perhaps the most exciting thing about receiving news of a major change in our lives is sharing it with our nearest and dearest.
We almost immediately start to plan where and when this news will be shared.
Sometimes, however, we might find our big announcement disrupted, which we can't help but be frustrated by.
Especially if this disruption is deliberate.
Redditor Impressive-Bug-4534 was recently fitted with not one, but two positive changes in her life.
News she and her partner couldn't wait to share with his family, who were thrilled by this news.
Everyone, that is, except the original poster (OP)'s sister-in-law (SIL), who felt the OP's good news "overshadowed" her own.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting engaged a month after my fiancés sister and 'ruining' her moment with my pregnancy?"
The OP explained why she found herself at odds with her SIL:
"I (24 F[emale] am currently pregnant."
"The pregnancy wasn’t planned, it was a one careless weekend, and now we're here kinda thing, but my now fiancé (26 M[ale) and I are trying our best to get ready."
"For extra background, my fiancé and I have been together for 4 years this August."
"Marriage has been something we have talked about and agreed on, but my fiancé was always anxious about what-ifs and wanting everything to be perfect."
"About a Month ago, his younger sister (25 [female]) got engaged, and since then she’s had a 'this is my year' type mentality, and I have been all for it."
"Then we found out I am pregnant."
"My fiancé took it as a sign he was being a chicken and needy to make that next step happen of getting married."
"So he proposed, nothing flash or big."
"He recreated our first two dates, and we ended the day with a BBQ at my parents' house."
"She had texted my fiancé how we overshadowed her and that between the pregnancy and the engagement, we’ve stolen all the attention."
"She said she was tired of having to hear about us and how excited her aunts were while they were at her house helping her plan her wedding."
"My fiancé and I aren’t even planning a wedding right now, hers is next August, and we're kinda buying and preparing for a baby."
"His sister has also always had a short fuse, especially when it comes to my fiancé."
"For example, last year when we all attended a wedding, my fiancé was kind of the life of the party."
"Dancing, socializing, getting other people hyped, and dancing, was literally voted life of the party by the bride and groom."
"The next morning at breakfast, his sister went in on him, calling him an embarrassment and attention seeking."
"My fiancé has a lot of social anxiety, and I finally understood why."
"But to the main issue, we recently stayed with his parents for a weekend because they wanted to celebrate the pregnancy and the whole first grandchild."
"Most of the weekend was great, we went to the beach, hikes, dinner, but the whole time his sister was visibly upset and making aside aggressive comments everyone mostly ignored."
"Things really blew up while I was washing dishes; his mom came in to tell me how I shouldn’t be doing that and that I should be resting."
"His sister laughed and said, 'I thought we weren’t supposed to roll out the red carpet for unwed, unplanned pregnancies."
"His mom screamed her name, and I responded by asking what her problem was."
"It turned into an even bigger argument and screaming match where his mom was crying, trying to pull his sister away, and both fiancés and his dad came from the den to see what was happening."
"After my fiancé told me I shouldn’t have responded to her and made everything worse in an already stressed relationship."
"Part of me feels bad because I know things get really intense with his sister and that conflict really hurts and messes with him, but also another part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to just take her bitching just to keep the peace that clearly isn’t there."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in now, here they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided over whether the OP was the a**hole for the timing of her engagement.
Many felt that the OP's SIL had badly overreacted, seeming to be a person who always needed to be the center of attention, and were equally shocked by her partner's behavior:
"I'm sorry, you are engaged to a chicken."
"Even your MIL tried to stand up for you while your fiancé is just blaming you."
"NTA."- Black_Whisper
"NTA."
"But your fiancé is."
"He should be stepping in to defend you- so there would be no need for you to respond."
"Especially since you two are planning on welcoming a baby, he needs to be on your side. You two should be working as a time to protect each other and your child, and at least in this incident, he is not doing his part."- confused_friend5467
"NTA."
"Your entitled soon-to-be-SIL is kind of out of control."
"I do recommend you learn how to 'grey rock' her, though."
"Nothing you (or anyone else) say or do will get her to change her behavior."
"If you're pregnant at the wedding, everyone will ask you questions."
"If you have already had the baby, it'll be even more attention."
"Which is nothing you can control."
"Seriously. Ignore what she says and does, don't feed into it, use the grey rock method when you need to."- DisneyBuckeye
"Sounds like your fiancé is the golden child and his sister has been neglected by her parents for a while now."
"Regardless, you're NTA, but I reckon there's a bit more to this than just 'psycho SIL'."
"Having said all this, your fiancé needs to work on his anxiety and do a better job of being your buffer with her."- TimHung931017
"NTA."
"Sis just always has the need to be the center of attention."
"Also, what’s up with your fiancé?"
"He needs a spine."- BSBitch47
While some understood why the OP's SIL might have felt overshadowed, even if they still agreed that the OP did nothing wrong:
"NAH."
"I understand why his sister's upset that people who are supposed to be helping her plan her wedding are entirely focused on you two, but you two didn't do anything wrong by getting pregnant and getting engaged a month after her, it's her aunts who suck for only focusing on you two."
"This is about more than just her wedding and your wedding/pregnancy, it's about a lifetime of resentment for the way she feels she was treated vs. her brother."
"There's nothing you can do to overcome that."- StormCloudRaineeDay
Others had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or her SIL:
"ESH it sounds you are all too immature to be getting married and having children."- catseyeon
"I'm gonna be a bit of a dissenter, but tbh, I think ESH."
"If my sibling got proposed to literally 1 MONTH after me, and then my whole family pivoted from celebrating me to only celebrating my sibling, having a whole weekend get-together for their engagement, I would also be upset."
"I wouldn't, however, slut shame my brother's fiancée or start a screaming match over it."
"It also sounds like SIL might have some issues with wanting attention, considering the other story mentioned about her brother at another wedding."
"However, with how everyone reacted to the news that her brother is getting married by no longer talking about or celebrating her big news, I have a feeling she's probably been sidelined a lot in her life and has felt ignored during important moments where she deserves a little spotlight."- Shineybird
Then there were those who felt the OP didn't take her SIL's feelings into consideration, and was overshadowing her:
"I don’t know about this one. I think you kinda are the AH."
"By the sounds of things, the sister often gets overshadowed."
"This was her moment, and you did steal it away."
"You emphasize that he is the ‘life of the party’ but he also has social anxiety?"
"Sounds like that’s not really true, and the person who actually has social anxiety is the sister."
"There’s nothing you can do about getting pregnant."
"It is what it is."
"But you can show some empathy."
"She was excited for a wedding - but now people are thinking about a baby instead."
"She’s hurt."
"But unfortunately, you don’t care."
"You’re looking for validation to hurt her more - and you’ll get it on here."
"But YTA."- dark__unicorn
Not everything in life can be planned, perhaps nothing more than pregnancy.
Something the OP's SIL should have taken into consideration, rather than taking things so personally.
Even so, seeing the OP's fiancé race to his sister's defense, and not hers, one has to wonder if maybe their engagement is, in fact, good news...
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