The phrase beggars can't be choosers means people with no other options must accept whatever is offered, even if it is not ideal.
Getting a free wedding venue is a pretty limited option unless the bride and groom know multiple people with large event spaces they loan out for free.
A sibling turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after their sister presented a list of demands for the wedding space she was getting for free.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Mysterious-Gear-6351 asked:
"AITAH for not letting my sister use my property as a wedding venue last minute?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So me and my husband own a livery yard and he's a riding instructor. We have students come to ride at our property and people who pay to stable their horses here and use the facilities."
"Last year, my sister asked if she could use part of the orchard for a small wedding. I said I could square off an area for a while if needed."
"She wanted 2 days, one for the wedding and another for her baby shower. I agreed under the assumption her demands would be reasonable."
"Now she is set to get married in May and just messaged me with what she wants for her wedding:
"• No strangers/clients there"
"• No general hustle and bustle around the yard (workers)"
"• Empty stables for some of her games (baby shower)"
"• No horse odour around the venue itself"
"• No horses around her/in background of pictures"
"• Access to indoor riding arena for main babyshower event"
"• No kids on the yard as she wants a childfree wedding"
"I told her:"
"• I cannot refuse livery clients as they pay good money for unrestricted access, but I can ask them to keep clear of the event and box off our area. This goes for the kids too—we have kids stabling their horses here. I have no right to cut off their access for a day or two."
"• I cannot send away all our grooms for two days. The horses still need to be cared for and these people rely on their jobs, it's not fair on them."
"• I can't eliminate the smell of horses, there are still horses living there. It's a stable, it will smell like a stable."
"• I cannot remove all horses from the background of an open field. Again they need turnout and the clients pay for their horses to have access to the fields."
"Overall I told her I will keep people away from the main event and try to keep it as empty as possible, both with people and horses, but it is still an active business and cannot stop working for a few days."
"I don't want to let down a lot of our longterm clients. Some have been with us for 10+ years and we rely on constant customers to stay afloat."
"We went back and forth between what was reasonable and what she wanted for a while. She then swore at me full volume in public, insulted both me and my husband, and called our place a sh*thole."
"She then went to our mom and complained I'm being selfish and going back on my promise. Both her and my mom are pressuring me, or trying to, into letting her have her way."
"They say I'm putting money over her special day and not thinking of her. They're not tight on money, there are venues that they can rent and have every one of their demands met."
"Am I putting money over her? Is this a shitty thing to do?"
"I'm not trying to prioritise business over her, but I feel her demands are becoming a bit entitled. Feeling torn as half my family say it's her special day and I should try to accommodate and the other half say it's my property and I have the right to choose."
"I know I'm going back on my word, but she changed some pretty big details."
"Thoughts?"
The OP later added:
"I think she's been the favourite since I married a man who 'talks and acts too Black'. Feel free to try and figure out what that means considering he's a respectful, well spoken and polite guy."
"Running theory is she wants a wedding similar to mine as we had ours on the property shortly after purchasing. She’s not a horsey person at all, so I’m just as confused."
"My mother is just as bonkers, they bounce off each other and end up in these type of situations surprisingly often."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong (NTA) as she had commitments to her clients.
"NTA. Tell her that if she thinks it's a sh*thole then perhaps she ought to use another venue. She knew the property is used as a business when she asked to use it."
"She has no right to expect you to put your stability/future business in jeopardy—no matter how 'special' her day is. It is completely unreasonable."
"In my opinion it would be far better for you to just say it's no longer an option for her. Is your sister the favourite? It sure sounds like it to me!" ~ Capable_Froyo4433
"I wouldn’t allow anyone who treats you like that to use my property for any damn thing. How fortunate for her that using your 'sh*thole' of a venue didn’t work out anyway!"
"Seriously…don’t do this. Don’t even consider it. She will still expect all of those accommodations, and when you can’t and won’t provide them, you’ll still be the bad guy."
"If you’re going to be the bad guy in her eyes anyway, do it in a way that doesn’t cause you thankless drama and stress." ~ CandyAppleSauce
"NTA. She is acting very entitled and she went back on her word about being reasonable and the amount of people attending. If she wants complete control, she can rent a venue like everyone else does." ~ BubblyFangz
"NTA. Those are big demands for a free wedding space."
"Some of these things maybe could have been worked out with more time in advance, but horses need to be cared for and so the grooms or owners or whoever absolutely have to have access to them. Some of these things are literally impossible."
"Even if you put all the horses somewhere else for the occasion (how you would even do that?) it's still going to smell a bit horsey."
"Also, it's not a matter of putting money over family, it's a matter of screwing over your paying client/customers, or not screwing them over."
"Now that she's cussed you out in public and called your place a sh*thole, I would let her know that you won't be providing/allowing/accommodating anything at all and she can pay someone else for access to a different sh*thole." ~ Reasonable_Date2870
"NTA. Of course you're putting your clients and their horses over your sister, you're running a business and her demands for clearing out a working stable are completely delusional." ~ Sajem
"Wow, if she didn't want any indication of horses or horse care, why in hell did she ask to have the wedding where horses are stabled? Does she not understand that's what you do, provide homes for horses whose owners do not have stables?"
"It's a shame your mother is facilitating this delusion, instead of trying to help her understand this isn't the ideal venue and she should be looking for something more appropriate."
"You offered a reasonable accommodation, and she wants to create a hardship for your family and business for her convenience and inflexibility." ~ ScarletDarkstar
"NTA. You agreed to let her use the space. You did not agree to shut down your business for 2 days so she can use it. You agreed to hosting a small wedding, not 200 people."
"If she can’t handle what you can provide she should pay someone to give her what she needs. I hope you have texts or emails so you can show exactly what was asked and committed to." ~ fionaghal
The OP provided an update:
"My sister and mother have decided to cut me off until I apologise and let her host at my business with all of her demands met. I’m not close enough with either to sacrifice our business."
"Her fiancé reached out to apologise on her behalf. And tell me he wasn’t aware she left it so short notice and acted like this. He’s a great guy, still not talking to them though."
"For now all is resolved. I’m not hosting her and I’m not talking to her or my mother right now. They’ve been told if they show up, we will not hesitate to get them done for trespassing."
"I just want to say thank you for all the advice, kind words and replies. I likely won’t be able to get back to each and every one, but I appreciate everyone who took the time out of their day to read this and comment."
OP was honoring their commitments to their clients, a sign of good character.
If their sister and mother can't appreciate that, they're probably better off without them.
