Redditor Balks When Mom Demands $300 Monthly From Her Three Kids For Her Retirement Fund

Taking care of one's parents can be a special passage of life.

Elderly parents may need assistance.

That is just the way it is.

It is also a full circle part of life.

But every adult child can only do so much.

Redditor BuntonioBunderas wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"AITA If I refuse to give my Mom money every month?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My mom wants all three of us, M[ale], F[emale], F, in our 30s to give her $300 a month each."

"She said this is for her retirement and that this is our duty."

"I would be fine with this if she had no income, but she has multiple properties she rents out that earn more than we do every month."

"All three of us don’t live at home and have children to take care of."

"My sisters are both stay-at-home moms."

"Their husbands will be the ones to pay this."

"Here is some of our conversation..."

"I asked if she gives her parents money every month, and she said no, but she has given money to them before."

"I told her we are all raising kids, paying rent, and the economy is terrible."

"Her response was, '$300 is not much.'"

"The average worker here earns $1000 a month."

"I told her I would never tax my kids like this while they’re trying to build their lives."

"She responds that it’s our duty as her children."

"To try and be non-biased, she did spend a lot of money sending us to private school."

"In return, I have a decent job that earns me more than the average."

"I feel like this is just pure greed."

The OP was left to wonder:

"Would I be the a**hole for refusing?

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.

"NTA. A $3600 a year tax just for her to be a part of your life?"

"Put it in a savings account and let her know that you will pay her funeral expenses with it." ~ rp55395

"NTA. HELL no."

"Her retirement is her own responsibility."

"All the money she spent on your CHILDHOOD was also her responsibility."

"Nope nope nope." ~ Flat-Replacement4828

"Exactly this, she chose to put you in private school, and while that may have benefitted you greatly, her responsibility to put you in school didn’t have to cost so much, but that was her choice."

"I would not be giving my mother money."

"I also agree... that if you really want to, put it into savings and let her know you’ll pay her funeral expenses." ~ tashiedgaf

"NTA. She chose to have children, and she made the choice to send you to private school."

"Similarly, you can’t give someone $100 for their birthday and then come back 10 years later saying it was a loan and you owe me that money + interest."

"Unless an agreement has been made beforehand, you cannot claim duty or responsibility for any kind of arrangement."

"She does not have the right to decide what your money should go to." ~ SeveralMarionberry42

"NTA. That $300 a month?"

"You should be putting that toward your own retirement, not hers!" ~ MakeYourPoint23

"100 percent this."

"She knows how money works, and she is doing fine."

"Now you should go make your money work for you (and keep in mind the phrase 'the magic of compound growth' every time you make a deposit to your savings or investment account)."

"You don’t owe your mother your future retirement." ~ flovarian

"Your mum isn't starving."

"She has rental income."

"That is her retirement."

"What she wants is a lavish retirement."

"You don't owe her a lavish retirement."

"You owe yourself a good life.

"NTA." ~ ambientfruit

"Your mom makes more than you?"

"Yeah, if she doesn’t need it, then I wouldn’t send it, not when you have kids."

"And her spending money to send you to private school has nothing to do with you owing her now."

"She did what she thought was best for her children."

"Note that I’m from the US."

"Other cultures are different."

"NTA." ~ BowTrek

"I stopped reading after the first paragraph."

"NTA. Your mother should have planned her own retirement."

"It’s not your duty to give her a dime unless YOU want to." ~ Competitive-Fox3556

"NTA. But be prepared for this to cause rifts in your family."

"Not just between you and your mom, but potentially between you and your siblings."

"How do they feel about this 'duty?''"

"Frankly, it sounds ridiculous on the face of it, but I don’t know if there are any cultural underpinnings to her request."

"That wouldn’t change my judgment, though—asking each of you for 30% of the average worker’s monthly income each, while also earning other passive income, smells of greed and a power play, to me." ~ Rayearth_XIII

"NTA, why on earth is her retirement your responsibility?"

"It is pure greed, and if she tries to hold that over you, then she’s putting money before a relationship with her children." ~ CommercialQueasy538

"NTA. You guys don’t live with her."

"It’s not your job to fund her retirement."

"She’s obviously not awful with money if she has multiple properties, so I’m just as confused as to why she asked for that."

"Let’s clear this one up- she chose to send you to private school."

"You were a child and had no say; you don’t owe her anything. Do you know what they call a doctor who graduated from public school? Doctor."

"Your school didn’t give you the drive to achieve vocational success; that was all you."

"Maybe it helped with networking, but you put in the work."

"I think this is a 'sibling talk' moment."

"Try to figure out what’s going on. Is this her passive-aggressive way of saying you guys don’t visit enough?"

"Is she in financial trouble you don’t know about?"

"When you guys decide what to say, talk to your mom as a group, in person."

"Check in with her."

"Be curious, not defensive."

"Stay calm and don’t engage in a back-and-forth."

"I’m so curious as to what her motive is behind this wild request." ~ Potential_Shoe1068

"Absolutely NTA."

"Your culture may be different than mine, but your mother sounds like a selfish person."

"You don't owe her for creating you."

"There is no reasonable explanation for you paying her monthly just because?"

"I'm guessing she doesn't get your kids anything for their birthday and insists you pay for shared meals." ~ MinimumDangerous9895

"NTA. She doesn’t need your money, and you do."

"How she chose to spend her money on your care when you were her dependent isn’t a factor here."

"You don’t owe her for how she raised you."

"You were a child; you’re not now responsible for her actions just because they benefited you."

"It doesn’t matter if you asked for the private school."

"You were a child."

"Children can’t be held accountable like that."

"You can be grateful and express gratitude, but financial recompense isn’t appropriate." ~ eweinthewilderness

"NTA. Honestly, I wish my mother would take money from me."

"She reads this subreddit too, so if she happens to see this, hi mom! I don’t care if you ever pay me back!"

" I make more than I need, and I know she could use it."

"She makes do, but still."

"But that’s not your circumstance."

"You have a mother demanding the funds from all children who make more than you."

"That’s ridiculous."

"I’d not want to be playing with that either."

"And honestly, even if not, you’d still not be the A; to be clear, it doesn’t matter why you want to say no, it’s your money, and you’ll never be the A for not wanting to give it anyone, for any reason at all." ~ joelene1892

"NTA, but I would maybe have an earnest conversation with your mother about why she needs this money?"

"She may have dug herself a hole she is struggling to get out of, and this is a ham-fisted way of asking for help." ~ haven700

"She makes more than you and thinks you need to give her money?"

"While you’re trying to raise your own families?"

"Absolutely NTA."

"I’m all for not letting your elderly parents starve, and for paying your share if you live with them, but it sounds like she wants to live the good life while straining her children’s budgets and possibly making her grandchildren do without extras." ~ tnscatterbrain

"NTA. She doesn't need the extra money from what you're saying."

"My parents don't earn anything and would never ask any of us for money."

"I do give it anyway, as I do reasonably well for myself, even when my mum said it wasn't necessary."

"Sending you to private school was her choice, not yours, and you don't 'owe' her for it."

"You haven't done well necessarily because you went either."

"I didn't go, and I've done pretty well." ~ Nice_Literature6157

"NTA. No is a full sentence."

"What is she going to do if you refuse?"

"If she’s got multiple properties, she has the means to fund her own retirement."

"As a mother, she should want to see you all be able to prosper instead of hurting you to benefit herself."

" Either way, it sounds really hard, and I'm sorry your mum is treating you like an investment portfolio."

"It’s shameful." ~ dohbriste

OP came back to chat...

"We are Asians, so it’s expected of us."

"The problem for me is we each have 2 parents plus 2 in-laws, and she’s the only one asking for it."

"Our father isn’t asking for anything, but he does have retirement."

"My mom does not."

"I couldn’t imagine if I had to send $300 each to 4 parents."

Reddit understands your feelings, OP.

$300 a month is a lot of money.

She is going to have to figure this out for herself.

Stay strong and good luck.