There is no doubt that weddings are expensive.
Hence why many couples look for any possible way they can to cut the costs when possible.
Sometimes relying on family members to help them out.
While many family members are ready and willing to help out, others are a bit less excited by the prospect.
Redditor Weddin_Swordfish4030 had recently started a successful business.
A business frequently used for weddings.
With this in mind, the original poster (OP)'s future daughter-in-law [DIL] hoped that they might be one of the vendors at her upcoming wedding.
An offer the OP felt forced to decline.
Wondering if they were doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to do my business at my future DILS and daughter's wedding?"
The OP explained why they were not eager to make their future DIL a client:
'I was a stay-at-home parent for many years and only started to go back to work the past few years."
"I made my own business and have carts that dish out desserts and toppings at events."
'The business is overall good, and I am proud to say I have 3 full-time employees now business is going well and probably will expand more) and multiple part-time."
"We even have our own office/ bakery area."
"My main stuff is getting hired for weddings, graduation parties, or birthdays."
"The issue is my DIL wants me to do this at their wedding."
"She wishes to have a semi-large wedding, so I would need all my employees to work it, and I would have to work it."
"She said she would pay, but I don’t want to work on the wedding day."
"I informed her that I won’t be doing it and explained that I don’t wish to work on their wedding day."
"She is upset and pointed out that I have done this for other people in the family."
"Those have been one graduation party for my niece and a 4-year-old's birthday party."
"She is spreading it to the rest of the family, and everyone seems to have their own opinions on the situation."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to work at their daughter and DIL's wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP should not have to worry about missing important moments at their daughter's wedding by working, and their DIL should understand this:
"NTA."
"You deserve to be fully present for your child's wedding, not worried about work."- SelinaRochell22
"NTA."
"Talk to your daughter."
"I wouldn't want my mother to work on my wedding day."- OkCelery6356
"She really just doesn't get how big of an ask this is, paid or not, which is why you're NTA."
"Traditionally, parents of the couple are meant to have some sort of honorary role, helping get ready, escorting down the aisle, fixing wardrobe malfunctions (my mom sent an aunt flying to the store after my husband forgot a belt) and also taking part in photos, taking part in hosting guests (that they may not have seen in years depending on the family) and are genuinely busy."
"Even in dysfunctional situations, there's still some expectation of entertaining family."
"My MIL had very little to do with our wedding."
"If you have to work it'll affect photos and any conversation with family members."
"Even if you find someone to cover for you, there's a possibility that something could go wrong, and guess who will feel compelled to fix it?"
"You know what you are able to handle, and handling a wedding as a parent and dessert staff is more than you feel comfortable with."
'She is asking too much and turning the family on you like this is a red flag for the future."- Floating-CynicNTA
"Have your son deal with this."
"He should not want his mom acting like an employee at his wedding."- Used_Mark_7911
"NTA."
"Is this something you could offer to instead do at a smaller event like the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner?"- emilouwho687
"NTA."
"You can take any business you like and refuse business you don’t want."
"I’m a musician, and if folks want me to perform at their weddings or other parties, I can say yes or no no as I please."
"If I am a guest at said party, I rarely want to get up and perform."
"It usually means I can’t join the crowd until the performance is done."- Individual_You_6586
"NTA."
"Completely reasonable to want to be fully present for your kid's wedding."
"It's sweet that DIL wanted your company to be involved, but she's the a**hole for gossiping about this with the rest of the family."
"Also, based on the title, I assumed this was about needing to poop at a wedding in the future and publicly refusing to do so."
"Brain is cooked."- magic_snail1888
"Can you rope in a temporary employee or two so you don't have to work?"
"But NTA anyway."- Lucky_Rate2282
"NTA."
"'So you don't want to invite me to celebrate your wedding and instead want me to go to work? Isn't it more customary for a parent to enjoy a place of honor at the reception?'"- andrewse
"NTA."
"No is a complete sentence."
"She needs to accept that."- Bansidhe13
"NTA."
"Anyone saying to bring in extra people and not work might not be small business owners, and don’t understand that even if you’re not physically working, your work brain won’t turn off."
"You’ll surreptitiously watch your employees if only to be able to identify what to praise post-event."
"You’ll keep an eye on topping amounts in the carts, and itch to grab a refill so the server won’t have to."
"You can’t help this, it’s second nature."
"Your child deserves your full attention on his day, and you need the time to relax and celebrate."
"Perhaps gently explaining the fact that as an owner, it isn’t so easy turning off that part of your mind could help."-Mundane_Wombat_2446
"NTA."
"Asking family to work your wedding isn’t wrong per se, but she should absolutely respect your answer and move on."-Rainierstranger
"NTA."
"She's the a-hole for even asking you to not be fully present at your child's wedding, let alone arguing when you said no."
"I don't like that she doesn't see how that's a bigger deal than other family members."- Mother_Cloud_2455
"NTA."
"You deserve to attend your daughter’s wedding, not be their servant."- ChaoticCrashy
"My dad is a professional photographer."
"I didn't ask him to shoot my wedding because we wanted him to be present, have fun, enjoy the day and dinner and everything - not be at work seeing everything only through the camera worrying about whether he got the shot."
"I won't lie, 'maybe we won't have to pay for a photographer' did cross my mind briefly, but we wanted my dad to be in the photos not taking them."
"NTA."- szthesquid
"NTA."
"Perhaps as a compromise you could offer to have your employees do the dessert for the rehearsal dinner, or the bridal shower?"
"As a parent, you should not be expected to work at any of the wedding events."- Professional-Sign510
"Once you said no she should have stopped demanding you do it."
"Once you explained why you can’t do it - you simply don’t have enough staff so you can’t do it - she should have stopped demanding it."
"The answer is simple."
"Apparently this is so important to her that it will just ruin the wedding to have to plan anything else, and she is so desperate to have it that she is willing to destroy her relationship with her future MIL because this is the most necessary thing she has ever demanded; she’s just going to have to reschedule the wedding."
"If she simply moves her wedding to a time of year when OP has sufficient employees available, then the employees can handle it, and OP can attend their own child’s wedding as a guest."
"NTA and future DIL is being ridiculous."- Relatents
"NTA."
"Good to set boundaries now."- Sea-Contact5009
"NTA."
'Once you realize you don't have to entertain anyone's idea about how you live your life, you find a new level of relaxation."
"Let their opinions float away, like leaves in a river."- Parasamgate
"NTA."
'Not wanting to work on the day of this particular wedding is understandable."- Deep-Okra1461
It's unclear if the OP's DIL wants them to work at their wedding as either a cost-cutting measure or because she loves their work.
Either way, she didn't take into account the fact that the OP would effectively be missing the wedding because they would be too busy working.
If she can't understand this, one can't help but worry about other selfish decisions she will make in the future.
