Anyone who has been assigned the role of the butt-end of family jokes can confirm that not only is the experience not fun, but it can strain their relationships with their families over time.
At some point, the jokes might become too much, and anyone outside the family would understand why the target of the jokes would decide that enough is enough, empathized the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor NorraNaughty had been teased by her family for her entire life, especially by her sister, for being responsible and taking on obligations for the family that no teenager should.
When her sister used her toast at her own wedding to pick on her, the Original Poster (OP) decided she had put up with enough.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my sister’s wedding reception after she made me the butt of a ‘family joke’?”
The OP had always been the responsible one in her family.
“I (25 Female) have always been the ‘responsible one’ in my family.”
“I’ve helped raise my younger siblings, worked two jobs during college, and even financially supported my parents when they hit a rough patch.”
“My older sister, ‘Rachel (30 Female), has always been the family favorite. She’s outgoing, funny, and everyone gravitates toward her. She got married last weekend, and things hit the fan.”
The OP often found Rachel’s “playful” attitude directed at her.
“Rachel has always had this ‘playful’ habit of roasting me at family gatherings.”
“It started with harmless jabs, like calling me ‘Mom Junior,’ because I’d remind everyone to take their meds or clean up after themselves.”
“I laughed it off for years, but at some point, it turned mean-spirited. She started calling me ‘Miss Buzzkill,’ saying I didn’t know how to ‘let loose’ because I preferred reading at home over clubbing.”
The jokes escalated at Rachel’s wedding.
“For the wedding, Rachel asked me to give a toast as her Maid of Honor (MOH).”
“I thought it was a huge honor, so I worked hard on a heartfelt speech about her finding love and the bond we share as sisters.”
“But when it was Rachel’s turn to speak, she thanked those who helped make the wedding happen, and when she turned to me, she gave this whole jokey speech about ‘the woman I’ve always looked up to… as a reminder of what NOT to be.'”
“She then went on to ‘jokingly’ compare me to a 1950s sitcom mom who ‘probably schedules fun time.'”
“Everyone laughed, but I felt humiliated in front of 200 guests. Even my parents were cracking up.”
The OP had enough of the jokes.
“I wanted to keep it together, but after the speeches ended, I quietly excused myself to the bathroom to cry. When I got back, the jokes hadn’t stopped. People at my table were still making comments about me being a ‘buzzkill’ while pouring drinks.”
“I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my purse and left.”
“Since the wedding, Rachel has been blowing up my phone, calling me ‘dramatic’ and saying I ‘ruined her big day’ by storming off.”
“My parents are siding with her, saying it was ‘just a joke’ and I ‘need to loosen up.'”
“I told them I’m done being the family punchline, and now everyone’s calling me selfish for making the wedding about me.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that not only had she not overreacted, she’d actually been graceful.
“NTA. When someone disrespects you as a person, you remove yourself from their presence. You know this wasn’t just poking a little fun, this was downright making you the butt of an ongoing joke.”
“The fact that she would make her speech about you instead of the life in front of her and her new husband is despicable. She can find someone else to humiliate for her jollies from here on out.” – ForwardPlenty
“Honestly, OP leaving quietly was generous. I would’ve taken the mic back and been like, ‘Thank you for that speech. Now let me remind you who paid for your bachelorette party, raised this family, and supported our parents,’ and then left.” – Srevelance
“I wonder why the second eldest (OP) helped raise the younger kids, not the eldest (Rachel). I’m the oldest daughter and was parentified quite a bit so I know it’s not a great situation.”
“However, I find it appalling that Rachel didn’t at least help OP. It’s even more appalling that Rachel made fun of OP for stepping up when Rachel wouldn’t. She seems like such a piece of s**t.”
“NTA.” – Ok-Addendum-9420
“As a fellow oldest, what is wrong with the sister that OP is the responsible one? Middle child syndrome is quite strong in those around me, but somehow this OP is a middle child who is the most responsible one. That says a lot. And most of it is not great.”
“OP, you have every right to put a stop to ever being the family punchline again. It was never your job to let them bully you. It is not okay. I hope you are able to set some very firm boundaries and find some peace. Best of luck to you OP! Hugs if you want them!” – ConfuseableFraggle
“NTA. I think she should go no contact, go live her own life, and completely forget about this family of a**holes.” – R0ck3tSc13nc3
“Let me get this straight. The OP just gave a heartfelt speech, wishing the couple all the best, and the bride used her time to make fun of her sister?!”
“You have your five minutes in the spotlight and use them to bully your sister? You work hard at making ‘what a boring person my sister is’ the topic of your wedding, thus replacing ‘what a wonderful couple they are’?”
“The bride had to WORK at ruining her own wedding. She managed it, and the parents (who had already neglected their younger kids and stolen OP’s childhood) helped her.”
“OP is entirely NTA for leaving. She has a spine, and I hope she keeps polishing it.” – allyearswift
“She used her big moment to tear you down instead of celebrating her marriage. It’s one thing to joke around with family, but this was crossing a line.”
“You have every right to remove yourself from a situation where you’re being humiliated, especially when it’s happening in front of hundreds of people.”
“At the end of the day, respect comes first. NTA.” – lovelylolaaaa
Others agreed and theorized that the bride’s “joking” speech had backfired with the in-laws.
“I have to wonder what the husband’s family thought about it. Instead of talking about her love for their son and her happiness to be spending her life with him, she decided to mock her sister for working hard and taking care of everyone.”
“I would be so disgusted if I heard someone mocking a family member publicly, let alone the responsible one. NTA, OP.” – BlazingSunflowerland
“The in-laws are probably worried about their son marrying such a nasty bully. That’s why the bride needs the OP to come back and say it’s all okay. To make it worse, that’s why the family is pushing for the OP to roll over so much, so that the groom doesn’t seek out an annulment or divorce.” – Haunting-Aardvark709
“Ooo, I bet the in-laws are realizing that the groom married the wrong sister and think that he’s a total f**k-up now. They want the OP to prove that her sister was the right choice for her new brother-in-law and to clean up her sister’s mess, just like she’s always had to. NTA.” – Cowboys82288
“It sounds like the groom’s immediate family had said something about him marrying a bully and s**t is about to hit the fan with the new in-laws after all this and that’s why they want OP to ‘laugh it off.'”
“I wonder how many people in the in-laws’ family are more like OP and are wondering why the groom picked the bully over the responsible one, AND when they think they’re going to be the next victim of the bully’s ‘jokes.'”
“I hope the groom signed a prenup. NTA.” – little_Druid_mommy
“I’ve kind of been on the other side of this, as an in-law. My stepbrother married a woman whose older sister was MOH (Maid of Honor).”
“The MOH made the worst, most catty comments towards the bride in her speech. My family and I were sitting there with our mouths hanging wide open. We couldn’t believe how little this woman had to say about her own sister that was actually nice.”
“And every ‘nice’ comment came with a qualifier, condition, or disclaimer for why it ‘could’ be nice. She couldn’t just BE NICE. She honestly just came off as petty and jealous that her sister got married before her.”
“I think the bride was pretty embarrassed and hurt. We were just sitting there cringing and wondering how this was possibly going to work out.” – exobiologickitten
“Imagine seeing this woman mock traits like ambition and responsibility, knowing that’s who’s going to be raising your future grandchildren and sharing finances with your son.”
“I’d be so devastated for the sister and very worried about what my child had married into if I was watching that display.”
“Honestly, I’d be sending my son links for how to start a marriage annulment.” – Local-Suggestion2807
It was already appalling enough that the OP’s sister humiliated her in front of 200 people, but it was alarming to the subReddit that the bride had chosen the wedding toast, which is a time to celebrate new love and families coming together to celebrate, to really drive the point home.