Conversation involves back and forth, but interrupting someone isn’t a legitimate back and forth. If the interruptions are chronic, it can make people reluctant to speak.
Why bother when you know someone is going to talk over you?
A spouse turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after stopping talking in response to chronic interruptions.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Living-Estate3963 asked:
"AITAH because I refuse to finish a story if my husband interrupts?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"That's all I really have to ask. My husband insists on interrupting any story I tell while he is present to either correct me or to add to it."
"The latest example was today. We are visiting his parents for Easter and I was telling them about our plans for our vacation this summer. We are doing a Mediterranean cruise. I was saying how it was a cruise of the Greek isles and he interrupted me to say it starts in Rome which was literally going to be the next thing out of my mouth as I was telling them about the cruise."
"So I stopped talking and let him finish the story. Which he doesn't know. He doesn't know any of the ports of call or excursions. Literally all he knows is that the cruise starts and ends in Rome."
"He kept pressing me to add information. I politely declined. I said he was so anxious to talk about how the cruise starts in Rome, so he must know all about it."
"He is off sulking because his parents think he's an idiot for not knowing anything besides that one tidbit."
"He said I made home look bad, so he is sleeping in his little sister's room. She still has a twin bed. Lucky for him she is with her fiance's family this weekend."
"So am I the a**hole for allowing him to finish every story of mine he chooses to insert himself into whether he knows about the subject or not?"
"If he waits to talk until I'm done speaking, does that exclude him somehow from the conversation? Like if he can't speak while I'm mid-syllable, he is not contributing?"
The OP later added:
"To answer the most common question I've read in the comments. No, I've never told him he can't speak until I'm done."
"I have told him it's rude."
"I have told him it bothers me a lot."
"I have told him it makes me angry."
"I have told him it is disrespectful."
"But I've never said he couldn't speak until I was done."
"I've said he shouldn't. Is that close enough?"
"What's his response? Which of the hundred times the conversation happened?"
"The first time he said he didn't realize he was interrupting."
"Fiftieth time more or less he said it wasn't that big a deal."
"The last time, roughly number 100, he said he couldn't help himself and that's just the way he was and I needed to understand he wasn't able to change."
"No, he has never once apologized for it. He always has excuses."
"I'm not fighting. I have decided to let him have his way. If he feels that my speaking is getting in the way of his interruptions then I'm just shutting up."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to expect common courtesy.
"I’m going to go NTA, but I’m just wondering what goes through his head as he’s doing it. Is he excited and wants to tell the story with you? Does he feel excluded if he doesn’t participate?"
"Is he trying to correct you and humiliate you? I’d have a conversation with him about that and I also understand that sometimes, people need to experience a consequence before they’ll change their behavior." ~ omfglookawhale
"I’ve seen interjection like this play out two ways: either collaborative like a cool 'yes, and' vibe, or disruptive and disjointed and awkward."
"I feel OP’s experience is the latter, and it was exacerbated by past instances of the same problem." ~ transponster08
"She says this happens constantly. Would you enjoy being interrupted every single time you open your mouth?" ~ ThrowawayAdvice1800
"People in healthy relationships tend to allow their partners to be involved with conversations that involve both of them. So your and your partners way is pretty normal."
"Given that this was a conversation with his parents and she felt the need to try to humiliate him for interjecting the only bit of information he could this seems like a very unhealthy or outright abusive and controlling dynamic." ~ Lorelessone
"I hear what you're saying, but OP indicated this is a recurring thing where he's trying to correct or actively interrupt her. There's a difference between the odd interjection while someone is talking if it's conversational, and then there's trampling over someone mid-sentence in a way that's rude and dismissive."
"From OP's description, it sounds like the latter, though of course there's always two sides."
"If all OP truly did was stop speaking and let him embarrass himself, then I think labelling their dynamic outright abusive/controlling is a leap. What was OP meant to do, swoop in and infantilise him, rescuing the conversation and softening the embarrassment?"
"That, to me, seems unhealthier, especially if he's the type to go off sulking. It's not OP's job to manage their spouse's emotions like that." ~ Either-Replacement11
"I do this, but I am aware of it and actively working to not do it. But it is a very hard habit to break, especially when excited about a topic." ~ thereisnoluck
"I'm a chronic interrupter: I don't want to be but I often do it without noticing when my partner pauses when he's talking and he always gets annoyed (rightly) and says something sarcastic, and then says he's forgotten what he was saying."
"It's gotten to be a real problem and I'd like to find a solution. I think it would work if he just kept talking and held his hand up to stop me, but he refuses to try this and says he shouldn't have to." ~ Juuudes
"OP has talked to her husband about this multiple times in the past and he refuses to change, therefore she has changed. NTA." ~ Inevitable-Pin4655
"My mom does this to my dad (in their 80s, married 40+ years). It works temporarily, but on the whole he definitely interrupts far less now than before she started doing it (maybe 10-15 years ago?)." ~ WhimsicalRenegade
"NTA. If he insists on interrupting and correcting you, then he should be prepared to actually carry the conversation. You didn’t embarrass him; he embarrassed himself. Maybe next time he’ll let you finish." ~ Forward-Amount8035
"I had an issue at work. I literally had to put out my hand as a stop sign and say 'let me finish please.' It stops the behavior. It’s hard on those people because they feel publicly chastised." ~ Dynamiccushion65
"This thread makes me feel so vindicated because I was genuinely starting to feel like I must be an extremely boring person, because people interrupt me constantly."
"Two of my friends do it so much I've started spending less and less time with them, because it's less time for us to catch up and more time for them to talk incessantly about themselves." ~ Acceptable_Mud_9249
"I feel SUPER vindicated and not so alone! I feel like I attract the interrupters! And I've also withdrawn from people who just blather on about themselves, and then when I get to speak, I immediately get cut off because they just HAVE to interrupt."
"I mean, what's the point of my presence? I'm obviously not necessary for this 'conversation'...it's a monologue!" ~ pelagictrawler
"People who do this are the most criminally boring people in the world, so worry not. And yes, COVID opened the floodgates for know-it-alls." ~ badmotorfinger5
"My dad has started taking this approach with my mom because she's spent over a decade interrupting and 'correcting' his stories and not listening to his pleas for her to stop doing so. I can't say I blame him, but it's still awkward as hell every single time it happens and ends with her saying 'ok, go on,' and him saying 'no, obviously you've got it'."
"I would say that if you can try to convince him privately how much this irritates you (and with good reason!), you'll save yourselves and everyone around you a lot of discomfort for what might be the next decade of social interactions you share." ~ TCEA151
"You don't get to this point without it being a chronic issue that has been discussed ad nauseam."
"How else can you deal with a chronic interruptor that has been told and refuses to even try to stop? It is not point scoring. It is refusing to continue to accept being disrespected."
"I had someone like this person in my life. I set the boundary of, 'if you interrupt, I will no longer continue with what I was saying.' That person is no longer in my life because of that, among a few other boundaries they continued to stomp." ~ Legen_unfiltered
OP's strategy is one born of desperation, but it's obviously gotten through better than trying to talk to their husband about how they feel.
