As of 2026, 39% to 42% of marriages are expected to end in divorce in the United States. Approximately 64% of divorced American women and 68% of divorced men eventually remarry.
Many of those second, third (or more) marriages include children for at least one member of the couple. So what, if any role should kids have in the wedding?
The answer varies from none to kids walking a parent down the aisle, being a part of the wedding party, or even officiating.
A teenage daughter who knew the part she wanted but didn't get it turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Greedy-Mail-7080 asked:
"AITA for not going to my dad's wedding since it's just a stupid party?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My dad is getting remarried. I (15, female) assumed I'd be a bridesmaid or junior bridesmaid but apparently my new stepmom doesn't want any kids in her wedding party."
"My cousin was maid of honor in her dad's wedding, but my stepmom doesn't want me anywhere near her."
"Dad said I can be his bestwoman but I don't want to match clothes with men. I wanted to wear bridesmaid clothes."
"I told my dad who told his girlfriend who still refused to make me a bridesmaid."
"Dad told me to drop it and it's just a 'stupid party' and I should just let it go and get over the fact that I can't be in her wedding party."
"I told him since it's just a stupid party, I won't attend. It's on my mom's custody time, so I don't have to go anyway."
"He thinks I'm an a**hole for not supporting him."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
While there was some debate in the comments about bowing to the OP's demands because they're "just a child," the majority of Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
"I think YTA."
"This isn’t your wedding. You don’t get to decide the bridal party, and 'I wanted to wear a bridesmaid dress' isn’t a reason someone has to change their vision for their own wedding. Plenty of brides have adults-only wedding parties, and that isn’t automatically a slight against their future stepchildren."
"Your dad even tried to find another meaningful role for you by asking you to stand with him. Instead of seeing that as him wanting you beside him, you rejected it because you didn’t want to match the men."
"Then, after your dad said 'It’s just a party' you threw that phrase back at him and decided not to attend at all. That doesn’t punish your future stepmom—it hurts your relationship with your dad."
"You’re 15, so it’s understandable that your feelings are hurt. Those feelings are valid. But being disappointed doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a specific role in someone else’s wedding. Sometimes supporting the people we love means celebrating their day, even when it isn’t exactly how we pictured it." ~ Optimistic-Emu
"Super unreasonable to make the stepmom not able to enjoy her bridesmaid time with her friends the way she wants to accommodate a 15-year-oldc."
"Everyone crying in the comments is either a 16-year-old girl who hates their own stepmom or is someone who has never been a part of a bridal party or a wedding or doesn’t have kids. The bride deserves to have her day with her closest friends where she can be herself and not be in mom mode or censor her behavior because a child who clearly doesn't like her is present." ~ witcher252
"She has been included—she was offered to stand up with her father, but she's mad because she wanted to wear a bridesmaid-style dress. She can easily wear a dress while standing with her father. The stepmother didn't say she was unwelcome, just that stepmother didn't want kids in her bridesmaid party. OP is throwing a fit over a dress, when she can still buy a bridesmaid-style dress for her dad." ~ rastagrrl
"YTA if your only reason is that you’re not in the wedding party. Go and support your dad." ~ purlawhirl
"Respectfully, OP sounds kind of annoying. I could see her making much of the day about herself. This might be the bride’s concern." ~ heythatsmywifi
"I’m not sure how people are having this much difficult understanding the concept here. YTA."
"Dad offered opportunity to be included. OP rejected it because she didn't get her way. Therefore willfully refusing to participate in the wedding. How is this even being debated?" ~ Resident-Dog745
"Exactly and these are the same people who would be upset at the stepparent if they did even the slightest parenting (or even just had rules in their house) because ThEy ArEN’t ThE pArEnT." ~ nothappening111181
"Not being in the wedding party itself does not mean OP wasn't invited at all. OP is making her dad and step-mom's wedding about her rather than celebrating the two of them." ~ TechnoMouse37
"The dad asked her to be his best woman, which is one of the two most important members of the wedding party. The stepmom didn’t say she couldn’t wear a bridesmaid dress as best woman, OP just didn’t like the idea of that role. I don’t see how the stepmom is excluding OP just because she isn’t giving in to her demand to be a bridesmaid." ~ Excellent-Run4803
"Except she didn't ask to be in the wedding party because it was important to her to share this moment or anything like that. It's about the damn dress. YTA." ~ panda_pandora
"She's 15. There is a good chance we're getting a hormonal unreliable narrator, and stepmom isn't a Disney villain." ~ PutridPut9971
"Does OP accept her stepmum? It doesn't sound like she's close enough to speak to stepmum. Paraphrasing from her post: 'Apparently stepmum doesn't want kids in the bridal party', 'I told my dad who spoke to his girlfriend'."
"Sounds more like OP just wants to be a bridesmaid and is throwing a tantrum because she was told no. Maybe that's the reason stepmum doesn't want her as a bridesmaid."
"She even got offered to stand up for her father and turned it down because of the attire. So not anything about wanting to support her dad, just wanted to have everyone bow to her whims and to get the pretty dress." ~ Aethermist88
"YTA. You will regret it if you do not go. Show up for your dad and support him." ~ notreallysurewhat
"But OP has been offered the Best Woman role—1000% included in the ceremony and would be heavily involved."
"OP's only complaint is that she has to wear similar colours to the men? But still in a fancy dress? Sounds like everything she could reasonably expect, therefore this is a standard tantrum you expect of a 15-year-old." ~ badpebble
"I can understand wanting to be part of the wedding party if your parent is getting remarried, but no one is entitled to being in the party. The couple getting married gets to decide. I know you might be hurt by their decision, but in this situation, YTA." ~ AltruisticTour5827
"YTA. Dude, teenager to teenager, you are whiny AF. I know you are only 15, but WTF? Get it together. Go support your dad. Ask him to wear a dress that matches the groomsmen colors."
"You want to be petty about a dress and not getting what you wanted in someone else's wedding, buy this will hurt your dad’s feelings for a very long time if you don’t go. You cannot force his wife to include you as a bridesmaid."
"It definitely sucks because she could be trying to make you feel welcome. But if she isn’t agreeing to your demands, then make the best of it. Your dad is the person that matters. Be his best woman and ask to wear a dress in matching colors. It shouldn’t be a problem." ~ Electrical_Chip_337
"I’m not going to lie and say I don’t think this 15-year-old isn’t being a bit of a snot, but I also understand that she’s a teenager, she is feeling hurt, and the alternative presented is not an equivalent to what she wanted. Dad either needs to tell her she can wear a dress like the bridesmaids or they need to find a different role entirely. They all also need some family therapy, but that’s a different story." ~ Autistic_Briar_Rose
"The people claiming, 'She’s being excluded! It’s mean!'. Y’all are so entitled it’s actually exhausting."
"As a 16-year-old, even I can recognize OP is being petty af. I wouldn’t want her in my wedding party either, especially if she’s under the impression that I owe her executive decision-making power."
"Stepmom set a boundary; the choices are to respect that boundary or risk being a massive entitled brat, which is what OP chose. It’s not that complicated."
"As somebody whose parents were remarried, nobody offered nor asked us kids to be part of the wedding party. Of five step-siblings, with a collection of eclectic personalities, not one of us felt entitled to our parents' day.
"Unlike OP, we made no demands, had no ultimatums. We attended, and enjoyed ourselves, and our love was not made blatantly conditional."
"Frankly, the implication that my parents were not suited for parenthood because they didn’t make their wedding day about us is deeply insulting and equally childish." ~ LSRNKB
OP may not have gotten the answer they wanted, but maybe a dose of reality is what they needed.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp