Family drama can be never-ending.
We all find fault with our parents, but does that mean it's all their fault?
One daughter seemed to think so.
Redditor Familiar-Cream-4988 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling my on my sister that she planned to crash our Mom's wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So this is a bit complicated, but I will try to be clear about the mess I got myself into."
"This is about my sister, I will call her Ash in the post."
"The main issue my Ash has with our Mom is that she wanted a different type of parent."
"Our mom was more hands-off ( let us do our thing), while Ash wanted a Mom who would go to every event."
"Just to be clear, our mom did go to our events, just not all the time."
"Ash felt like she was forced to grow up too soon, which I can see."
"We both expected to be able to cook and do paperwork."
"I personally found it really helpful when I went to college, but Ash felt like she lost out on some of her childhood."
"Anyways. Ash stopped talking to mom for 6 years."
"Mom mourned during that time, and when Ash reached out to reconnect, Mom basically said she can’t do it."
'This is her choice, even if I don’t agree with it."
"Ash was shocked by this, and I had to explain that some people don’t come running back after being cut off."
"The main problem, my Mom is getting married."
"Her wedding is in a few weeks, and it is going to be a small wedding."
"Ash is not invited and has been upset since."
"When we got dinner, she was still upset and basically kept saying she would be there."
"I literally begged her not to crash the wedding."
"She said she was just joking."
"I am friends with her B[oy]F[riend], and he mentioned having to get a suit for the wedding."
"When I grilled him on it, it was because they plan on crashing the wedding."
"I tried to talk to Ash, but she didn’t respond to my texts."
"So I told my mom, since it was her wedding, they were going to crash.'
"She thanked me, and I guess sent a message to Ash about how she isn’t invited."
"I got a pissed-off call from her, and she is blaming me for ruining everything."
"That I should have kept my mouth shut so she could see Mom get married."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Oh well..."
"By the time I'm 13, I'm already doing my laundry on my own and living in a boarding school where, if we want, we can cook our food."
"2 days a week, AND an older sister who could assist if needed, seems fine to me."
"But I am an older sibling and was raised in an independent house."
"So I do not think that how your mother raised both of you is an issue."
"A certain level of independence needs to be had; it's not like she was left alone to do it all."
"A hand-holding childhood is how you get an adult with no life skills. NTA." ~ Harry-Hart1983
"Agree. Sounds like a good teacher, honestly."
"More teens need responsibilities to come middle and high school, or they get lazy and aren't ready for the real world." ~ Cudi_buddy
"That all seems very reasonable."
"I’d say NTA, but I would also say that, if you have the emotional bandwidth, in the future, well after the wedding, that maybe you can try to feel out whether either party might be willing to come to the table and try to reconcile."
"If it can’t be done, it’s not on you to force it, of course."
"But if you have a decent relationship with them separately, you would not be the bad guy for seeing what they’re open to in the future." ~ ScarlettsLetters
"So she did her job!"
"A parent's most important job is to make independent adults."
"Twice a week and filling out forms for what you want to do is minimal."
"Your sister was crazy. NTA."
"But I think your mom is slightly TA."
"If my child wanted to reconcile with me, I would be open to talking at least."
"A lot of teams go through rough periods where they think things were unfair." ~ Lcdmt3
"My mom has two older children from her first husband, who were conditioned to reject her."
"One came back around as an adult, and my mom tried to have a relationship, but it was hard. "
"Because of actions taken and words said by my other sibling as an adult, my mom said she was fine not to have a relationship at all."
"They were both children when the alienation started, so my mom didn't hold a grudge, but when it continues into adulthood, and they can see who she is and are still hurtful... why invite that pain into your life?"
"Even parents are allowed to have their limits about how much pain they can allow their children to inflict on them."
"I started cooking when I was 8."
"My daughter started when she was 11."
"I wouldn't trust her to do paperwork, but she's 15 now, maybe I should." ~ RaedriannIt's clear we're not getting all the details here
"But if your mom chose not to reconnect, either there is something wrong with your mom, or there is something wrong with Ash."
"Or both of them are super immature."
"Regardless. It's your mom's wedding."
"She has a right to know if someone is going to create drama."
"Even if I didn't like someone."
"If I knew someone was going to crash their wedding and cause drama, I'd reach out."
"Weddings are not the time for reunions or confrontations. NTA." ~ Riker_Omega_Three
"NTA for telling your mom."
"Regardless of how Ash feels about her childhood, she has no right to crash a wedding with her boyfriend to force a relationship she chose to cut off."
"It’s interesting to see how many people are acting like parents aren’t allowed to have feelings over being cut off for six years."
"Even if your mom was horribly abusive, Ash is not respecting her boundaries at this time."
"The whole family is a hot mess, but in this case, you were right to cut off a disaster in the making." ~ Total_Poet_5033
"This. We don't know what happened here."
"OP could be diminishing a lot of things that happened during their childhood that would justify Ash cutting off her mom for six years, or it may have happened exactly as she explained here, and Ash just resents their mom because she wanted to teach her autonomy, we don't know."
"In any case, this isn't what OP came to discuss, the matter is if she did the right thing by telling her mom that someone who she didn't invite to her wedding and doesn't want to see was planning to crash regardless of being told no, so yeah NTA." ~ QuoteResponsible1012
"NTA. Look, I’ve known people to cut off/go no contact with family for very understandable reasons."
"Neglect, mental/physical abuse growing up."
"And I’ve known people who’ve cut off their family for what were, in my opinion, only ridiculous reasons."
"Someone I know bought a laptop for his daughter when she went to college."
"Daughter’s stepsister-different dads - got angry that her own dad didn’t buy her a laptop too, so she decided to cut off her half sis."
"Make that make sense."
"Anyone is free to walk away from a relationship."
"But be prepared to be rejected if you then try to come back."
"The person who got cut off might not want to reconnect, parent or not."
"In this instance, Ash walked away."
"She tried reconnecting, and Mom didn’t want to do that."
"So Ash’s response is to crash a very private event despite being explicitly told she is not invited."
"Ash sounds like SHE’S the problem here."
"OP did right by warning mom because, if Ash is going this far, she’s just as capable of trying to ruin the wedding and not just show up uninvited."
"I hope Mom gets security in place to keep Ash out." ~ AirportPrestigious
"Agreed."
"I think some people don't realize the purpose of going no contact isn't to give you power in a relationship, it's to permanently end it."
"One person can choose to cut contact, but two people have to agree to re-establish it." ~ copper_rabbit
"NTA. Your sister chose to end the relationship."
"She doesn’t get to walk back into your mother’s life as if nothing happened."
"It’s ok for your mom to not want to put herself in a situation to be hurt like that by your sister again." ~ Persimmonshimmer
"NTA. I saw from your comments that the reason your sister cut your mom off was that she had to feed herself when mom was not home, and fill out her applications to hobby rings, etc., herself in your mid-teens?"
"As in she hated your mom for not enabling her to become a useless adult?"
"Yeah... I am so sorry for your mother."
"Ash hasn't changed at all; she is just as entitled." ~ talkmemetome
"NTA. This trend for 'going no contact' with anyone with whom you have a beef is ridiculous."
"Ash is the architect of her own situation. I wish more parents would stand firm when their kids try to manipulate them."
"You did the right thing." ~ Jollyramb1er
Reddit is with you, OP.
You did what you had to do.
If your sister wants to confront your Mom, tell her to do it in therapy.
You're trying to help everyone, especially your sister.
Good Luck.
