When soon-to-be married couples start planning a wedding, they generally have a rough idea of who they are planning to invite.
Sometimes this list is affected by what their venue allows, unexpectedly giving them the option of adding more people or forcing them to trim their list down.
As relationships are ever evolving, sometimes the passage of time might also change who does and doesn't make the guest list.
Redditor InternationalFig2829 was in the process of planning their wedding.
As was the case with most engaged couples, the original poster (OP) and their fiancé were slowly starting to factor in costs, leading them to make some necessary cuts.
Cuts that included the OP's best friends.
Wondering if it would be wrong to go through with this, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not inviting my best friends to my wedding?"
The OP explained why they were planning on leaving her best friends off their wedding guest lists:
"My best friends for 20+ years, are now a married couple."
"The 3 of us have been through hell together."
"I really do love them, and aside from everything that follows, they are good friends."
"They have a consistent knack for bailing on big plans that I plan specifically. Idk why."
"To be clear, before I invite them to anything I always ask if they'd even be interested."
"They almost always say yes."
"They've bailed on concerts and sporting events where I'd already paid for tickets."
"They've bailed on events where I was driving over 2 hours out of my way to pick them up (after I'd already arrived at their house)."
"They've bailed on birthday and holiday parties."
"Sometimes they show up to things, but 8/10 times they bail."
"And it's always for the lamest reason, 'something in the house broke', 'something in the car broke', 'work gave an unexpected weekend project', 'woke up feeling nauseous'."
"Context: 2 Memorial Days ago, I invited these friends to a big sporting event."
"They said they'd love to go, I bought 3 tickets (for $100+ each), and then the morning of, they bailed."
"It was Memorial Day weekend so I couldn't find anyone else to go with me on such short notice, and just went alone."
"Then, last Memorial Day, I was invited as a +1 to join a different friend, at their friends house for a hangout weekend."
"It was a big party, but very apparently a tight-knit group."
"It was tons of fun and I was posting about it on social media."
'My two friends were texting and calling me the whole time complaining about how I didn't invite them and they seemed much more upset than usual."
"One of them even made a big deal about deleting social media and leaving a group chat because they didn't want to see all the fun I was having without them."
"I told them it wasn't even my party and I was the +1 to somebody else and couldn't invite them."
"Months after this party, they kept bringing it up and about how disappointed they were that they weren't invited and I kept telling them I'd try to get them invited this year."
"SO, this year, I had to awkwardly ask my friend if I could ask his friend if I could invite my friends that nobody knew, to his house."
"It was a pretty awkward ask because I don't even know the host."
"But, he said yes as long as I could chip towards food, and I excitedly told my friends."
"Well, today they texted me saying '[one of their] family members unexpectedly decided to travel to see them, and they couldn't come'."
"Cool."
"I've been planning my wedding for a couple months now, and I received this text on the day we were sending out the invitations."
"Like most weddings, we have a limit on how many people we can invite, AND we have to pay per person for food and such."
'So when I got the text, I said f*ck it, and took them off the list so we could invite people who would actually show up."
"Now I'm regretting it realizing that I'll be talking about the wedding with them until it happens."
"I feel like an a**hole, but my spouse said I did the right thing."
"What do you think?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for leaving their best friends off the invite.
Most agreed that this couple didn't really seem like very good friends, effectively losing their spot at the OP's wedding, even if some felt the OP should warn them in advance, and not leave it for them to find out:
"I'm going to say mostly NTA, but you know that if you don't invite them, that's going to cause it's own drama."
"Ask yourself this:"
"If you don't invite them, after you okay with it potentially ending the friendship, out at minimum dealing with their remarks on it indefinitely in the future?"
"If you decide to invite them, are you okay swallowing the cost if they do bail last minute?"
'What are you currently getting out of this friendship?'
"Not what it was when it started out, but today, are they making your life richer, or only adding stress?"- Substantial-Ad-1422
"NTA."
"I don’t even know why you’re still friends with these people, they’ve cost you money as sounds like they don’t pay for things they bail on which if they were good friends they would do."- dazed1984
"NTA, but you may want to consider cutting them off."
"Did they pay you back for the tickets?"
"You seem to put a lot of effort to keep this friendship going, and honestly doesn't seem worth it."
"They got upset with you having fun without them when you have continuously tried to incorporate them into things."
"If they ask about invitations I would just tell them that you were concerned they'd not show up based on prior occasions."- Mortigan_E_Hamate
"NTA, OP those clearly aren’t 'best friends', they mess around with your time, energy and money."
"£100 for tickets is a lot and the fact that they cancel so flippantly on you for things that you put in an effort to invite them to or pay for, is frankly insulting."
"Do yourself a favor and don’t sweat over inviting them to anything again, they clearly don’t want friendship and they are toying with your emotions by manipulating you into inviting them to something they have no business being at."
"I’d understand cancelling a couple of times but if this is consistent, on the day of the event, and costs YOU money, then NO don’t invite them to your wedding."- platinumsplattingem
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t invite them to anything unless they paid me up front for the tickets."- Classic-Delivery3875
"These people are not your best friends and you should stop hanging out with them altogether."
"NTA."- kimness1982
"NTA."
"I know you say you've been through hell with these people, but it's also hell trying to maintain a friendship with someone (let alone a couple) who repeatedly not only bail on you but bail on you and leave you holding the bag (i.e., covering the cost of tickets/plates at your wedding/etc.)."
"It sounds like there are literal years of evidence of them bailing without notice after you're gone out of your way, spent money, etc."
"AND they have the abject gall to act put out when they aren't at an event you yourself were a +1 to?"
"That's not how adults behave."
"That's not how friends act."
"Instead of worrying about how overlooked they'll feel, consider how hurt you'll be if they don't show up to your wedding if you did invite them."
"Because it sounds like the data shows the likelihood is they'd bail on your wedding so worry about how YOU would feel in that most-likely outcome and not how they'll feel."
"It's YOUR day that YOU are paying for."
"So prioritize you and your feelings."
"They don't get to feel hurt and put out when they never seemed to care how you felt when they repeatedly bailed on you and left you to pay for their last-minute cancellations."- PriestessKade
There were some, however, who had a bit more trouble accepting the OP's decision, even if they still agreed that their friends weren't worthy of a place at their wedding:
"ESH."
"They clearly don't want to be friends with you but you keep extending invitations and buying their tickets, knowing you have to eat the cost when they flake?"
"Why?"- Thismarno
The OP sadly seems to be used to wasting a lot of money on these particular friends.
Leaving the possibility wide open that they might do so on the OP's wedding day.
Even so, it might be wise for the OP to discuss this with them before making any decisions.
As doing so could truly put their friendship to the test.
