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Redditor Scoffs After Mom Demands $15k To Help Pay For Dream Wedding To Rude Fiancé

Portrait of senior bride with bouquet on seashore.

Weddings are amazing.

But those price tags can become astronomical.

Some happy couples turn to their loved ones for help.

Many parents have paid for generations.

But are children expected to chip in?

Case in point…

Redditor amreddit200 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for refusing to give my Mom money for her wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My Mom is 56 and her Fiancée is 59. I’m 29, and my Brother is 19.”

“My Father is 54, for anyone wondering.”

“About four months ago, my Mom got engaged to her Fiancée (fake name) Joseph.”

“Joseph is a fairly nice guy, but we do have different takes on a lot of differing topics like politics (which I try not to judge someone on), behaviors, and appropriate boundaries.”

“By appropriate boundaries, I mean calling before coming to see me and my family and not making controversial jokes.”

“One joke he likes to make a lot is how I’m a gold digger because my husband is the breadwinner and makes over double my income.”

“At first, I tried to brush it off and privately texted him and my mom about why I didn’t appreciate these jokes, especially in front of family.”

“Now before anyone thinks I’m actually a gold digger, my husband actually made less than me when we met.”

“Joseph understood over text but continued to make some of the same jokes.”

“I just tried to move on and continue to ignore them.”

“Since they got engaged, my mom has been saving money for their wedding.”

“Joseph also has, but not as much as my mom since he says, and I quote ‘weddings are just something to make your wife happy and no husband actually likes them.’”

“I’m not sure how my mom hasn’t seen this as a red flag.”

“Again I ignored it since it’s not my situation.”

“4 months into the engagement (now) my mom messaged me asking ‘Hi Sweetie! You know the weddings coming up, and I was wondering when you were gonna help pay for it?’”

“I was shocked because she didn’t even help pay for me and my husband’s wedding. My dad paid for his part and her part.”

“Also, in my opinion, I don’t think your kid should help pay for your wedding even if they are grown.”

“I responded to her text saying ‘I wasn’t informed I had to help pay. I can maybe buy your cake or something.'”

“But she didn’t take that very well and called me sobbing, saying how she has done everything for me and how I won’t even help her pay for the best day of her life.”

“Sure, if it was a smaller wedding, I might have been able to pay for some of it.”

“But this is a 50k+ wedding.”

“She’s expecting me to pay over 15k.”

“I didn’t want to hear any more of her sobbing, so I hung up.”

“I’m not sure how to feel. On one hand, she’s my mom. On the other, she’s expecting me to pay for a wedding for her and someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries and didn’t even help pay for mine.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. According to your mum’s partner, you’re a ‘gold digger’ who doesn’t earn enough to pay your way in your own marriage, so that should be enough of a reason not to pay for theirs.”  ~ Yikes44

“Even more funny/ironic when he can’t even be bothered to pay his fair share of the wedding. NTA.” ~ Melabeille

“I agree. And as someone who is married, weddings are a luxury, not a necessity in my opinion.”

“And it’s been shown that the more money someone spends on a wedding, the more likely they are to divorce.”

“And my wedding cost less than 10K.”  ~ titaniac79

“Congratulations!!! OP, if your mother can’t afford her wedding, she should scale it down.”

“There’s no reason to spend 50k, which can easily go to a decent deposit for a house on a wedding, especially if you can’t afford it!”

“I mean, who is she inviting?? The whole town??”

“OP, Don’t let her guilt trip you into paying 15k for a wedding that involves a rude guy who doesn’t understand boundaries and a woman who could spare a $1 for your wedding.”

“She should have been grateful that you offered to pay for the cake. NTA.” ~ Apart_Foundation1702

“NTA. We had 2 weddings/receptions for cultural reasons and a honeymoon.”

“It cost 20k all in.”

“We saved for two years, though.”

“We’ve been married for almost 21 years.”

“I don’t think it’s about how much you spend; I think the defining issue is how you and your partner treat each other and your family, friends, and vendors during the planning and event itself.” ~ username-generica

“OP, I absolutely wouldn’t pay her a penny.”

“She didn’t pay for your wedding.”

“And she should be planning a wedding SHE can afford, typically with her partner’s help, but she’s accepted this man, so she needs to deal with him not wanting to pay for much.”

“None of this is your responsibility.” ~ crystallz2000

“NTA – maybe her gold digger fiance can pony up some money.”

“Honestly, is your mom for real???”

“If she can’t afford to pay for her wedding, then she shouldn’t have such an expensive wedding.” ~ Altruistic_Isopod_11

“Exactly. I’ve never gotten the expensive wedding thing.”

“Neither has my wife.”

“We CAN afford a $50k wedding, but had no desire to spend that on a one-day event.”

“We basically did what we do for client appreciation day.”

“We hosted, did self-uniting vows (we’re in Pennsylvania), and hosted a nice dinner at a nice restaurant.”

“Our big splurge was my wife’s ring, which we had zero problem paying almost $2k for.”

“The rest of the wedding, alcohol included, was maybe $1k.” ~ swissmtndog398

“Yup. Then adding in the ‘after everything I’ve done for you,’ I’m sorry it was your choice to be a parent and take on the responsibility and all that entails. Parents are not owed anything from their children.”

“You don’t get a reward for doing your job.”

“Her mom didn’t contribute to her wedding, has allowed her fiancee to belittle and mock her, and then has the audacity to ask her for money.”

“Please, she needs to tell her mom she’ll write her a check for the exact same amount her mom provided for her wedding.”

“Just because her mom wants to ignore the Soviet levels of red flags about her fiancee doesn’t mean her daughter has to. NTA.” ~ AGirlHasNoGame_

“NTA – Your mother dumping her expectation of you paying for her wedding on you is wrong a million times over.”

“Plus, she waited until the last minute to inform you, not ask.”

“The $15,000 she wants is a lot of money.”

“Your mom marrying a man who does not respect you and ignores your requests to stop is not someone you want around you and your family.”

“This is just another story of a weak woman putting a bad man above her family.”

“Don’t give Mom a penny for her wedding.”

“Stand your ground OP!” ~ sunset-tx-armadillo

“NTA. It’s not a child’s responsibility to pay for the parent’s wedding.”

“In this day in age, it shouldn’t be anyone’s responsibility to pay for a wedding except the bride and groom.”

“Their marriage, their party, their bill.”

“If people are generous enough to help, that’s great.”

“Never expected or asked of someone, though.” ~ PlentyHopeful263

“NTA. I find it kind of odd, to be honest.”

“Maybe offering to pay for something as you and your husband’s gift, such as the cake like you said, would be a nice gesture, but I don’t see how you should even be obligated to do that.”

“And 50k plus for a 2nd wedding, actually any wedding, is a heck of a lot of money.”

“If your mum has a sister or cousin or such she is close to? Perhaps you could have a chat with her about suggesting to your mother things should be smaller.” ~ hepburn17

“Tell her you will give her the same amount she gave for your wedding, aka ‘the best moment of your life.'”

“Plus, you are a ‘gold digger,’ so it’s not really your money to give away.

“She really should have chosen a better fiance. NTA.” ~ ExpressionMundane244

“NTA… It’s super weird to expect your kids to pay $15k for your second wedding even if your husband-to-be isn’t an a**hole.”

“And that she just called you like it was a given is also odd.”

“Can’t help but wonder if her fiance put the idea in her head that her kids should be helping to pay, given how charming he’s been in general when it comes to personal finance.” ~ CapoExplains

“NTA. She is being manipulative and ridiculous.”

“Children, even financially stable adult children, are not expected to pay for their parent’s weddings in any society I’ve ever heard of.”

“Particularly 50K second weddings.”

“Add in the fact that she paid nothing towards your own wedding and her refusal to accept no for an answer. Her behavior is little more than an emotional shake-down.”

“Tell her you will not be giving her any money and that the discussion is closed.”

“If she persists, put her in time out until she is willing to drop it.” ~ VariousTry4624

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

Children paying for their parent’s wedding is kind of unheard of.

Don’t let your boundaries be broken.

Good luck.