Woman Refuses To Use Inheritance From Late Parents To Build Husband's 'Lazy' Sisters A House

When we find ourselves unexpectedly coming into money, how we use it can pose numerous problems.

Of course, our minds immediately start planning ideas that we know are far outside the realistic grasp of what that money can actually cover.

Once the excitement has settled, however, we begin to think a bit more realistically, even if it becomes a tug-of-war to use it practically or use it somewhat more frivolously.

Further complicating matters, however, is when family, friends, or loved ones feel they are also entitled to this money, and urge you to use it on them in some capacity.

Redditor Feeling-Savings-1462 had recently come into a sizable inheritance from her late parents.

While the original poster (OP) was still determining how she would use this money, her husband had a very clear idea of how he thought it should be used.

An idea the OP rejected without a second thought.

Wondering if she was wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not using my inheritance (from my parents) for my husband's family?"

The OP explained why her husband's idea of how to use her inheritance was an absolute no-go for her:

"AITA for not wanting to use my inheritance to pay for building my husband's sisters a home on our farm?"

"My husband (52) and myself (50) have been married for 31 years."

"We purchased his parents farm several years ago and paid for it with a mortgage."

"We have since paid that mortgage off."

"We also built our forever home on the farm and it is also paid for and we raise cattle on the farm."

"His family is always asking for help."

"His sisters specifically and a couple of his nephews."

"For context, we took care of his father, mother, and Down's syndrome sister when nobody else in his family would take care of them."

"We were the only ones of his siblings who still had young children at home but we felt that if we didn't take care of them the state was going to step in and take them away."

"In my family you take care of your family so we took them in and never looked back."

"However I think his family resented us for this and somehow feels like they are owed something because we own the family farm."

"And for some reason my husband thinks he has to take care of his other sisters even though there is nothing wrong with them except they have low IQs."

"I have inherited a decent amount of money from my parents."

"My husband doesn't know the specifics and is upset that I won't disclose the amount."

"He doesn't have access to the account."

"He wants me to take some of the money and build a house on our farm (his family farm) for his sisters to live in so they won't have to pay rent anymore or live in apartments."

"He wants us to pay their property taxes and insurance because 'they won't be able to afford that' but they can pay their utilities."

"He doesn't want to charge them rent."

"Why should I use my inheritance that my parents worked their butts off to earn and pass on to me so that my husband's lazy sisters can sit in a brand new house on their family's farm and never have to pay property tax or insurance or rent?"

"I feel like this is my money and I shouldn't have to spend it on his family."

"I want to put the majority of it in trust funds to our two children so I can pass it on to them."

"And to be honest I am seriously thinking about just taking my inheritance and getting a divorce and living happily ever after."

"So…..AITA????"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her husband to use her inheritance on his sisters.

Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right to prioritize her children and not her husband's sisters and were shocked that he didn't feel the same way, with some even agreeing his behavior was, indeed, grounds for divorce:

"NTA."

"He should be thinking of his children, not his siblings."

"After 31 years, I assume there are very good reasons that you are considering divorce."-beginagain4me

"NTA."

"Congrats for putting your inheritance monies in a separate account in just your name so that it is never co-mingled with marital monies."

"Always keep it separate, or else your husband will have a claim to half of it should you divorce."

"If you use any of it on items you own jointly, well then your husband automatically owns half of whatever amount you invested from your inherited monies."

"Beware of this pitfall."

"You may, of course, choose to do this at some point, but know what it means -- you've given away part of those monies and cannot ever reclaim it."

"Your parents left you your inheritance to you to spend as you choose."

"They did not leave it to your husband and certainly not to his sisters."

"He is wrong to try to guilt you into spending it on his family, even if they weren't lazy."

"Honestly, I wouldn't blame you for leaving a man who continued to insist you spend your inheritance on his sisters who, according to you, are lazy and not helping themselves adequately."

"Hopefully though you can resolve this issue without resorting to that unless, of course, you otherwise no longer wish to be married to this man."- Realistic_Head4279

"Divorce him, then take your inheritance and your half of the value of the farm and live your best life."

"He can get a new mortgage to pay you your share, then move his deadbeat sisters into the house, and be their doormat."

"NTA."- Actual-Hamster4692

"NTA."

"He (and his siblings) doesn't seem to recognize that you are part owner of the 'family farm'."

"In case of divorce, would you get half? Would he have to sell?"

"You'd be putting in something you own 100% (inheritance) into something you own half of."

"It would be a terrible financial decision, and I'd bet he'd change his will to ensure his siblings would inherit his half of the farm, putting you up against them."

"Plus, if they can't afford property taxes, they'd be a constant drain on your inheritance."

"Don't do it."

"That's literally no upside to you if you do it."- CinnamonBlue

"NTA."

"Ask him to use his inheritance money for his sisters."

"Oh, wait, there won't be any."

"It seems like he's taking after the rest of his family and seeing you as his personal piggy bank."

"Your inheritance is yours."

"It was left to you for you and whoever YOU choose to use it on."- WaryScientist

"NTA."

"Stand strong."

"Put the inheritance in a trust for your own kids."

"Or spend it traveling."

"Don't spend it on leeches."- Shichimi88

"Get the divorce."

"Please be sure to take half the farm."

"This is unreal."

"NTA."- Amazing-Wave4704

"NTA."

"Your husbands family isn't your problem, they are mooches."

"You are right to be wise with your money to pass it on to our kids."

"'Generations empire building' is critical."

"The fact you won't tell your spouse how much it was raises red flags."- jot_down

The OP later returned with an update, clarifying some elements of her familial situation and sharing some measures she'd taken to protect her inheritance:

"Just so you know, our children are adults."

"Also, I was supposed to inherit land as well, but instead of putting the land in my name, I had the executor of the estate deed it directly to my daughter because that's what I wanted, and my mom had signed off on it before she passed."

"My husband blew up about this as well, but it's already a done deal."

"So I have a home to go to rent-free if I need it because there is a house on the land."

"Unfortunately, I couldn't do the money that way, but I have been in contact with my mom's attorney about trust funds, and I can keep my husband from accessing the money even if I file for divorce."

"So my mom's attorney is now my attorney as well because I officially hired him."

"I have also been in contact with the county attorney and made them aware of the situation because there is a history of spousal abuse and violence in his family, and I don't trust that somehow it may be in his DNA."

"You never know."

The update makes it clear that there is more to worry about than just the OP's husband prioritizing his sisters.

It sadly seems that there are far more serious issues that make divorce a more than viable course of action.

Something the OP will hopefully decide before discovering her fears were well-founded.