Woman Shamed By Fiancé's Parents About Her Toy Collection Being 'Red Flag' For 'Future Parenting'

If a person cannot love you in all of your parts and in all of your quirks, you probably shouldn't marry them.

You definitely shouldn't have children with them, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.

Redditor Important_Umpire1224 enjoyed having a variety of collections and was beyond thrilled when she was able to dedicate a room in her home to displaying her collections instead of storing them in boxes.

When her future mother-in-law criticized her collection and said she was too 'immature' to get married and have children of her own, the Original Poster (OP) was deeply hurt, but that was only made worse when her future husband sided with his mom.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for refusing to 'grow up' and clear out my collection after my fiancé’s parents called my room a 'red flag for future parenting'?"

The OP was a dedicated collector.

"I (24 Female) have spent years and thousands of dollars curating my 'dream room.'"

"It’s filled with my manga collection, plushies, and limited-edition figurines."

"It’s my sanctuary and where I do my creative work."

The OP's future mother-in-law was critical of the OP's collection.

"My fiancé (27 Male) and I are planning to move into a larger house next month."

"Last weekend, his parents came over to help us start packing. When his mother saw my room, she went silent."

"Later that night, she told my fiancé (within my earshot) that my 'obsession with toys' was a 'major red flag.' She said that she’s worried I’m too immature to handle 'real adult responsibilities' or to raise children one day."

What really hurt the OP was that her partner did not defend her passions.

"The big issue is that my fiancé didn't defend me."

"In fact, he sat me down later and said his parents 'have a point.'"

"He told me that for us to move forward, I need to sell 80% of my collection because 'an adult home shouldn't look like a toy store.'"

"I told him that if he’s marrying me, he’s marrying the person who loves this aesthetic, and I’m not gutting my personality to please his judgmental parents."

"He’s now saying I’m 'choosing plastic over our future' and that I'm being 'manic' about 'some toys.'"

"I’ve been crying for two days, and I’m considering calling off the move entirely."

"Am I overreacting, or is he trying to erase who I am before we even get married?"

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some reassured the OP that this was a key part of her identity, and if her fiancé couldn't embrace that, they really shouldn't get married and have children.

"NOR. This is a core part of you, and I’d argue that being playful is a huge part of parenting (I’m a mom of two)."

"Also, the budgeting that you had to do to be able to pay your bills and build this room speaks to your 'adult' responsibility."

"Men think it’s fine to have collections of sports memorabilia and deer heads on the walls. But your own creative studio filled with things that make you happy is childish."

"It’s such a double standard. But I wouldn’t marry anyone who didn’t let me be me in the full capacity." - Stonedagemj

"The boyfriend just showed OP who HE is. And it isn't someone who really loves OP. On top of that, he just showed OP that MOM AND DAD come BEFORE OP. I wouldn't move forward with any aspect of this relationship." - Used_Clock_4627

"NOR. Your boyfriend is not defending you? Huge red flag. Personally, I would suggest that you have a serious talk with him. He either defends you, or he’s out the door."

"Does he collect Pokémon, or play online games with friends? Does he have a collection of Lego Star Wars things, anything like that? Does he spend lots of time and/or money on hunting, or some other activity? How about online gambling?"

"How are any of those things more acceptable than your plushies, limited edition figurines, and manga collection? If your things make you happy, and it’s important to you, let him know this. If he can’t accept it, then both of you should stop the relationship. Don’t let him take your fun away." - Specialist-Jello7544

"I gave up painting and art for 27 years because my husband did virtually nothing with childcare and household, while we both worked. He didn’t like me doing artwork, and had many excuses. I was a fool and gave up my love. You deserve your interests and hobbies."

"This may be a red flag if you are not supported on this. NOR." - Feeling-Fab-U-Lus

"My husband and I just bought a house, and he finally has his own office. He's 47 and has had a collection of Star Wars memorabilia and toys since he was a kid, that he never really had a place to display."

"I encouraged him to set them all up in his office and even picked out a new shelf for him to put them on. He's so happy to finally be able to show them off and see them every day."

"My thing is collecting nail polish, and he's helping me fix up the downstairs room so I can put my collection there along with my sewing and craft supplies."

"If you love someone, you love all of them, even the silly parts, and you encourage them to be themselves. Not hide the 'childish' parts." - ShotsAndCleavage

Others agreed and were concerned that this was an early sign of controlling behavior and the future husband stealing the OP's spark.

"She's been an adult for years. This is how men reduce your self-worth in relationships."

"OP, you're never going to be good enough for their son. His parents will always have a place in your relationship. He says you need to get rid of 80% of your stuff, but after that, he'll slowly make you get rid of all of it."

"Things will get damaged in the move because he doesn't care about them. He'll knock things over or spill drinks on them. Someone mentions they like something you have, and he'll insist you give it to them, hounding you until you do. Bit by bit, he will erase the things that reflect your personality."

"I've seen this play out with my aunt and uncle. She was a free-spirited creative type. He insisted she give away the heirloom items that had been left to her by her family because they 'didn't have room for it.' He would give away or throw away creative pieces she'd made."

"He took over her workshop with his own projects until she just stopped trying to use her workspace. She was so depressed that she started abusing pills. She's now had a stroke, and he immediately painted the interior of their house white while she was in the hospital. She had painstakingly restored their kitchen and painted murals throughout their house. He painted over all of it."

"Don't move in with this man. He'll coerce you into reducing yourself, making your existence smaller and smaller until everything you wear, say, and do is just a reflection of him and his wants."

"I went to visit her not too long ago, and she was sitting outside in a little patio area under the trees. She asked if I had any pictures of the house before, because she couldn't remember what it used to look like."

"When it was time to go, I said I'd bring her some plants we'd talked about. She just hugged me and said, 'Honey, I won't be here.' She's going to die soon, and she knows it. 30 years of him dimming her light and sucking the life from her. I'm so angry for her. Please don't let him and his family do that to you, too." - FormidableMistress

"He's not asking you to grow up. He's asking you to shrink so his parents feel comfortable. That's not a partnership; that's a preview. Keep the plushies, and lose the fiancé." - myss_kora

"More red flags here than a used car lot. At least your so-called fiancé and his parents are showing their true colours before you can't back out. Cancel the moving vans, ditch the asshole, and tell his parents to go suck a lemon. NOR." - TararaBoomDA

"Listen hard, OP. This happened to me. It took me 20 years to get out and just like OP, I started by telling myself that naybe 'he was right' and that I was overreacting. When I stood up for the parts of myself that I felt were essential to who I was, he degraded them to objects and told me that I was 'choosing' [object] over my future with him, just like her fiancé is humiliating her by saying she's choosing 'pieces of plastic' over their life together."

"He obviously knows that's not the choice on the table. The real choice is between holding on to her identity and letting him mold her into the person he wants her to be. What he's really telling her in this scenario is that he wants a wife, but not necessarily her as a wife. If he wanted her, he'd be celebrating that part of her, not culling it and disparaging it by reducing it to an obsession with plastic as though she were an infant."

"Here's just a snapshot out of 20 years of suffering and erasure. My late husband and I met in college. I loved wearing t-shirts with funny pictures on them and jeans. When we started dating, he told me he thought I should dress more 'grown up and trendy,' so I did."

"We were both English majors, one year apart. We got the same degree and graduated summa cum laude. We were both at the top of our programs. We were both high school teachers. We both taught advanced classes. We both earned our Master's degrees at the same school in the same classes."

"I outperformed him. I earned the English department award for our graduating class. The day of the ceremony, he started a huge fight with me because I hadn't had time to do the laundry while preparing for the defense of my thesis, and the socks he wanted to wear weren't clean. He told me that winning the award didn't mean s**t if I wasn't smart enough to budget time to get basic tasks done."

"A few years later, when we moved into our house, we had floor-to-ceiling bookshelves built to create a library in our living room. I was so excited to put all of my annotated books that I had studied in college and graduate school on the shelves. He wouldn't allow me to, because he said there was no need for 'doubles': he had the same annotated texts. He put all of his copies on the shelves. Mine went upstairs in the closet in his office, where I could get them 'if I needed them.' Otherwise, I could just read his notes, since they were better anyway."

"I wasn't allowed to put up pictures of my family in our house, because then it wouldn't be 'our' house; it would be like 'I' was taking over. If I wanted to see pictures of my family, I could have an album, which could stay in the basement. He hated the Holidays, but I was allowed to have a Christmas tree... which had to come down the day after... which was my birthday. I was absolutely commanded to send out Christmas cards to all of his friends so that he didn't look like an a**hole, though."

"It's just a tiny, tiny bit of a snapshot, but it all started with him saying, 'Those t-shirts aren't really the style anymore. Let me take you shopping; we'll pick out some trendy clothes for you,' which led the way to everything else." - Prudent_Attorney_427

"OP, please listen to the people who have experienced this. You need to take them seriously and understand the warning is for your future. You like who you are now, and he is saying he has a problem with that. You're NOR." - Suddenly_Karma

"Maybe you should remove him from your collection and keep all the fun stuff. You don’t have to get all stodgy and serious when you have kids. Of course, there’s a time for work and a time for play, but you seem like you know the difference. He and his mother sound like soggy old wet dog blankets…" - No-Cupcake-7930

As the subReddit pointed out, this would only be the beginning of the ways in which the OP would be expected to minimize her collection and dim her light in order to make her future husband and his family happy, if she chose to move forward with them.

It sounded like this was the OP's home or rental, so she was honestly better off staying there and maintaining her collection and a future that she could curate for herself. The boyfriend could move into whatever other house he wanted and have the life that he and his parents deemed 'appropriate' and 'mature' enough.